tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10904594962123262632024-03-06T01:37:35.360-05:00Relentlessly Pursued : Unconditionally LovedMatthewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14266691203419135858noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1090459496212326263.post-39022636884178174492015-02-02T12:33:00.001-05:002015-02-02T12:34:37.313-05:00Collage of Death and Life; Fear and Love<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">My Thoughts & Explanation:<br /><br />In the beginning, God created the universe and our world. He created everything in and on earth: water, air, land, animals, human beings; everything. It was more beautiful than we could have ever imagined. Everything was as it should be; we, humans, had yet to learn of and how to hate, fear, death, and pain. This early world was paradise and all we've ever needed and wanted. (<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+1&version=NLT" target="_blank">Genesis Chapter 1</a>)<br /><br />However, something terrible happened. We, humans, listened, believed, and acted on the lie that we are better than God and don't need Him. We went against Him and choose to do things "our way". We sinned and from that moment on, things have <i>never been the same</i>; they've ceased to be the way they should be. It polluted and corrupted our hearts and the world we live in. (<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+3&version=NLT" target="_blank">Genesis Chapter 3</a>)<br /><br />Ever since then, humanity has continued to try and distance themselves from God; and while even in His just anger, frustration, sadness, and even regret, God in His perfect love, has continue to chose to bridge the distance we create and reconcile us back to Him and the perfect existence He envisioned and originally created for us. (The Old Testament; especially all of <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+1&version=NLT" target="_blank">Genesis</a>, <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus+1&version=NLT" target="_blank">Exodus</a>, and <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Isaiah+1&version=NLT" target="_blank">Isaiah</a>)<br /><br />All of God's leading and Words in the Old Covenant He made with humanity lead up to the greatest man and promise to ever come true; the birth, life and death of humanities Savior, Jesus Christ. (The Gospel: <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+1&version=NLT" target="_blank">Matthew</a>, <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark+1&version=NLT" target="_blank">Mark</a>, <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke+1&version=NLT" target="_blank">Luke</a>, and <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+1&version=NLT" target="_blank">John</a>)<br /><br />God, through Jesus, placed His righteous right hand over our sin stained hands. Through the great, amazing, wondrous, inspiring, crazy, awesome, astonishing, surprising, breathtaking, spectacular, remarkable, marvelous, and glorious love God showed us through the undeserving and ultimate sacrifice of His Son on the Cross, His love has permanently bridged the gap; righted our wrongs, and given us the pathway back to God; to paradise, to way the way life should be and was always meant to be.<br /><br />An eternity of indescribable love and the promise of Heaven awaits those who are bold enough, brave enough, and humble enough to believe Jesus was who He said He was. (<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+14&version=NLT" target="_blank">John Chapter 14</a>)</span>Matthewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14266691203419135858noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1090459496212326263.post-87044785098527936872015-01-25T16:44:00.002-05:002015-01-25T16:44:31.236-05:00Eternal Longing<span style="font-size: large;">All of us have a longing for "something" that never ends; something that brings us everlasting satisfaction and fulfillment.</span><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
Many of us try to fill that longing with our jobs, money, sex,
relationships, power, food, shopping, gadgets, alcohol, drugs, cars,
vacations, etc. etc.; you get the picture.</span><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
However, the truth is that we don't actually need more of anything this
world has to offer; we think we want more and often try to get more, but
only to find we are still left strangely empty even after we get it.
So we start the cycle again, seeking to get more, trying more new
things, hoping that some person or path we choose leaves us completely
happy and fulfilled.</span><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
Here's the tough to admit answer. What we do need more of, what
actually satisfies this never-ending craving, is God; our eternal and
inexhaustible source of joy, satisfaction, pleasure, and fulfillment.</span><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
Whether you want to believe it or not, you were made by God; a perfect
eternal being; our Heavenly Father, who designed you to live in perfect
harmony with Him. We screwed up that up in Eden, but that longing in
our souls remained.</span><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
Open up your eyes and see, that you aren't an accident caused by
chance. You have a purpose and it's bigger than yourself; seek God and
discover who and whose you really are.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"T<span class="text Gen-1-26" id="en-NLT-26">hen God said, “Let us make human beings
in our image, to be like us. They will reign over the fish in the sea,
the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that scurry along the ground.”</span><span class="text Gen-1-27" id="en-NLT-27"><sup> </sup>So God created human beings in his own image.</span><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Gen-1-27">In the image of God he created them;</span></span><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Gen-1-27">male and female he created them. </span></span><span class="text Gen-1-28" id="en-NLT-28">Then
God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth
and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and
all the animals that scurry along the ground.”</span><span class="text Gen-1-29" id="en-NLT-29"><sup> </sup>Then God said, “Look! I have given you every seed-bearing plant throughout the earth and all the fruit trees for your food.</span> <span class="text Gen-1-30" id="en-NLT-30">And
I have given every green plant as food for all the wild animals, the
birds in the sky, and the small animals that scurry along the
ground; everything that has life.” - Genesis 1:26-30</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="text Eph-2-10" id="en-NLT-29200">"For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." - Ephesians 2:10</span><span class="text Eph-2-10" id="en-NLT-29200"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="text Eph-2-10" id="en-NLT-29200"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="text Eph-2-10" id="en-NLT-29200">Let God renew your hearts and minds to the truth of your existence and how life is meant to be lived.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="text Eph-2-10" id="en-NLT-29200"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="text Eph-2-10" id="en-NLT-29200">Love ya'll,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="text Eph-2-10" id="en-NLT-29200"><br /></span></span>
<span class="text Eph-2-10" id="en-NLT-29200"><span style="font-size: large;">-Matt</span></span>Matthewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14266691203419135858noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1090459496212326263.post-84629548909050161022014-08-05T19:22:00.002-04:002014-08-05T19:23:26.751-04:0013 Ways to Live Life as a Gentleman<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<![endif]--><span style="font-size: large;">I had recently read an article via <a href="http://classyfella.com/" target="_blank"><i>The Classy Fella Blog</i></a> back in the beginning of June about being a
gentleman and the qualities one should possess and exhibit. It challenged me to be more of a gentleman and
to share what I'm learning. I then
proceeded to expand upon what I had read and post thirteen different “How to Be
a Gentleman” tips on my Facebook page for about two weeks. I have collected them all together and done
some editing to come up with my own list of <u>13 Ways to Live Life as a
Gentleman</u> for all of us men to remember, especially myself. This list isn’t meant to make me look good,
but rather show what God has been teaching me and what I have been learning
about; all of which us men need to strive to live out each and every day.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE - This one should be a given. It is hard
to respect an adult (or anyone) when their vocabulary is full of foul language;
especially in the presence of ladies and children. My father always told me that someone who
consistently swears is someone who isn't intelligent enough to use a broader
vocabulary; and that isn't someone I should strive to be... maybe we shouldn't
let that soap in the mouth thing go to waste.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">HAVE INTEGRITY - A gentleman can always be trusted. You should never see a gentleman purposely let
someone down; be someone others can count on. Honor your commitments and show others that
your word and promises are valuable. A
gentleman is a man of high moral and ethical standards and fights to protect
them. Deceit should not be something in a
gentleman’s life’s vocabulary.</span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="usercontent">HAVE CONFIDENCE - A gentleman is a
confident person. This can be hard these
days when men are constantly bombarded that confidence is found in lots of
money, cool cars, having all the latest gadgets, or the best suits. Reality
check; those are all lies and just "good" advertising. A true gentleman realizes he is valuable
regardless of how much cash or stuff</span><span class="textexposedshow"> he
possess. He stands and sits straight and
speaks clearly because he knows that confidence is not bought, it is learned
and exhibited.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="usercontent">BE CONSIDERATE - A gentleman doesn't
regard himself as better than anyone else and realizes that others are just as
valuable as he is. A gentleman won't cut
in line but will instead gladly allow someone, especially mothers or the
elderly, to go ahead of him when they have fewer items than he does. A gentleman opens doors and has no problem
saying a friendly “hello” while </span><span class="textexposedshow">he does. A gentleman is quick to help and willingly
sacrifices for the good of others. He
doesn't expect others to only consider him but rather first chooses to consider
others before himself.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">RESPECT WOMEN - This is one of the <u>most important
qualities to being a true gentleman</u>, or even a man in general. An "adult boy" treats women like he
did girls on the playground; teasing them and moving from one to the other. That is the sign of a boy who never matured. A real man cannot be a gentleman unless he
strives to treat his lady with the same care he would of pure gold. A gentleman will open doors for a lady. A gentleman will walk on the outside of the
sidewalk when with a lady. A gentleman
will offer his coat when a lady is cold and he will also put it on her. A gentleman loves only one woman and is NEVER
a “player”; they are a one-woman man. The
mark of a true man is not found in "loving" 50 women for a night,
it's having the strength, skill, and desire to love only one woman for 50 years
of nights. That takes courage and talent
that many men seem to lack these days. So
sit yourself down boys and get educated because it's time for a manhood
revolution. It's time to stop adding
notches to your belts and for you to cherish and protect a woman's purity. It's
time to honor her and love her for her heart, soul, and mind; not just her
physical beauty. Fellas, it's time we
Man Up!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">COMMUNICATES WELL - A gentleman will be someone who speaks
boldly for what is right but in a manner that is kind and gentle. He understands the wisdom of being slow to
speak and quick to listen; though isn't afraid to share his heart with others
when appropriate to do so. He speaks
genuine words of love, encouragement, affirmation, truth, and honesty. He aims to build others up rather than tear
them down. He strives to think before he
speaks; controlling his emotions to prevent hurtful words coming from his
mouth. In these ways, a gentleman's
words are usually more respected because when he speaks he tries to have
something valuable to say.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">"DAPPER DOWN" - A gentleman cares about his
appearance. Not because of vanity but
out of respect for others and himself. A
gentleman knows he is a man of value and he aims to show that in all areas of
his life. He takes care of himself
because he knows that when he is in good shape he can better take care of
others. He is sure to brush his teeth,
comb his hair, exercise, and eat right. He
pulls up his pants because a gentleman doesn’t have swag; he has class. A gentleman doesn't have to break the bank to
look good. He knows that money is better
spent elsewhere than solely on himself. He
gives back and aims to buy products from companies that do the same. A gentleman isn't narcissistic or prideful
when being dapper, but he is confident and humble.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">BE A LIFELONG LEARNER - The title says it all: a gentleman
doesn’t stop learning; ever. It doesn't
matter if he has a GED, high school diploma, bachelor’s degree, master’s
degree, or PhD. A gentleman isn't bound
by society’s definition of education; he learns wherever and whenever he can,
and can never know enough. He aims to
soak in growth, maturity, wisdom, and knowledge like a sponge. He strives to study and learn more about all
the things in his life; his faith, his wife, his family, his friends, his
career, his interests, the interests of his loved ones, etc. A gentleman learns throughout life not only
for his own personal benefit but to the benefit of others. A gentleman doesn't rest on arrogance or
ignorance. He is a teacher and a
student; realizing he can learn from anyone, even a child. It doesn't matter if he is 25 or 95, a
gentleman stays humble throughout his whole life; understanding he will never
know everything but finds joy in the adventures of learning.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="usercontent">BE WISE - A great benefit to being a
lifelong learner is that you should be growing in wisdom and a gentleman
strives to be full of wisdom. A
gentleman should listen attentively and lovingly offer great advice. A gentleman strives to wear wisdom daily, like
a crown upon his head; realizing the significance and importance of it. A gentleman isn't perfect and m</span><span class="textexposedshow">akes mistakes like all of us, but he seeks to understand
why to try and prevent them from happening again. He freely shares the wisdom's of his life to
all that seek it and doesn't fear the advice of others. Being wise doesn't just mean giving good advice;
it also means to be able to receive it. A
gentleman listens, learns, and is humble at heart. He embraces the correction, discipline, and
instruction of others. He cherishes experience,
knowledge, and insight. A wise man, a
gentleman, is sincere, genuine, merciful, compassionate, considerate, controls
his temper, and strives for peace.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="usercontent">BE A GREAT HUSBAND - A gentleman
understands the value of having the lifelong love of one woman's heart. He wooed her with his chivalrous and
respectable ways while dating but doesn't stop once they've gotten married. A gentleman continues to woo his woman after
she becomes his wife. A gentleman honors
the vows said at his wedding; knowing that "for better, for</span><span class="textexposedshow"> worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health,
to love and to cherish 'till death do us part" aren't just some cheesy
romantic words; they are a meaningful and UNBREAKABLE promise. A gentleman doesn't quit his marriage; no,
that would be too easy. A gentleman
boldly takes the challenge to love his wife unconditionally. When it's hard to love his wife, he loves her
even more. A gentleman knows that his
wife's greatest need is his tender love. He doesn't demand respect, he earns it each
day. A gentleman works hard for his
wife; he sacrifices for her, he listens to her, he shares with her, he honors
her, he praises her, he cherishes her, he takes care of her, and above all, he
stands firm in the commitment they made when their love seemed to be at its
peak; knowing that the joys of love don't end when the joy of loving doesn't
end. Like anything worth achieving, a
gentleman knows that the sweetest victories come from the hardest battles. Marriage may be a tough battle to
"win" sometimes, but it holds the deepest pleasures and most
rewarding triumphs.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="usercontent">BE A GREAT FATHER - A gentleman
stays a gentleman all his life, even after he has kids. A gentleman continues to live out all of his
great chivalrous qualities so that his children may learn from him. He is loving with his children, understanding
that love is our greatest need as people, no matter what age. He is patient, gentle, and calm with them. He cherishes them, knowing they are a </span><span class="textexposedshow">gift, and reveres his time with them. He allows his kids the freedom to be
individuals but isn't afraid to firmly discipline them to protect them and
teach them. A gentleman father teaches
by word and by action. He is active with
his kids; whether it's with their school work, during their play time, in their
individual hobbies and interests, in their disciplining, or even during their
bedtime routine. A gentleman father is
there for his wife and kids. He spends
time with his family and realizes that the real treasures in his life aren't
earned at the office or bought at the store; they are found at home. One of the most important truths to being a
great father and gentleman is to love their mother well; showing your children
what a loving team and lifelong friendship should look like. A gentleman understands that there are WAY too
many fatherless homes and therefore takes the challenge to refrain from making
love to a woman unless he is prepared to be a father. He respects the woman, the possible future
child, and himself enough to understand that great power comes with great
responsibility.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="usercontent">SERVE OTHERS - Mahatma Gandhi once
said that "the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the
service of others". There is
something really great about serving others rather than yourself. The humility and generosity of offering your
services to someone rather than yourself, always grants the greater rewards and
deeper joys. A gentleman knows that h</span><span class="textexposedshow">is life isn’t about himself. He understands that improving the lives of
others around him is what truly holds value. He strives to be a lifelong learner and obtains
knowledge and skills for the main purpose of sharing it with and helping
others. He doesn't horde things for
himself. What purpose would that have
anyways? No one wants all that life can
offer but not enjoy it with others. A
gentleman gives just for the sake of giving; and he gives gladly. He relishes the opportunities in life to bless
others with his talents, time, knowledge, and money. A gentleman is a man of humble integrity so he
doesn't require a "parade" for each of his good acts. Gratitude and thankfulness are his rewards,
and even if those are scarce, doing a good deed is reward enough. A gentleman can be anybody, and he knows that
he can serve no matter his circumstances in life. Martin Luther King Jr. so eloquently describes
what is necessary; "Everybody can be great because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to
serve. You don't have to make your
subject and verb agree to serve... You only need a heart full of grace. A soul
generated by love." That's the core
of every gentleman; a heart filled up with grace and a soul that is powered by
love.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="usercontent">LOVE JESUS - This is the <i>"last"</i> but <u><b>MOST important</b></u>
advice to becoming a gentleman. Jesus is
the ultimate gentleman. He lived a
perfect life in complete submission to the perfect will of His Heavenly Father.
He trusted the headship of God in His
life; the one who teaches all of us men, through His Word, how to be gentlemen.
During His life on earth, Jesus ca</span><span class="textexposedshow">red for
the sick, He served others, He never stopped learning, He was the epitome of
wisdom, He respected women and even protected the ones that society deemed
"worthless", He knew how to communicate well, He was considerate, He
was humble, He was strong (imagine going through what He did and not retaliate
in anger or violence), He was very confident, He was the definition of
integrity throughout His life, He loved deeply, and He was a great leader. Jesus is the best gentleman to look up to and
aspire to become because He is the only man to live without fault. Even the noble knights of old served a king;
and there is no better king to serve than Jesus, the King of Kings. When a man chooses to begin to love Jesus,
Jesus can then begin to change him into the "perfect" gentleman. All of the qualities of a gentleman can flow
freely from a humble heart that loves Jesus.</span></span></div>
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Matthewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14266691203419135858noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1090459496212326263.post-87089350482402893922014-03-03T18:58:00.002-05:002014-03-03T19:39:09.050-05:00Two IS Better than one<span style="font-size: large;">Well, I am sure like many of you on the East Coast, I was shoveling out snow this afternoon. As I was outside with my grandfather cleaning off our cars and shoveling the driveway, this great reminder popped into my head; "Two really <u>is</u> better than one". Immediately after that I thought of the verse in Ecclesiastes that states this same truth.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"<span class="text Eccl-4-9" id="en-NLT-17367">Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.</span><span class="text Eccl-4-10" id="en-NLT-17368"> If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.</span><span class="text Eccl-4-11" id="en-NLT-17369"> Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone?</span></i><span class="text Eccl-4-12" id="en-NLT-17370"><i> A
person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand
back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided
cord is not easily broken."</i> - Ecclesiastes 4:9-12</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="text Eccl-4-12" id="en-NLT-17370"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="text Eccl-4-12" id="en-NLT-17370">Now, this isn't really a new topic. Pop culture seems to get it, or at least the artists <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hij77fEJHKo" target="_blank">Boys Like Girls & Taylor Swift</a> do, and I would assume that most of us understand when you do something by yourself, it tends to take a long-time and can be quite boring. When you share the work with someone else, it cuts both each other's work in half and can make things a lot more enjoyable. Add more people, and the task is lessened even more. Simple fractions really. However, there obviously are some arguments that can be brought up; like "I don't need anybodies help, I can do it all by myself" or "too many heads equal too many problems", etc. To this, I say those mindsets represent foolishness and pride more so than true wisdom. Of course, the more people you have work together, the greater possibility that there can be disagreement. It's why I believe you see in the verse above praising a team of two and maybe even a team of three but it doesn't go into great detail about more than that. Perhaps a discussion of the struggles large groups working together can experience could be a post for another time, but for this one, I really just want to focus on the "two is better than one" concept.<br /><br />When I see that verse above, the team of two means to me a married couple. Both are committed to go through life together, bringing to life so much joy, pleasure, excitement, and comfort. Sure it will be hard at times and painful, but <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+13" target="_blank">love</a> is always worth the fight. When I think of the three chords, I think of a <a href="http://www.sarahorn.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/triangle-1.png" target="_blank">husband, wife, and God</a> all working together as a powerful team. God helps keep both spouses on the right path, keeping them humble and choosing love, forgiveness, and compassion rather than resentment, hate, or anger. Although my mind automatically thinks of relationships when it comes to this topic, I know that verse can be used to enforce its wisdom in many aspects of life and the accomplishments that can be carried out by working together in all aspects of life. And there's the key statement folks; <u><b>WORKING TOGETHER</b></u>. That's what makes this whole concept work. It doesn't matter how many people you may have together, if you do not have a common purpose or goal, if you do not communicate effectively as you seek that goal, you will fail. A company will fail if all the working pieces are not aligned. A watch would not function without each cog moving in sync with each other. A couple will not last if they are not moving in the same direction; which should always point "north" towards a greater love, together as one.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="text Eccl-4-12" id="en-NLT-17370"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="text Eccl-4-12" id="en-NLT-17370">At times, it is very important to do things by yourself. You can only change yourself; no one else is responsible for that. You are responsible for you; your own job, your own personal growth, your own maturity, your own relationship with God, etc. However, the point I want to make, is that you do not have to, nor should you, do life alone. We are not designed or meant to live life alone. For starters, God is with you, each second of each day. You already have a forever guide and helper throughout life, if you choose Him to be. [side note: it feels so good knowing that God is with you; with His love lighting your path]</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="text Eccl-4-12" id="en-NLT-17370">Being alone is not ideal. To help explain my thoughts let's look at solitary confinement. There is a reason why solitary confinement is one of the worst consequences of incarceration. It is easily documented why being alone is detrimental to our very humanity.<br /><br /><i>"</i></span><i>The devastating psychological and physical effects of prolonged
solitary confinement are well documented by social scientists: prolonged
solitary confinement causes prisoners significant mental harm and
places them at grave risk of even more devastating future psychological
harm. Researchers have demonstrated that prolonged solitary confinement
causes a persistent and heightened state of anxiety and nervousness,
headaches, insomnia, lethargy or chronic tiredness, nightmares, heart
palpitations, and fear of impending nervous breakdowns. Other documented
effects include obsessive ruminations, confused thought processes, an
oversensitivity to</i></span><i><span style="font-size: large;"> stimuli, irrational anger, social withdrawal, hallucinations, violent
fantasies, emotional flatness, mood swings, chronic depression, feelings
of overall deterioration, as well as suicidal ideation." </span></i><span style="font-size: large;">(<a href="http://ccrjustice.org/solitary-factsheet" target="_blank">Center for Constitutional Rights</a>)</span><i><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;">"The human brain is ill-adapted to such conditions, and activists and
some psychologists equate it to torture. Solitary confinement isn’t
merely uncomfortable, they say, but such an anathema to human needs that
it often drives prisoners mad. In isolation, people become anxious and angry, prone to
hallucinations and wild mood swings, and unable to control their
impulses. The problems are even worse in people predisposed to mental
illness, and can wreak long-lasting changes in prisoners’ minds." </span></i><span style="font-size: large;">(<a href="http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2013/07/solitary-confinement-2/">Wired.com</a>)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">To argue the validity that being alone is in fact better, would in my opinion, be not only false, but a travesty to yourself and the many other people that could find you to be a blessing in their lives. In my experience, those that think they need to do life alone or are better off alone, are those who have been deeply wounded, bought into the lie that they are worthless, or just quite self-centered. Whatever, the reason, just know that there are many benefits to why you should go through life with others, not alone. God listed a couple in that verse above, yet there are many more:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">- When you fall down, literally or figuratively, you have someone to help pick you up and dust you off</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />- When you work together with someone, you can accomplish many things more efficiently and more thoroughly.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">- Trying to cut back on your heating bill? Not enough blankets? Snuggle up with someone, body heat can be the best kind of heat you need.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">- When you are attacked, whether it be physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually, you have someone there who can help defend against the assault, stand up for you, and aide in mutual protection.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">- </span><span style="font-size: large;"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</xml><![endif]--></span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">Cliché</span>, yes, but you know what they say, "Two heads are better than one".</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">- You share the burdens of life</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">- You add to your own life and the life of someone else's.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">- You tend to laugh more with others than by yourself; and they say that laughter is medicine for the soul.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The list goes on and on. When you constantly have a "me" mentality, you forget how great a blessing it is to go through life as "we". When you choose to be with others in your life, life just gets more exciting. Would you go to a restaurant by yourself, the majority of the time, probably not. Life is more exciting and more fun with other people. It is more rewarding and more meaningful. One person can make a difference, but strength can truly be found in numbers. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Yes, there will be sacrifices to make. Sacrifices that should be made. News flash, I don't know it all and neither do you. We learn so much by letting other people in. It's a small price to pay for the happiness we experience when we feel the deep joy of having someone there. Yes, you will need to let go of your pride, get over yourself, and expand your personal realm of life, but wouldn't you rather enjoy the freeing and rejuvenating sensations of intimacy than the solidarity and suppression of singularity? You already know I would! ;-)<br /><br />It's not the worst thing in the world to be humbled and learn that you have a lot to gain from others; be a courageous risk-taker. All relationships involve risk and vulnerabilities, but when you are wise with whom you share your life with, you also experience immeasurable love and benefits by living life with a lifelong partner and multiple friendships. If you have been hurt or struggle putting yourself "out there", don't give up. You are valuable and so worth it. Take the time to heal and try again, being confident in yourself and that you are so worthy of love and friendship.</span><br />
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<![endif]--><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">“There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two
people, who see eye to eye, keep house as man and wife, confounding their
enemies and delighting their friends.” - Homer<br /><br />...couldn't agree more my Greek friend.<br /><br />Teamwork is the best kind of work because "team work makes the dream work". </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I challenge myself and each of you to not go through life alone and to live life knowing that, Two <u><b>IS</b></u> in fact, better than one.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Love,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">-Matthew =)</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Music:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://hillsong.com/en/store/products/music/united/the-white-album-%5Bremix-project%5D/" target="_blank">Hillsong United - The White Album [remix project]</a></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span>Matthewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14266691203419135858noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1090459496212326263.post-41943723380448260562014-02-08T14:01:00.000-05:002014-02-20T11:00:13.501-05:00Conviction vs. Judgment<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">Judgement is defined as: </span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="ssens"><i><u>a formal utterance of an authoritative opinion</u></i>.</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="ssens"> </span></span></span><br />I try my best not to judge others. I understand that it
truly isn't my place to judge others. Judgment is Gods alone. He is the only
one worthy of doing so. I could only have the authority to judge someone else if my life was in fact flawless, which is certainly not the case. In fact, none of us are perfect, only Him. Judging
others isn't the life Jesus was about and that's not the life I seek to
live. Did he rebuke his disciples and the religious leaders, yes. There is a difference though between the two. </span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="ssens"></span>To rebuke means to: </span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span><u><i>express sharp disapproval or criticism of (someone) because of their behavior or actions</i></u>. As Christians, we are called to be "sharpening</span>" voices to help aide others in their walk with Christ, however, we must remember that we are NOT the refiner Himself. I've made many mistakes in my life and am certainly nowhere near
perfect, nor will I ever be. I need God to forgive me, humble me, love me, and
teach me daily. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">That being said, I'm not goin<span class="text_exposed_show">g
to be afraid to stand up for how God calls us to live life; not out of
judgment, pride or arrogance, but out of love. My hope is to see others
understand that God loves them unconditionally. That the way He
blueprints how we should live life according to His Word, is a life that
He <u>asks</u> us to live to protect us and bring us the greatest joys; He
won't ever force His Will upon us. God has granted us free will. He loves us too much to control us
and simply asks for our <b>faith</b>; for us to <b>trust</b> Him. </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show">My hope is to love others
as He does. It's very important for us to realize and understand that true love changes us. God's love is the constructive type of love; He is our perfect Heavenly Father. It's at times disciplinary; real love doesn't always <i>feel</i> good. Sometimes love is painful and sometimes it hurts. The beauty of God's love though, is that it always serves a noble and pure purpose and we must be willing to look past our self-centered mindsets to see that.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show">True love never gives up and God never gives up on us! My
hope is to see everyone as He does; to cherish and value each life. My
hope is to live life like Jesus; taking this world and it's people as
they are, not as He would want us to be. Does that mean God approves of everything we do; absolutely not. What it exhibits is God's great mercy and grace. Through Jesus, he forgives us and works towards refining us so that we might need to ask for it less and less. Just as a child learns the hard way not to touch the stove when its hot, sometimes we must learn like that as well; even as adults. Like a loving parent, God will be there to heal our injuries and provide us with wise counsel and guidance on why we shouldn't sin (hurt ourselves/others) again.<br /><br />I pray to never think I am
better than anyone else, but rather be transparent in my many
shortcomings. There are certain aspects of my past that I regret, am
embarrassed by, and even ashamed of. In the present there are many
things I still need to learn and allow God to change in me. Yet I truly
believe that God can turn our messes into inspiring messages, our trials
and the testing times we go through into our testimonies, and our
failures into victories; for it is not "I" that is great but it is in
fact God in me who is great. </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show">Love is who God is; perfect and holy. Not
that puppy love stuff; the fully committed, lifelong, for better or worse love; true love. Even
though God is not afraid to allow us to fall flat on our faces, hit rock
bottom, and challenge us to be the best we can be, HE IS the one you have
always hoped for; the one who will love you, as you were yesterday, as you are today, and who you are becoming; for all
eternity.<br /><br />He simple wants you to follow Him, because He knows that when you do, your life will be greater than you could have ever imagined. It can resemble the utopian life <u>He imagined</u> and created for us in the Garden of Eden.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show">He sacrificed His Son to prove His love; and there is no greater love than the type of love that lays down its life for another.<br /><br /><span style="color: #444444;"><b>"</b></span></span></span><span style="color: #444444;"><b>We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we
also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters." - 1 John 3:16</b></span></span><span class="p"></span><br />
<span class="p"><br /></span>
<span class="p"><span style="font-size: large;">Conviction is defined as: </span></span><span class="p"><span style="font-size: large;"><u><i>a strong belief or opinion.</i></u> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="p"><span style="font-size: large;">I am a man of strong convictions, yet I also know so was Jesus. I am learning more and more that it is not my place to judge others but to love others. Although Jesus rebuked His friends and religious leaders, He hated no one. Jesus commands us to love one another, as He loved us. I can only control my own actions and I hope my actions love people to Christ, so that He may change them as He has changed me. It's a great thing, not a bad thing...</span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="p"><span style="font-size: large;">I am still me; just a better me.<br /><br />God is good! I challenge you all to get to know Him; not through the media, but through the Bible. It's your choice, no one can force you to believe. God himself chooses not to force you either, it's one of the greatest things about God; He is fair and just and loving.<br /><br />Love,</span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="p"><span style="font-size: large;">-Matthew =) </span></span>Matthewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14266691203419135858noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1090459496212326263.post-69051014627487176802014-02-07T21:59:00.000-05:002014-02-13T22:02:14.746-05:00Why I am Pro-Life and Pro-Choice<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Can I just
be really honest with you all?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am
terrified to write my thoughts on and surrounding the topic of abortion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have actually wanted to write them out for
months now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I suppose that on the
anniversary of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Roe v. Wade</i>, I have
found the <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">courage </b>to do so.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Being a
man, I can see the outrage that this post might bring.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can see the hateful comments that I might
have to endure and statements like “you’re not a woman, how could you ever
understand” being said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well ladies, you
are correct, I will never be a woman.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I cannot
fully understand how a woman thinks or what being pregnant is like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, what I am able to do is share my
feelings and state my opinion on a topic that does not only affect women, but
all human beings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am a man who is
learning increasingly more from God that life is precious. All human beings,
both women and men, are special and valued.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I view this topic as a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">human’s
rights issue</i>, not a women’s rights issue.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">I view pregnancy
as a gift and a privilege.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pregnancy is
a gift because you women are the only beautiful one’s who actually get the
privilege of sustaining and delivering human life into this world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ladies, if it weren’t for your unique
ability, the human race would be extinct.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My reason for speaking up is brought on by the anguish and pain I experience
from this issue; how can so many of us accept this damaging mindset in which we
casually discard how amazing conception is, how extraordinary pregnancy is, how
precious giving birth is, and how valuable life is?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Life is a beautiful miracle, just watch a
documentary about conception.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is it
comfortable all the time or convenient to have a baby; no it isn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, it is painful, and no, I do not totally understand
exactly how painful it can at times be, but I do know that more often than not,
this common phrase holds to be true; “no pain, no gain”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not to minimize how difficult pregnancies can
be; but when it comes to enjoying many of the joys we experience in life, it
takes great struggle, pain, and sacrifice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If you want that chiseled body, it’s going to take lots of painful body
sculpting workouts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you want to start
a thriving company, you better believe it’s going to take a lot of personal
sacrifice and hard work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you want to
graduate from college, you will have to take the time to study and possibly struggle
through all the tests and papers to get that degree.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you want the joys of having children, you
better believe it is going to, at times, be painful, a struggle, and require
self-sacrifice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yet, having children can
be so rewarding and often bring us some of the deepest joys in life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that isn’t exactly on topic, but my
point is, whether or not you in fact do want children, we need to be prepared
and accountable for the actions that lead to bearing a child while accepting
and expecting the possible results of those actions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The important focus to understand is that
these consequences involve human life, and more than just the consummating
parties’ lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We cannot perceive the
resulting outcome as anything less than precious and beautiful; regardless of
how the action is played out.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Let’s talk about
this <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">action</i> and the resulting <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">consequence</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In a VERY simplistic description, you bring a
child into this world by having sex, becoming pregnant, and giving birth after
9 months or so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So what extremely cheap way
(actually it’s free) can you not have a child?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Simply don’t get pregnant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How do
you not get pregnant?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You abstain from
sex!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">simple</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, in no way am I
trying to act “holier than though”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most
of my adult life, I have failed miserably in this department.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wasn’t really taught about abstinence and
its importance, I was taught how to use a condom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wasn’t taught about the emotional,
physical, chemical, and spiritual connection that happens when two people join
together in sexual intimacy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wasn’t
taught that virginity was something sacred; something to be cherished.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This isn’t to blame anyone, but rather to
point out that we, society as a whole, tend to do a REALLY poor job of teaching
our youth the whole truth about sex.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Purity isn’t something to be scoffed at; it is something to be proud
of.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Virginity should NEVER be a goal of
young men or women to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">take</i> from each
other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Men and women alike should NOT be
applauded for their sexual conquests.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Why you might ask?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I now confidently
stand up for abstinence because of every brokenhearted boy or girl out
there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I speak out for the millions of
innocent lives aborted before they ever had a chance to be lived out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am speaking up for the men or women who have
suffered from wondering who their biological parents are and questioning why
they didn’t keep them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am standing up
for the mothers and fathers who have had to make these heart-wrenching decisions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am standing up for each man or woman who
gave themselves away in the false belief that it would keep someone around or
fulfill them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I stand up for abstinence,
this lost habitude of preservation, because of the many tears I have shed by my
foolish choices and for the many tears I have caused others by those same foolish
choices.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">My heart
breaks for each aborted human being.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
heart breaks for each mother who chooses this painful act.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My heart breaks for the underlying cause of
abortion, an unplanned/unwanted pregnancy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My heart breaks because we live in a society, a world, that is progressively
teaching us the unhealthy view that sex is something to be marketed, used for
our own selfish pleasure (no matter who it hurts, including oneself), and seen
as something more trivial than special.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Many of you
may not know this, but Jane Roe’s actual name is <span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Norma Leah McCorvey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Norma’s story
is a very sad one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Norma was a very
troubled girl who endured an extremely terrible childhood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was raised by a violent alcoholic mother
and her father left their family when she was a young teen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was placed in boarding schools and a
reform school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was raped by a woman
at one of these schools and later also by a man, her mother’s cousin… Without
going into more detail, she was a very hurt girl. It’s been said and observed
that, “hurting people; hurt people”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
is quite commonplace in many psychological observances that people who are
indeed hurting, tend to hurt others; including themselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>McCorvey herself revealed that she sought an
abortion because she was unemployable and greatly depressed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The sad truth is that this young 21-year old
girl was just looking for “a way out” of her own pain and wrongfully assumed
aborting her third pregnancy would solve that problem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Norma didn’t even end up having an abortion
and has said herself that she believes she was the "pawn" of those two
young and ambitious lawyers; Linda Coffee and Sarah Weddington.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Norma actually has stated that she regrets
the role she played in this negative change in our society; admitting she was a
very confused young woman. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Norma is now
fighting <b>for</b> the civil liberties of unborn babies and has been since the
late 1990s.<br />
<br />
It is in my observation, that Roe v. Wade had nothing to do with cherishing
women or protecting them; it rather had more to do with two young lawyers
wanting to use a controversial issue to further their own prominence in this
countries legal system; mistakenly thinking that they were standing up for
women’s rights by simply being women who won a significant court case involving
women.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They were only partially correct,
as the women’s rights movement began in order to provide equal opportunities to
women in all aspects of <b>life</b>, including education, employment, and
government representation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, they
were horribly wrong by assuming that fighting for the equality of women in
society could be associated, even in the slightest, with the inhumane practice
of abortion.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">The definition of being <u>humane</u> is “characterized by tenderness,
compassion, and sympathy for people and animals”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The very word, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">humane</i> has the word “human” in it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What blows my mind is that we have federal laws that protect the unborn
babies of turtles, birds, and other animals, yet we actually have the audacity
to create and support laws that kill human babies?!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do not try to argue with me and tell me that
a fetus is just a bunch of cells; guess what, SO ARE YOU!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The only difference between you and a fetus
is that you are in different stages of human development.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The fetus, an unborn baby, is a child; he or she
is a developing person, not just some lump of protoplasm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do not need my religious beliefs to convict
me that a fetus is in fact alive and in the very earlier stages of a human
being, science has already deemed a scientific law that proves this. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The <u>law of biogenesis</u> is “the
observation that living things come only from other living things, by
reproduction”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your eggs are alive in
you and so is the sperm that penetrates it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They are two halves of what it takes to make a human; the second they
join together, that is the moment a living human being is created.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not only that, but abortions go directly
against the original Greek Hippocratic Oath that many physicians swear to
uphold before practicing medicine; where it clearly is translated to stating: “I
will give no deadly medicine to anyone if asked, nor suggest any such counsel;
and similarly I will not give a woman a destructive pessary to cause an
abortion.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A pessary is any medical
device inserted into a woman’s vagina.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This was/is a rule of doctors to protect unborn children and their mothers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It makes my blood boil that we stamp the
label of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">women’s rights</i> on something
as unrighteous as abortion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Abortions
have killed over 50 MILLION human beings alone in America; talk about genocide…
and this is actually legal?!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Abortions
not only sever unborn human life, they also hurt women physically and
emotionally!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Women’s rights should be
there to protect women, not hurt them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The only thing <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“the right”</i> to
abort a pregnancy <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">defends</i>, are the ones
living “unpunished” with the magnitude that quite literally is killing a <b>human
being;</b> which most likely was the result of someone’s selfish act to seek
pleasure without the desire to be responsible for the consequences of those
actions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Candidly speaking, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">it can be</i> used as a jail-free card that
allows people to have sex without any of the resulting concerns; the right to
abort, which is sometimes used like a contraceptive, merely “protects”
irresponsible people; allowing them to continue being selfish with their
sexuality; whether that be a man or a woman.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There is no gender to blame here; both men and women are equally
responsible for abortions; a baby cannot be created absent of one or the other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I recognize that what I said may sound harsh,
yet what I described as being selfish is exactly what the definition states; “a
person, action, or motive lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly
with one's own personal profit or pleasure”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I speak so strongly on the issue, not simply because of what I have
learned from reading The Bible or learned from scientific or psychological
studies regarding sex, I do so because I have lived out the opposite of what I
am suggesting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have seen the pain I
have caused others with my selfishness and I have felt that pain myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can call me a hypocrite if you like, but
it won’t stop me from changing and believing that the way I lived in the past
was not the right way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I now actively
live out abstinence as I wait to marry my wife.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Although it’s not easy, it is much less painful and totally worth the
little sacrifices I make.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I honor myself
and any woman I date.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We all need to
stop twisting the truth for personal gain, confusing what is right and wrong in
our society, and making excuses for the consequences we try to avoid as a
result of our self-centered actions and desires.<br />
<br />
The topic of abortion shouldn’t even be a discussion because of the <u>great</u>
cost abortion takes; a human life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How
is that not appalling to us all?!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You
might say, “well, what about incest and rape?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Those are both TERRIBLE things to have to endure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It brings me great pain to think about each
horrid action, more so than you readers can understand; yet NEITHER are viable excuses
or justifications to have an abortion; not morally or ethically.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, the mother or father did not ask to be
abused in such a manner, yet neither did the resulting child ask to be created
from it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Abortion does not solve the problems
of incest, unwanted pregnancy, and rape; in fact, it is a severely devastating
and ineffective way to combat these horrible acts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">can</i>
make a difference is accurate education about sex, a paradigm shift on how we
view sex, and proper moral teaching on how we need to treat each other as
fellow human beings; regardless of gender, age, race, religion, or social class.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">The organization, <b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Feminists for
Life</i>,</b> states; “Abortion hurts women, kills children and destroys
families”; I couldn’t agree more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ladies
and Gentlemen, whether you choose to believe the truth that each fetus is
indeed human, worthy of protection at the point of conception, or not, I
implore to you all; please terminate this dishonorable fight for <s>the right</s>
to abort babies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="color: #444444;"><b>There is nothing
admirable about a fight that creates ‘<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">fairness’</i>
by injustice.</b></span></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">“Those who can make you
believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.”</span></i><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"> - Voltaire</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">As stated in the title, I
am both “pro-life” and “pro-choice”.</span></div>
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<u><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Why I am “Pro-Life”:</span></u></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">I am for the worldwide
understanding that each and every human life is valuable and to be cherished,
regardless of how it was conceived.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Why I am “Pro-Choice”:</span></u></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">I am for choosing to educate
our young men and women on the many dangers, both physically and emotionally, that
are caused by abortions.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">I am for choosing to teach men
and women, the very Biblical standpoint, that women are equal to men.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That Eve was created second out of Adam’s
rib, not because she is any less important, but to show us that women are
literally a part of men and should be treated as such; with the utmost care.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">I am for choosing to teach
our boys and girls to protect themselves and their bodies; that being a virgin
is something to hold onto and be proud of; not their sexual prowess.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are sexual creatures, yet it is not in our
sexual desires that make us strong or powerful people, it is in our learned ability
to purely love and cherish one another.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">I am for choosing to teach
our boys and girls that they are loved, valued, and important.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That they are not sexual objects.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That man and woman are the two most treasured
parts of God’s beautiful creation; both being designed in His image.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">I am for choosing to teach
both our boys and girls that although, in some ways, we are clearly different,
none of these differences make either gender weaker or less important.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, our inherent gender differences
compliment each other almost perfectly.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">I am for choosing life,
liberty, and the pursuit of happiness; when it doesn’t cause another human being
harm, danger, or death.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">I cannot claim that I have always felt this way or acted as I should
have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have cried many tears for the
mistakes of my past and have done a lot of soul-searching these past two and
half years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have and continue to grow
as a man and human being.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God has this marvelous
way of transforming lives and changing people for the better; He has and
continues to do so in mine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Bible is
actually filled with many troubled and hurting people: Jacob was a liar, Joseph
was abused, Moses was a murderer, Rahab was a prostitute, David had an affair
and was an accomplice to murder, Jonah ran from God and thought he was better
than a whole city of people… all who chose to change their hearts with God; all
of whom were changed for the better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Shoot, Norma McCorvey is a great example herself.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">My intentions for writing this are not out of judgment or anger towards anyone;
women or men.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If anything, I am actually
mad at the men, including myself, who have allowed themselves and society to
devalue women; which has thus resulted in the telling signs we see today where
some women devalue men.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s an ugly
cycle that we all need to break free from.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Both men and women are unique and equally valuable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I honestly believe that there should’ve never
been a women’s suffrage or a women’s rights movement only because there should
NEVER have been the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>need</u></i> for
one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wrote about abortion not just to
enlighten our viewpoints on the matter, but also to expose its ugly culprit;
irresponsible and egocentric sex.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
wrote my views on the topic with the hopes of speaking some truth and shedding
some light on how it should not and cannot be acceptable for us to choose to
kill human beings; regardless of the reason or ones developmental stage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I believe that we have great opportunities in
life, even responsibilities, to show love and exhibit compassion; even after
the most horrific of acts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Saving
innocent lives rather than aborting them should be one of these events.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You may think that you do not have a choice,
but you do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You always have a choice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Choose <span style="color: #0b5394;">life</span>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Choose <b><span style="color: #990000;">Love</span>.</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">“The care of human life and happiness, and not their destruction, is the
first and only object of good government.”</span></i><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"> - Thomas Jefferson</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">“The world is very different now. For man holds in his mortal hands the
power to abolish all forms of human poverty, and all forms of human life” - </span></i><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">John
F. Kennedy</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">“There can be no keener revelation of a society's soul than the way in
which it treats its children.”</span></i><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"> - Nelson Mandela</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">“If you truly believe in the value of life, you care about all of the
weakest and most vulnerable members of society.”</span></i><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"> -
Joni Eareckson Tada </span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">I challenge each of you, including myself, to live a
life of purity; to see each other as valued equals in society as well as in
life; and to protect one another through acts of selfless love.</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Love,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">-Matthew<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -4.5pt; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">p.s. during my research, I
discovered the book <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Won by Love</i> by
Norma McCorvey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is a book I plan on
reading myself and if any of you are also more curious about her story, you
should check it out too.<br />
<br />
=)</span></div>
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<![endif]--><br />Matthewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14266691203419135858noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1090459496212326263.post-78947998769408840402013-11-10T21:21:00.002-05:002014-02-08T13:22:52.333-05:00MAN UP!<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">It’s time for Men to Man Up!</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">True Manhood; Biblical Manhood, is an entirely different standard, that in
today’s society, our men are rarely being taught. It starts in the home and in too many cases there is no man in the home to teach the principals of biblical
manhood. Our young men are certainly not going to be taught these
principals in our schools or from our increasingly lacking society! We need
more male role models for these boys, before the future generation of men
becomes completely unrecognizable from the original standard of a biblical man.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">Today, you see men pointing blame on others and not taking
responsibility for themselves or their choices. We see an increased adolescence
in young adult men, fueled by selfishness and role confusion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Narcissism among men (women too) is at
an all-time high; many men today are so concerned with appearance and being the
“cool guy” that they can’t get out of the mirror, when what they really need to
do is point the mirror at their heart and realize that they need a transplant;
a change of heart, not a new woman, flashy wardrobe, or an expensive car to
determine their worth; a man’s worth should be evident by WHO HE IS IN CHRIST
not who he is in a Porsche, Ralph Lauren, or the next "notch on his belt".<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span>
<br />
<ul type="disc"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">Pride:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Men you
are not always right, it’s ok to take direction, admit fault and grow!<o:p></o:p></span></span></li>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">Sexual temptations: <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Immodest w</span>omen don’t make it easy these
days; but regardless, God is clear to cherish women as sisters in Christ
and it is our humble responsibility to look at women through the lens of
our Creator!<o:p></o:p></span></span></li>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">Anger:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Squash
it! It’s just not worth it; the joy of the Lord is within you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Holding onto anger blocks out room for
Love.<o:p></o:p></span></span></li>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">Envy: <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’ve got
Jesus homie, what could you possibly be envious of? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That new car, those new shoes, that high
salary, that new TV, or going from woman to woman; it’s time to realize that these are all
roads that lead to false fulfillment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Jesus is the only one who can fulfill your soul!<o:p></o:p></span></span></li>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">Relationships:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Listen fellas, women are not objects to command and
conquer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are beautiful gifts
to us, to be loved and cherished, to be respected and valued.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You aren’t doing that when you take
advantage of them or sex her up before you wife her up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Commitment isn’t for a night; it’s for
life bro!<o:p></o:p></span></span></li>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">Humility: <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Get on
your knees, humble yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Repent,
give it all to God, seek His forgiveness; admit you are fallen and in need
of Him!<o:p></o:p></span></span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p><span style="font-size: large;">These are all things that I hope to hold true in my own life; whose gonna join me?!</span></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>It’s time to MAN UP!!<o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
<br />
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</div>
Matthewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14266691203419135858noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1090459496212326263.post-56490827186140323992013-02-19T15:53:00.002-05:002014-03-03T16:49:14.147-05:00Perfect Love<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: large;">I found a quote that really hit me the other morning...</span><span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> </span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“We waste
time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.”</span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: large;">As I looked up the authors quote I
came across a woman's thoughts on the quote and I thought they were great and spot
on. I want to share them with you all because
I think this is definitely a problem growing today and also to share my "two cents" on the topic. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 9pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">"Everyone has different opinions about what love is,
what a perfect lover is, or what constitutes a good relationship. The
reality is, there is no perfect human being, which is why I believe there is no
such thing as a perfect lover. However, I believe there is such a thing as a
perfect love, but most people never experience it because they are too busy
trying to find or create the “perfect lover,” and as result, they end up being
disappointed over and over.</span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 9pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Often times we try to change the people that we have
relationships with, and that makes things worse because most people don’t want
to be changed or controlled. As much as we like to think we can change people,
the truth is, we CANNOT change anyone. We can only change ourselves, and at
best we may inspire others to WANT to change themselves.</span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 9pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">So I thought about this and asked myself, how can we inspire
people to WANT to change (particularly the person you are in a relationship
with)? And I realized that the single most important thing is to make the
person FEEL like they are part of something bigger than the both of you and
that they try doing it for the collective good. It’s something that is going
to bring them happiness as much as it will bring others happiness.</span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 9pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">So what is something that is bigger than the two lovers that
they have in common? Well, I believe it’s the LOVE they share. That mutual love
is most likely what brought them together in the first place, and it’s what
keeps most couples together despite their differences.</span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 9pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Now that we have identified this powerful thing that these
lovers share, which is their love for each other, then why not use that to
create a better, stronger, happier, and more lasting relationship?</span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 9pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">I believe couples can create the perfect love, and if they
make THAT their focus and their common goal, then they will experience greater
happiness and have a better, lasting relationship.</span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 9pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Note: the key word here is “<u>CREATE</u>” which implies
that there needs to be <u>ACTION</u> taken; there needs to be an <u>EFFORT</u>
made by both parties in order to get the desired result. Don’t think of the
“perfect love” as just an idea, a fantasy, or an impossible thing that many
people just dream of. And even if you believe it’s possible; don’t think of it
as something that just happens because two people love each other. Rather think
of it as a goal that is achievable, but that requires <u>WORK</u>. Just like
anything else in life, <b>you have to work
on your relationships</b> in order for them to be successful. But most people
are not willing to do that, and they are caught up in trying to find the
perfect lover, rather than creating the perfect love.</span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 9pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Love, in its essence, is already perfect. But since
everybody’s idea of love is different and everyone wants to be loved
differently, the love that two lovers share will most likely not be perfect
when they come together. However, with <b>patience
and consistent effort from both sides</b>, they can create the
perfect love. They must learn to act as a team, working together on a common
goal. And that goal should be to create a whole new love that is unique to the
two of them and that is perfect for the both of them.</span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 9pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The thing that hurts most relationships is selfishness and
too much focus on “I”, instead of “we”. When one partner acts selfishly, the
other one will most likely do the same, and they end up hurting each other. A
team is not created to hurt each other or to take advantage of one another; a
team is created to work together, play together, and WIN together. Act like a
team and keep your eyes on the prize!</span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 9pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">And don’t forget to have good communication with your
partner and occasionally remind him or her that you are a team with a common
goal: to create the perfect love. And do whatever it takes to sustain that
perfect love. Your job is not to compete with each other or to change each
other. Your job is to be the best you can be as (individuals and as a team),
and to learn from each other, to grow together, and to work together to create
something beautiful and meaningful."</span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 9pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 9pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: large;">I really liked so much of what this woman wrote. It spoke so
much to me about how love should look and how a "perfect"
relationship can be CREATED together with someone you love. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 9pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: large;">I personally would however change/add a few things... </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 9pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: large;">No person is perfect and therefore no love created will be
"perfect" either nor will any relationship. However I think that's
almost the point. Only God is perfect and only His love is perfect. Our goal
shouldn't simply be the love we share as she said but more importantly on
seeking something even greater; God; and having us look to His perfect love to
better love each other. It is something we must CHOOSE to do constantly; just
like we must choose to love Him constantly. Just as we need to seek God and
work on our relationship with Him daily, we need to do the same in our second
most intimate relationship after ours with God; with the person we choose to
love for life; our spouses. As we choose to seek Him and choose every day to
love God and each other, it becomes a lifelong journey of commitment. How
awesome is that; the goal to grow together and love each other never ends;
which I believe to be such a blessing! We realize in it that we always
need God, each other, grace and love and compassion etc.; the list goes on.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 9pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: large;">I just can find so many similarities between our
relationship with God and how a "perfect relationship" with the
person we choose to spend our life with should look like.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 9pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: large;">The key; no the glue, that holds it all together is our
daily <u>commitment</u> to God, to each other, and to His love and striving to
make it our love. God first loved us and His commitment to loving us
NEVER ends. He chooses to love us every single day; no strings attached.
However, the relationship doesn't begin or flourish until we choose
to love Him back... a marriage is so similar. You BOTH must choose to love each
other, day in and day out; with open hearts; consistently willing to grow and
learn and love each other. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 9pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: large;">God gave us a "perfect" blueprint on how to have a
successful and great relationship for life (see the Bible for reference;
preferably every day). What we need to
do now is put in the work to build our "perfect" relationship; while
having God as our foundation and guide.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 9pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: large;">Personally, I'm so unafraid to be committed because of how
committed God is to me...</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: large;"> </span>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 9pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: large;">I pray you guys gain some wisdom from this post, even if you
don’t believe in God. Relationships take
a lot of work and we need to get this idea out of our heads that we are the
center of the world; that things should just be easy and handed to use on
silver platters; and STOP treating spouses like jobs; that if we aren’t happy
every day, we can just get a new one.
Life is tough; we aren’t going to be happy all the time. It’s time to grow up and accept that and also
realize that somebody else isn’t going to always be better or have less
problems. We all have issues; it’s time
to be courageous, honor the vows of<i> in sickness and in health, in good times and
in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally,
to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and
cry with you, and to cherish; till death do us part,<b> </b></i>get our
hands “dirty”, and fight for the ones we love by working TOGETHER through our
issues rather than running away and ignoring them/each other.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 9pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 9pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: large;">CAN I GET AN AMEN!?
=P</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 9pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: large;">Love you guys, thanks for reading and sorry for the long
absence!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 9pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 9pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: large;">-Matthew =)</span></div>
Matthewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14266691203419135858noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1090459496212326263.post-42291611062921014382012-09-13T18:27:00.001-04:002014-02-08T13:25:51.305-05:00Cancer/Life Update (90 Days into Chemo)I haven't written a cancer/life update in a few weeks so I wanted to give you guys an update before i go for chemo treatment #5 tomorrow!<br />
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<br />
My visit to Maine back in early August was FANTASTIC!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got to see so many people and reconnect
with a few I hadn’t seen or talked to in a while.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My friends have been amazing; Nick &
Ashley, I want to thank you again so much for paying for my flight up to Maine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You both ROCK!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank you again to everyone who were my chauffeurs
while I was in Maine and to everyone who made the time to see me!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Jaime, Maddy, and Rich Stevens, Nick,
Ashley, Ben, Ashton, Barbie, Jordan, Chelsea, Natalie, Nichole, Linda, Robin,
Phyllis, Rachel, Sammie, Max, Rachael, Dawn, Jackie, Rhiannon, Tammy, Ross, Liz,
Nate, and Tia… I think that is everybody lol).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Thanks for making this guy feel so loved!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>=)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
schedule was packed though and I think I pushed myself too much while I was up
there and it could have played a part into why my white blood levels were too
low when I went for my fourth treatment on August 17th.</div>
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My Dad and I drove through the night from Portland into
Baltimore and got there with an hour to spare before my 8am phlebotomy
time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As some of you saw on my facebook
page; we had some issues with me receiving my fourth treatment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was the first time my blood levels hadn’t
be good enough for chemo; specifically my <a href="http://coloncancer.about.com/od/glossary/g/neutrophils.htm" target="_blank">neutrophils</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As you can see from the picture below, they
were PRETTY DANG LOW!!</div>
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I couldn’t find my most recent results that included the
day when I actually received my fourth treatment, which was on Thursday August 23rd,
6 days after when I should have had it, but I do remember that my neutrophils had
gone up to 950/cu mm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In order for me to
receive chemo they need to be at the very least 500/cu mm.</div>
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This fourth treatment was pretty hard for me to “stomach”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have noticed that each treatment has gotten
progressively harder for me to handle mentally and physically.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s kind of like my mind and body have
synced up and fully understand what the drugs are doing to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I get anxious and a bit unsettled going to
the hospital now; just the thought of the chemo drugs gives me that weird chemo
taste in my mouth and makes me feel a little nauseous. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The smell of the office and even looking at
the drugs bothers me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t watch
her inject the “<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doxorubicin" target="_blank">red devil</a>” or the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vincristine_sulfate" target="_blank">vincristine sulfate</a> and hold to
close my eyes and hold my Dads hand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
actually need to move on from writing about it because it’s just making me feel
sick, yuck!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My nurse noticed my evident
discomfort this last time around and asked me what was wrong and I explained to
her what I just wrote above.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She told me
that this is actually pretty common with patients receiving what I am receiving
and many tend to throw up before treatments #5 and #6.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She said that she could prescribe me an
anti-anxiety drug that would also give me temporary amnesia which helps a lot
with my next two treatments.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My first
thought was, “oh great, another drug to add to my repertoire; I don’t really
want any more drugs in my body”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>However, after discussing it with my parents and family more, we have
decided to give it a shot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am someone
who doesn’t like to take drugs; and even more so now because I have so many in
my system.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even before all of this, if I
got a headache, I would more often than not, just drink more water and take it
easy rather than pop a couple Advil.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If
the headache lasted more than one day, then I would take an Advil but only half
the recommended dosage and that would normally do that trick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think I am sensitive to drugs so I don’t
need a lot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did get a nice surprise to
have Janice visit me with my Dad this time around.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love her, she is just so awesome; definitely
one of my best friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is such a
blessing to have in my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Other than
that, the chemo went smoothly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did
need to come back the next day though for a <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0000407/" target="_blank">Neulasta shot</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is a shot that I needed to have within
24 hours of my chemo treatment because my neutrophils and white blood cells had
been so low.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Neulasta is injected into
my left tricep and is supposed to “jump start” my bone marrow to produce more
white blood cells.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’ll see tomorrow if
it works.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There can be some side effects
with it, but all I noticed was that my arms and chest (specifically my ribs)
were sensitive and tender to the touch for about 3 or 4 days during my
first week after the treatment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’ll
see if it worked tomorrow afternoon when I get my blood results back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope it did, because I really want to visit
Maine again in two weeks for Ben & Barbie’s wedding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I already missed one wedding this summer; I
do not want to miss two, especially because I was a groomsman in both of them.</div>
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Now me having to push back my fourth treatment was not
something I was happy about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had been
planning for over a month for Ben to fly down to Virginia so that he and I, and
my cousins Chad and Josh could go to the Redskins vs. <s>Colts</s> preseason
game on Saturday August 25th.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even
though this wasn’t the smartest idea to still go, I pretty much sheer willed
myself to go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ben was still flying in
and these were AMAZING seats that my cousin got us for the game.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are called “Dream Seats” and we sat two
rows up from the field.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We also got free
hot dogs, peanuts, water, sodas, and cookies up through the third quarter of
the game; BONUS!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0000091/" target="_blank">prednisone</a> makes me
really hungry that first week of chemo so it was perfect for me haha.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think I ballooned up to 170lbs that week
but my weight gain has been pretty steady besides that week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have gained about 20lbs since starting
chemo which is encouraging; I consistently weigh about 162lbs now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a great game and the ‘Skins won which
made it even better; we were even on NFL.com highlights of the <a href="http://www.nfl.com/videos/washington-redskins/0ap2000000054697/Robert-Griffin-III-4-yard-touchdown-pass" target="_blank">RG3 to Moss touchdown</a> since it happened right in front of our seats.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thanks again Chad; you’re the man
broham!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>=) <br />
<br />
After that weekend though I had to just rest; I was weak and very tired after
that game for about a week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I started to
feel better eventually and did another workout class with Janice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s fun and is actually a pretty darn good
workout.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My legs felt like cement and
were sore for 3 days after.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Against my
own stubbornness, I decided to skip my 3 mile run this week; I don’t want to
push my body too hard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I need my white
blood cells to be high enough for treatment this time around because I really
want to get back up to Maine for the wedding.<br />
<br />
I also need to give a HUGE shout-out to my man Cody who has been starting another <a href="https://www.facebook.com/AFundraiserForMattNelson?ref=ts" target="_blank">fundraiser</a> for me in Maine. He has been putting a lot of time and work into it. I also have had done two interviews; one over Skype and the other over the phone with "The Free Press" (my college's newspaper) and the "The Bangor Daily News" respectively. They are doing stories on me to help promote the fundraiser as well as to promote Lymphoma awareness. It affects younger men more than anyone else for some reason so I want to spread that knowledge to other guys in their twenties.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5HsNCD0wf0y0gRXuhJgqixgR6dbQ7G5ZvliNjiE0E2vqpQMaIUGUqjymCqAhYpwpRRx3vCF2RK-agtvTfST0IkDmaR4Y-e9LtA47nTup18zZet7kcamPrfF0uNPWHzXY9miXN0wBpCi8/s1600/Fundraiser+by+Cody.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5HsNCD0wf0y0gRXuhJgqixgR6dbQ7G5ZvliNjiE0E2vqpQMaIUGUqjymCqAhYpwpRRx3vCF2RK-agtvTfST0IkDmaR4Y-e9LtA47nTup18zZet7kcamPrfF0uNPWHzXY9miXN0wBpCi8/s400/Fundraiser+by+Cody.jpg" height="146" width="400" /></a></div>
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Thanks Cody, you are such a GREAT friend!!<br />
<br />
I have been getting more involved at my church and I am really
excited about it!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am going to be
co-leading a new connection group for 17-26 year olds with the pastors’
daughter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is going to be based off of
this great book I am currently reading titled <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Emotionally-Healthy-Spirituality-Unleash-Revolution/dp/0849946425/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1347552523&sr=8-1&keywords=emotional+healthy+spirituality" target="_blank"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>Emotionally Healthy Spirituality</u></i></a> by Peter
Scazzero.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>
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It explores the following: <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">You
can’t be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature. Even
though Peter was the pastor of a growing church, he did what most people
do:</i></div>
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Avoid
conflict in the name of Christianity</i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Ignore anger,
sadness, and fear</i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Use God to
“run” from God</i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Live
without boundaries</i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Eventually God
awakened him to a biblical integration of emotional health, a relationship
with Jesus, and the classic practices of contemplative spirituality. It created
nothing short of a spiritual revolution, utterly transforming him and his
church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In this book Scazzero outlines
his journey and the signs of emotionally unhealthy spirituality. Then he
provides seven biblical, reality-tested ways to break through to the
revolutionary life Christ meant for you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The combination of emotional health and contemplative spirituality,
he says, unleashes the Holy Spirit inside us so that we might
experientially know the power of an authentic life in Christ</i>”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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One of my favorite excerpts so far from my reading is the
following: </div>
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“<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">God made us as
whole people, in his image (see Genesis 1:27). That image includes physical,
spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and social dimensions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ignoring any aspect of who we are as men and
women made in God’s image always results in destructive consequences; in our
relationship with God, with others, and with ourselves. If you meet someone,
for example, who is mentally challenged or physically disabled, his or her lack
of mental or physical development is readily apparent. An autistic child in a
crowded playground standing alone for hours without interacting with other
children stands out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Emotional
underdevelopment, however, is not so obvious when we first meet people. Over
time, as we become involved with them, that reality becomes readily
apparent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had ignored the “emotional
component” in my seeking of God for seventeen years. The spiritual-discipleship
approaches of the churches and ministries that had shaped me did not have the
language, theology, or training to help me in this area. It didn’t matter how
many books I read or seminars I attended in the other areas; physical, social,
intellectual, spiritual. It didn’t matter how many years passed, whether
seventeen or another thirty. I would remain an emotional infant until this was
exposed and transformed through Jesus Christ. The spiritual foundation upon
which I had built my life (and had taught others) was cracked. There was no
hiding it from those closest to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
had been taught that the way to approach life was through fact, faith, and
feelings, in that order. As a result, anger, for example, was simply not
important to my walk with God. In fact, it was dangerous and needed to be
suppressed. Most people are either “stuffers” or “inflictors” of their anger.
Some are both, stuffing it until they finally explode onto others. I was a
classic stuffer, asking God to take away my “bad” feelings and make me like
Christ.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My failure to “pay attention to
God” and to what was going on inside me caused me to miss many gifts. He was
lovingly coming and speaking to me, seeking to get me to change. I just wasn’t
listening. I never expected God to meet me through feelings such as sadness,
depression, and anger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I finally
discovered the link between emotional and spiritual health, a Copernican
revolution began for me and there was no going back. This revolutionary link
transformed my personal journey with Christ, my marriage, parenting, and,
ultimately, New Life Fellowship Church where I pastor.</i>”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">^pretty awesome
huh!?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></b>I love it because I feel like
I have encountered a lot of Christians in my journey so far that think (not
always consciously) that once they accept Christ into their lives, they all of
a sudden can’t be “human” anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Listen, our humanity will not leave us in this life and the sooner we
can accept that simple fact and everything that pertains to that knowledge, we
can start on the road of recovery and truly begin to understand, as much as
humanly possible, God’s <u>AMAZING</u> <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">GRACE</b>
in our lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Does that mean that we
should continue to be the same people we were before knowing Christ or “being”
of this world; no of course not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God
calls us to be set apart from the world and that we are new creations in
Christ; but we will never be perfect examples of Him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If that were possible, we would have never
needed Jesus in the first place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He gave
us a living example of how we should <u>STRIVE</u> to live our lives, but never
expected us to do it without falling short from time to time; for we were saved
by GRACE not by our works or deeds.</div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be
transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and
approve what God’s will is; His good, pleasing and perfect will.” – Romans 12:2</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“Anyone who believes in Christ is a new creation. The old
is gone! The new has come!” - 2 Corinthians 5:17</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“God’s grace has saved you because of your faith in
Christ. Your salvation doesn’t come from anything you do. It is God’s gift.” - Ephesians
2:8</b></span></div>
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Also, this devotional from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Jesus Calling</i> was a great reminder that God is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">the Great Physician</i> and it brought me encouragement and inspiration
recently.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">“I AM A GOD WHO HEALS. I heal broken
bodies, broken minds, broken hearts, broken lives, and broken relationships. My
very Presence has immense healing powers. You cannot live close to Me without
experiencing some degree of healing. However, it is also true that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">you have not because you ask not</i>. You receive
the healing that flows naturally from My Presence, whether you seek it or not.
But there is more; much more, available to those who ask.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The first step in receiving healing is to
live ever so close to Me. The benefits of this practice are too numerous to
list. As you grow more and more intimate with Me, I reveal My will to you more
directly. When the time is right, I prompt you to ask for healing of some
brokenness in you or in another person. The healing may be instantaneous, or it
may be a process. That is up to Me. Your part is to trust Me fully and to thank
Me for the restoration that has begun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
rarely heal all the brokenness in a person's life. Even My servant Paul was
told, <i>"My grace is sufficient for you,"</i> when he sought healing
for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">the thorn in his flesh</i>.
Nonetheless, much healing is available to those whose lives are intimately
interwoven with Mine. <i>Ask, and you will receive.</i><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">”</span></b><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span>Check out the verses <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm%20103:3&version=NLV" target="_blank">Psalm 103:3</a>;
<a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=James%204:2&version=NIRV" target="_blank">James 4:2</a>; <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2%20Corinthians%2012:7-9&version=NLT" target="_blank">2 Corinthians 12:7-9</a>; <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%207:7&version=NLT" target="_blank">Matthew 7:7</a> as they all correspond to this
devotional.</div>
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I also have volunteered working in the office a couple
times doing various things they need done and last Thursday while I was there I
had mentioned to Ryan, the music minister, if he had heard the new Matthew West
single “Forgiveness”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He checked
out and was so moved by it that he added it to last Sunday’s worship
service.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He also asked me to join them
for practice later that night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I
reminded him that I was only working on one good vocal cord because of the
tumor in my chest and that even before then, I wasn’t the greatest singer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He insisted though that I just come and that
my unique energy would be very welcomed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I hesitantly and reluctantly agreed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I got back there later that night and Ryan looked like he had been
crying; he said that he kept listening to the song all afternoon and realized
that there was no way he could teach us this song or sing it if he didn’t let
go of the bitterness he had been holding on for the past 4 years against a few
old friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He called each one of them
up and forgave them all and asked them all for forgiveness as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was so happy to hear that; it just made me
smile and I gave him a big hug!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>HALLELUJAH, GOD IS SO GOOD!!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
told me that it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of his
shoulders.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He had been freed from the
pain in his past!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was so happy for him
and I gotta tell you, the worship practice was SO MUCH FUN!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I came home so happy and full of joy and
energy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I really love praising God; no
doubt about it!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The rest of the band
members wanted me to join them that Sunday for both 9am and 11am services.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was so nervous when I got on stage for the
first service, I was almost literally jumping up and down and I made sure I
told the AV guy to keep my mic turned down low.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I was definitely up there more to use my “body” as an instrument
praising the Lord.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The worship at this
church is a little stagnant to be honest and so I was hoping by me being up
there, I could bring a little more life into the praising.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In no way am I trying to float my boat
because everyone was AMAZING during both services; the church has some really
talented people in it’s worship team; but when I had a few people after each
service come up to me and tell me that they loved my worship and that I was an
inspiration to them; it truly made my day!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I love how God is using my cancer into something good; not just in my
own life but in the lives of others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
gotta say that it brought SO MUCH joy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
three songs we sang are the last three listed below on this blog’s playlist and
directly below are the lyrics to “Forgiveness” that moved me and many other
people that day.<br />
<br />
“<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It's the hardest thing to give away</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">And the last thing
on your mind today</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It always goes to
those that don't deserve</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It's the opposite
of how you feel</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">When the pain they
caused is just to real</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It takes everything
you have just to say the word...</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Forgiveness</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Forgiveness</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It flies in the
face of all your pride</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It moves away the
mad inside</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It's always anger's
own worst enemy</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Even when the jury
and the judge</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Say you gotta right
to hold a grudge</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It's the whisper in
your ear saying 'Set It Free'</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Forgiveness,
Forgiveness</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Forgiveness,
Forgiveness</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Show me how to love
the unlovable</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Show me how to
reach the unreachable</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Help me now to do
the impossible</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Forgiveness,
Forgiveness</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Help me now to do
the impossible</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Forgiveness</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It'll clear the
bitterness away</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It can even set a
prisoner free</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">There is no end to
what it's power can do</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">So, let it go and
be amazed</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">By what you see
through eyes of grace</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The prisoner that
it really frees is you</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Forgiveness,
Forgiveness</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Forgiveness,
Forgiveness</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Show me how to love
the unlovable</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Show me how to
reach the unreachable</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Help me now to do
the impossible</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Forgiveness</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I want to finally
set it free</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">So show me how to
see what Your mercy sees</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Help me now to give
what You gave to me</i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Forgiveness,
Forgiveness</i>”</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/FMn0QNdiuGE?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br />
<br />
I am pretty nervous for tomorrow; I really just <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">hate</i> chemotherapy and am nervous for how the <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0000560/" target="_blank">Lorazepam</a> is
going to affect me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could really use
your prayers tomorrow!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God is
continuing to bless me because along with my Mom, Janice and Ryan are gonna
visit me in the hospital tomorrow. #SOTHANKFUL</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Many of the devotionals in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Jesus Calling</i> have been helping me through this battle; especially
this one before tomorrow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">“TRUST ME in the
midst of a messy day. Your inner calm, your Peace in My Presence, need not be
shaken by what is going on around you. Though you live in this temporal world,
your innermost being is rooted and grounded in eternity. When you start to feel
stressed, detach yourself from the disturbances around you. Instead of
desperately striving to maintain order and control in your little world, relax
and remember that circumstances cannot touch My Peace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seek My Face, and I will share My mind with
you, opening your eyes to see things from My perspective. <i>Do not let your
heart be troubled, and do not be afraid.</i> The Peace I give is sufficient for
you”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></b>Check out the verses <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%2016:33&version=NLT" target="_blank">John 16:33</a>; <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm%20105:4&version=NLT" target="_blank">Psalm 105:4</a>; <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%2014:27&version=NLT" target="_blank">John 14:27</a> as they all correspond to this devotional.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
This upcoming week, I challenge you all to seek <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Forgiveness</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ask for forgiveness from those you have hurt,
seek forgiveness from those who have hurt you, and above all do both in prayer
with God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It isn’t worth it to hold onto
the bitterness and pain that weigh you down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><a href="http://jcluforever.com/devotional-forgiveness-is-about-you-not-about-them" target="_blank">Forgiveness</a> does not justify what the person did in any way, but without
it, you can be holding down that person AS WELL AS yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And if needed, do it more than once.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God calls us to forgive as many times as we have to.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“Then Peter came to Jesus and said, ‘Lord, how many times
may my brother sin against me and I forgive him, up to seven times?’ Jesus said
to him, ‘I tell you, not seven times but seventy times seven!” - Matthew
18:21-22</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
I love you all!<br />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
God Bless</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
-Matthew<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>=)</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<u>Blog Playlist</u>:</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/Ctw33uKAjJI" target="_blank">Alex Clare – Too Close</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/Q8mbpkC-YR0" target="_blank">tobyMac – Lose Myself (Capital Kings Remix)</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/wDnfCuakV64" target="_blank">He is We – Happily Ever After</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/VSJw26Jq430" target="_blank">He is We – Prove You Wrong</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/0kS8RTRi7HA" target="_blank">Mumford & Sons – I Will Wait</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/3qFkMQsEnA4" target="_blank">Darius Rucker – True Believers</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/Ph-YkZkR5gU" target="_blank">Owl City – Speed of Love</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=0J91ECNU" target="_blank">tobyMac – Eye On It</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/PEbJ4qLiMu0" target="_blank">DJ Fresh – Gold Dust (Flux Pavilion Remix)</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/kuijhOvKyYg" target="_blank">Imagine Dragons – Every Night</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/E-LGignt-Ko" target="_blank">tobyMac – Forgiveness (feat. Lecrae)</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/DnjBXFVd0Uo" target="_blank">Ellie Goulding – Anything Could Happen</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/pm-cHz6SIec" target="_blank">Imagine Dragons – Round and Round</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/Z5qcsItlXsQ" target="_blank">Tedashii – You Know What It Is (feat. KB, PK)</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/zvCBSSwgtg4" target="_blank">The Lumineers – Ho Hey</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/_mPd_SDAryQ" target="_blank">Lupe Fiasco & Guy Sebastian – Battle Scars</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/aIXyKmElvv8" target="_blank">Fugees – Ready or Not</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/eniTDuzmb9U" target="_blank">Fred Astaire – I Won’t Dance</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/Sy7OfHmPzII" target="_blank">Lecrae – I Know</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/du39rEbMAbA" target="_blank">Owl City – I’m Coming After You</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/AhCfxBULO4w" target="_blank">Ellie Goulding – Hanging On (Sound Remedy Remix)</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/oKA1ezlGKHs" target="_blank">SafetySuit – Let Go</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/hwD-U_WwOg0" target="_blank">Lecrae ft. Suzy Rock – No Regrets</a><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><----CANNOT GET ENOUGH OF THIS JAM!</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/83R-XQhDUWg" target="_blank">Jason Gray – Good to Be Alive</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/g8PrTzLaLHc" target="_blank">Imagine Dragons – On Top of the World</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/wtSKzHxVqxQ" target="_blank">Calling Glory – Don’t Give Up</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/E8B-AsmJTaE" target="_blank">Jeremy Camp – Understand</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/7rK6O0YtBRY" target="_blank">tobyMac – Speak Life</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/xNhYMyybw2w" target="_blank">Chris August ft. Manwell – Center of It (Remix)</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/u5-Cqpa09zM" target="_blank">tobyMac – Unstoppable (feat. Blanca from Group 1 Crew)</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/x0liNLHmvKY" target="_blank">Lee Brice – Hard to Love</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/4x7fNTStKhw" target="_blank">Lecrae – Buttons</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/eIhAgPL3DnM" target="_blank">Group 1 Crew – Lean On Me</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/RB1NJV3rG6k" target="_blank">Matt Redman – You Never Let Go</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=WLPKY7NX" target="_blank">Matthew West – Forgiveness</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/csIHBmIijlQ" target="_blank">Hillsong United - Came To My Rescue</a> </div>
Matthewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14266691203419135858noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1090459496212326263.post-88371369692921639172012-09-08T22:10:00.000-04:002014-02-08T13:24:17.649-05:00My Faith JourneyMy friend Erin asked me this about a month ago: “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I was wondering if you wouldn't mind sharing
a little more of your faith journey. You seem to have a very strong
relationship with God and I'm curious about how that came about</i>” and I
thought to myself that it would be a good thing for me to write about in my
blog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fair warning, I am a very open guy
(probably too much for my own good at times) so this is going to get pretty
personal; but I hope instead of judging me, you realize that just because I am
a Christian, it doesn’t make me “divine”, but rather I hope it shows you my
acknowledgement of being a sinner and that I need the constant salvation of
Jesus to break the chains of sin that “hold me down” in this world and that I
need His help and guidance through His Word to become the person I want to be;
the person I was born to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Through my
memory I will do the best I can to illustrate how my faith came to be; so here
goes!<br />
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<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
My earliest memory of me experiencing God and
Christianity was when I was around 8 years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I remember my mother had been going to church without me when I would be
with my Dad every other weekend and eventually she brought me with her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember not wanting to go; having to wake
up early and my mom taking me away from my precious cartoon watching time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Believe it or not, I was quite shy for a lot
of my childhood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t want to go to
Sunday school and preferred to stay with my mother in the normal “adult”
service.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My mother did make me go to
Sunday school sometimes but I was just too shy to really want to hang out with
the other kids; I was definitely a momma’s boy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I feel like a lot boys who grow up with single mothers end up having a
really close relationship with their mother and for me, I just didn’t want to
leave her side a lot as a young kid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
don’t really remember too much from those early days, but my mother tells me
that there were times that I would sing and dance during worship and sometimes
she would just look down at me and see my face being lit up!<br />
<br />
Much to my mother’s dismay, I rarely paid attention to the pastor’s
sermons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even as I got older I just
never was too interested in what they were saying; either that or thanks to my
ADD I just couldn’t stay focused on the sermon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I would get bored and end up doodling or something to help me pass the
time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It makes a lot of sense actually;
to this day, I really don’t enjoy long lectures unless I am really into the
subject (which these days in church, I certainly am), but I am a kinesthetic learner,
which means that I learn by doing things; hands on, otherwise I tend to lose
interest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do remember though around
the time of me being in fifth grade, so 11-12 years old I would read a lot of the
book of Revelations during sermons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now
I know that might seem kind of strange seeing as Revelations is somewhat of a
dark book as it talks about the end of the world and Jesus’s return.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think I simply just found it really
interesting at the time; like a really crazy fantasy novel and it therefore
held onto my short attention span lol.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
I remember into my preteen and early teen years finally
starting to go to groups and services that were designed for my age group.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember it being fun and I enjoyed the
singing and even started to pay attention more to the sermons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was a part of me that was just
beginning to understand who Jesus was and what He did for me when He died on
the cross.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, I was also being
pulled in the other direction; our culture I think playing a large part in that
as it tends to be really focused on outward beauty, sex, alcohol and the
like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was introduced to pornography at
a fairly young age and became addicted pretty quickly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember being obsessed with video games
and I started to get chubby.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In school,
I was still a shy kid until towards the end of eighth grade, except for a few friends
I had made in the neighborhood I lived in; and as I was teased a lot for being
fat or assumed to be gay in most of middle school, I believe I started to get
somewhat depressed and it lead me to turn to pornography and video games even
more for “love” and “acceptance”; as those things wouldn’t tease me and they
made me feel “good”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was like I was
being torn between good and evil, and evil was winning many of the
battles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thanks to God’s grace, I am not
really hard on myself for who I was, mainly because of the forgiveness God
constantly grants me through the repentance of my sins in His Son’s holy name;
but I believe I was just too immature being that young; immature in myself and
in my faith to really understand how to live a righteous life. I just was not
passionate about my faith.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Church was
more like something I went to and learned about Jesus because my mother told me
to go and brought me; I pretty much didn’t have a choice in the matter, which
in many ways I think is good because I was being taught great things, I just
wasn’t absorbing hardly any of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
even remember going to the grocery store with my mother after church and
sometimes stealing Xbox demo discs from the Xbox magazine in the store; clearly
I wasn’t learning much, mostly because of my own ignorance and immaturity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
There was a big season in my life that really shook
things up for me that had me dive into those evils even more; which spanned
from the summer before my freshman year of high school into the summer after my
freshman year of high school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My dad
moved to Maine and my mother got remarried. (Mom and Dad, I LOVE YOU BOTH SO
MUCH, and in no way am I upset at either of you for the choices you both have
made in your lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are your lives
and you control them); and to clarify these weren’t “bad” choices by my
parents, just ones that greatly affected me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Let’s rewind for a moment to try and have why both of those things
impacted me so hugely make sense.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
parents split up when I was 2 years old so I have no memory of my parents being
together and never grew up in a normal two parent household.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The interesting thing about the situation
though is that both of my parents grew up outside of Washington DC, my mother
growing up mostly in Maryland and my father growing up mostly in northern
Virginia.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was born in Oklahoma at a
military base as my mother and father met in the Air Force.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After the separation they both moved back to
where their families were and by the time their divorce was finalized when I
was 5 years old; I had become accustomed to the custody agreement which was me
seeing my dad every other weekend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From
my earliest memory, I lived with my mother and I would only see my father every
other weekend unless there was a special trip planned or if there was a
holiday, which my parents normally spilt those up equally; for example, I would
spend every Christmas Eve with my dad and that side of my family in VA and then
spend Christmas Day with my mom and that side of my family in MD.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The point of all of this being is that I had
just become so accustomed to my dad always being around and in my life, even if
it was not every day like most families so when he moved to Maine, it took a
big toll on me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All of sudden there were
no “Boys Nights Out” every other Friday night anymore and the fun weekends we
would spend together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember the day
he left pretty clearly; my mother was dropping me off at the local YMCA because
I was a summer camp counselor that year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As we pulled up I noticed my dad’s car in the parking lot FULL of
stuff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He came out and walked over to
the car and said he was on his way up to Maine and wanted to say goodbye as he
held back tears.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My mother even started
to choke up a bit (which amazed me because most of my memories of my parents
interacting had been fighting); I remember my Dad saying to my mother something
along the lines of, “I bet you’re happy I won’t be around now”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I gave my Dad a hug which he returned with a
bigger hug than normal, told me how much he loved me and then he left.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The moment seemed to go by fast and my memory
probably fails me on the exact details but that is how I remember it for the
most part; I think I was too excited about my day at the summer camp.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My dad had briefly mentioned to me that
things might be changing soon and that he might move to Maine, but I guess I
never thought it would happen or even took the time to think about what that
truly meant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t until a few days
later and the weekend came that I was supposed to be with my Dad, did it really
hit me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All of sudden my routine of seeing
him ended and my world exhibited a huge crack in its foundation. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember being in the basement and I just
started to bawl my eyes out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My mother
was doing laundry and asked me what was wrong; and I said “my Dad is gone”
…even as I reminisce about it now, I can still feel what it felt like; the
tears currently in my eyes as I write the words; showing how hard that was to
endure for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He didn’t die, but it
almost felt as such.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was no longer in
the routine of my life and it stung; it was strange and so foreign.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My normal was now abnormal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you tack on going through puberty and the
"fun and crazy" emotions that come with that, starting high school and doing so
in a Christian school for the first time, it was a lot to take on as I started
ninth grade.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This year was my
“rebellion” year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For the first time my
grades were not A’s and B’s, I started to fight/argue with my mother which
hadn’t really happened before; or at least not at the level that it was
occurring at then, I would sleep during classes and I just stopped caring about a
lot of things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being in the Christian
school didn’t really do anything for my faith either; I just wasn’t “into it”
at all so to speak.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For some reason it
just wasn’t impacting me yet, and maybe it’s because I didn’t care about it or
it didn’t seem like something valuable to me; yet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fast forward through the year and we get to
my mother getting remarried.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was not
excited about it at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Growing up it
had always been mostly just me and my mom; I was the man of our house and I was/am
very protective of her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She knew this
guy from the past and they had reconnected but he lived in Florida and I had
only met him myself less than a handful of times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When she told me she was going to marry him,
I was pretty shocked but I don’t think I let it really hit me because I was too
busy being 15 and being “angry at the world”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The next big shocker was that my mother was moving us to Florida because
it was cheaper to live there and then she could be the mother she had always
wanted to be; a stay at home one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This
shocked my system because I was being taken away from the area I grew up in, my
friends, and my family who all lived in the same area for much of my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember after getting to Florida, just
feeling really unsettled about living there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The church we went to down there was actually pretty cool and really
relaxed but I just couldn’t shake that living in Florida was not where I should
be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t explain it even to this day,
but everything happens for a reason and I know it was all a part of God’s
plan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I started to get this idea that I
wanted to “give my dad a chance” and live with him in Maine for the first time
in my life and after begging my mother to go, after a month in Florida I was on
my way to Maine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was one of the
hardest decisions I had to make especially because I knew that it was one that
killed my mother to let happen; and to this day I think still bothers her a
little.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt so awful watching my
mother cry in the airport as she told me to give her my ticket because it felt
wrong for me to leave and she was going to rip it up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had to hide from my own mother in the
Jacksonville airport on my way to Portland.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I would never wish that feeling on anyone; another one that brings up
tears again…<br />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Now my father is someone that, until recently, never
expressed to me that he believed in God or even had any faith.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He didn’t attend church every Sunday and thus
neither did I anymore; whatever faith I had was now on hiatus and “on hold” for
the next 8 years of my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I moved to
Maine in August of 2003 and it wasn’t until May of 2011 that my faith started
to become “unfrozen” and awaken from its deep DEEP slumber.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>During this eight year time span (which
wasn’t as bad as the picture I am painting, but I am focusing on the bad for
the purpose of showing how badly I needed God in my life), I continued to fall
deeper into the many misconceptions of love and happiness in this world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I turned to sex, drugs, alcohol, and pornography
among others which lead to one bad/unhealthy relationship to the next and at its
worst (without diving too far into my personal life) minor bouts of depression,
slight alcoholism, blackout nights in college, a bad pornography addiction, an
insatiable appetite for sex in order to feel loved, and an overnight stay in a
hospital which included a psych evaluation; which I passed with flying colors
lol, I am not mentally ill, I had just been extremely drunk one night which lead
to me saying things and doing things that isn’t truly me but did lead to me
being forced to have 8 weeks of counseling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I say all of this and am so open because I am not afraid to share how
bad things got with me on my fruitless quest for love, acceptance, and
happiness through the avenues that this world claims they can be found in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want people to know my story not so I can
have their pity but because I want my life to be an example and a great
testimony to how amazing God is and what coming to know Him has done for my
life!<br />
<br />
Okay, so now we are up to May of 2011.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As some of you have read in my first blog post, I met a really special
woman; my current ex-girlfriend and someone who a part of me will always love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I do not want to talk about my relationship
with her anymore to respect her wishes and also because that stuff I realize
should be private; but I do need to get into it some because she played a <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">HUGE</b> role in my life; specifically to
my faith and how I got to where I am today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We will call my ex-girlfriend <span style="color: #cccccc;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Silver”</i></span><span style="color: #bfbfbf; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #BFBFBF; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: background1; mso-themecolor: background1; mso-themeshade: 191;"> </span>in this
blog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Without getting too much into
things between Silver and I, we were both not in the greatest of places when we
met; we were both desperate for love and “<s>ready</s>” for it; but we both
fell in love with broken and damaged hearts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We fought for our relationship many times and even broke up twice throughout
the 9 months that we dated, but I think a lot of the time, we didn’t really
understand why we were together other than the love we had for one another and
us wanting a deep intimate and personal relationship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Little did we know at the time, but our
relationship was part of a much grander plan than we could see at the
time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Silver and I shared pretty much
everything to each other and it became really clear to us the more and more
that we did share with each other, of how badly we needed a greater love to
heal us; we couldn’t “fix” each other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It lead to Silver’s faith growing and being “re-found” and it lead to
mine truly being found for the first time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I can remember the night very clear when I just surrendered to God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was tired of hurting Silver and not being
the boyfriend I knew I could be, and should be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I knew I was better and greater than I was exhibiting and through
Silver, I realized how badly I needed and wanted God in my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Granted my motifs were solely based off of my
love for Silver, to be a better man for her and a better person in general; but
it was done out of love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To truly Love
is to know God and I believe in most any circumstance if you are doing
something out of love in a pure, honest, righteous and <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Corinthians%2013:4-7&version=NLT" target="_blank">Godly way</a>; you are exhibiting part of God’s character; the
most important in my opinion.</div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“God is love, and all who live in Love live in God, and
God lives in them.” – 1 John 4:16b</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“<span class="text">Three things will last forever; faith,
hope, and love; and the greatest of these is Love.” – 1 Corinthians 13:13</span></b></span></div>
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It was a night towards the end of October in 2011; I was
listening to a song by Jars of Clay titled Worlds Apart (the first song in the
playlist below of songs that I am listening to as I write this blog post) after
getting into a fight with Silver on Skype, as she was living in England for
four and half months of our relationship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As I listen to the song again now, I can remember exactly how it hit me
that night; because I can feel the same things again right now… here are the
lyrics to the song that moved me to my knees.</div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“I am the only one
to blame for this<br />
Somehow it all ends up the same<br />
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride<br />
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide<br />
With a world I try so hard to leave behind<br />
To rid myself of all but love<br />
to give and die<br />
<br />
To turn away and not become<br />
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves<br />
more deeply than the oceans,<br />
more abundant than the tears<br />
Of a world embracing every heartache<br />
<br />
Can I be the one to sacrifice<br />
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow<br />
<br />
To love you - take my world apart</i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">To need you - I am
on my knees<br />
To love you - take my world apart<br />
To need you - broken on my knees<br />
<br />
All said and done I stand alone<br />
Amongst remains of a life I should not own<br />
It takes all I am to believe<br />
In the mercy that covers me<br />
<br />
Did you really have to die for me?<br />
All I am for all you are<br />
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart<br />
<br />
I look beyond the empty cross<br />
forgetting what my life has cost<br />
and wipe away the crimson stains<br />
and dull the nails that still remain<br />
More and more I need you now,<br />
I owe you more each passing hour<br />
the battle between grace and pride<br />
I gave up not so long ago<br />
So steal my heart and take the pain<br />
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride<br />
take the selfish, take the weak,<br />
and all the things I cannot hide<br />
take the beauty, take my tears<br />
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours<br />
take my world all apart<br />
take it now, take it now<br />
and serve the ones that I despise<br />
speak the words I can't deny<br />
watch the world I used to love<br />
fall to dust and thrown away<br />
I look beyond the empty cross<br />
forgetting what my life has cost<br />
so wipe away the crimson stains<br />
and dull the nails that still remain<br />
so steal my heart and take the pain<br />
take the selfish, take the weak<br />
and all the things I cannot hide<br />
take the beauty, take my tears<br />
take my world apart, take my world apart<br />
I pray, I pray, I pray<br />
take my world apart”</i></div>
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I was done; I was done trying to live my life without
Him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was done hurting her and
myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I broke down in tears and cried,
but cried like until this night in my life, I had never cried before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I literally fell to my knees begging God to
forgive me, repeating over and over that I wanted Him in my life and that I
needed Him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That I could/would no longer
live my life without Him in it as the Jars of Clay song played on repeat for
about an hour.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I cried so hard; there
has only been one other time in my life that I cried as hard as I did that
night which didn’t happen in my life until roughly 5 months later.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was saturating the floor and my shirt; the
tears just kept flowing and flowing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
was like I was releasing 23 years of built up pain as I surrendered my heart to
my Lord and Savior.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Snot was coming out
of my nose and I eventually even just curled up into a ball on the floor as I
cried and reached out for God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was an
intense and amazing experience.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I remember feeling so good about it and so excited to
tell Silver about the experience the next day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A part of me hoped it would not only be a turning point in my life but
also in our relationship; which at first it did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But like I mentioned before, there was too
much that needed to be healed and fixed in us than we could do for each other
and I was so new in my faith; on fire for it as I am today, but very spiritually
immature.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would say there are parts of
me that still are today, but not like I was then.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, I do feel like God has placed me on the
“fast track” in my faith and I feel like I have learned and grown a lot in it
through the many trials I have faced since that night in October.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did notice though, that at first I started
to act “holier than thou” and judgmental; <u>WRONG!</u><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thankfully God has humbled me greatly in
those areas and has shown me that who I am called to be is not someone who
judges others (and for the record I judge NONE of you reading this, whether you
share in my beliefs or not); that judgment is God’s and God’s alone and the main
purpose of my life is to love God and love others as God loves us and to be an
example of who He is to the best of my abilities as an imperfect person.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not
condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you
will be forgiven.” – Luke 6:37</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“<span class="text">God alone, who gave the law, is the
Judge. He alone has the power to save or to destroy. So what right do you have
to judge your neighbor?” – James 4:12</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: #444444;"><b><span class="text">“Do not judge others, and you will not
be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use
in judging is the standard by which you will be judged.” – Matthew 7:1-2</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><span class="text">“Work at living in peace with everyone,
and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the
Lord. Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of
God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you,
corrupting many.” – Hebrews 12:14-15</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><span class="text">“Don’t just pretend to love others. Really
love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Love each other with genuine affection, and
take delight in honoring each other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Never
be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in
trouble, and keep on praying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When God’s
people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice
hospitality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bless those who persecute
you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with
those who weep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Live in harmony with
each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And
don’t think you know it all!” – Romans 12:9-16</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><span class="text">“Teacher, which is the most important commandment
in the Law of Moses?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jesus replied, ‘You
must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your
mind.’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is the first and greatest commandment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A second is equally important: ‘Love your
neighbor as yourself.’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The entire law
and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.” - Matthew
22:36-40</span></b></span></div>
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<span class="text">As Silver and I’s relationship continued
to fall through the cracks of the broken foundation it was built on; something
still so beautiful and wonderful that only God could design was happening at
the same time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was falling in love
with God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>More and more I wanted to know
Him, more and more I began to seek Him and pursue Him in my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even after I moved to be with Silver after
she came home from England and we broke up for the last time 3 weeks later and
as I stayed there hoping her and I could use our renewed faiths to fill the
holes in our hearts, God was working through the pain; just not as I had hoped
for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Silver and I did not work out but
God has blessed me enormously through my relationship with her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It forced me to take a deep hard look at who
I was, who I am, and who I want to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>To see things I couldn’t before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He blessed me with meeting two amazing people in Maine at a Christian
Marriage Conference I went to last November to try and learn how to have a better
relationship with Silver and more importantly on how to have a relationship
centered upon God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He blessed me with so
many amazing people during my stay in Connecticut; including at least one
lifelong friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="text">Even with me being diagnosed with
cancer; my faith has grown and God has blessed me in it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel God’s love for me in every new
friendship I have made and it has given me an even greater
appreciation for the friends I already had; whether they
are Christians or not, because I can feel God in them, even if they don’t even
know it themselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am just so
thankful to God for all He has done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Even through the fear of this disease, I can feel God’s power overcoming
that fear and instilling in me the hope that this season is only temporary and
I will be stronger and better than ever after!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I am growing so much as a person and spiritually throughout this time
and God has blessed me with some great people here in Maryland and many others
spread not only throughout the country but even across the Atlantic.</span></div>
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<span class="text">I wish I could truly explain the joy in
my heart that God has brought me; but I honestly can’t because it’s a feeling
that really just has to be felt to be understood; no words give it proper
justice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am falling more and more in
love with our Creator and less and less with “creation”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God has helped me overcome many of the things
I used to struggle with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I haven’t
looked at pornography in over 10 months, I have made a commitment to myself and
Him to be abstinent until I get married, I haven’t gotten drunk in over 9
months now and I have a new found understanding of what true love is; His love.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><span class="text">“Love is patient, love is kind. It does
not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it
is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love
does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects,
always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7</span></b></span></div>
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<span class="text">I realize that I use that verse a lot;
the reason being that it is one of the most important verses in the Bible and
one that I know I will need healthy reminders of throughout my life; seeing as
I want to love as God loves us!</span></div>
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<span class="text">I also realize that many of you might be offended by my choice to not get drunk anymore; and for me, I just realized that too often I became someone I didn't enjoy being. Once I beat this cancer; I may have a beer now and then or a glass of wine; but I am vowing to myself to never get drunk again; it just caused more problems than it was worth and I don't want or need any "false temporary solutions or highs" in my life.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><span class="text">"So be careful how you live. Don't live like fools but like those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. Don't act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. Don't be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts. And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." - Ephesians 5:15-20</span></b></span></div>
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<span class="text">I can honestly say that I feel a greater "high" from praising and worshiping the Lord than I ever had getting drunk; and better yet, it's free and you don't have a hangover the next day! =)</span></div>
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<span class="text">I am just completely on fire for Christ and
wanting to share this feeling with all of those I encounter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Will I be able to do it perfectly, no; but
that doesn’t mean I should stop trying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I find hope and inspiration in many things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of them being in other Christians; such
as Ashley Paige and Jefferson Bethke who made these videos below.</span></div>
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<span class="text"><u>DEAR POP CULTURE</u> </span></div>
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<u><span class="text">COUNTERFEIT GOD'S</span></u></div>
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<u><b><span class="text">And also through my family and the many
friends who I am so blessed to have in my life!!!!!</span></b></u></div>
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<span class="text">So here I am today, the same Matthew
Nelson in some ways, but also a completely new Matthew Nelson in many others.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><span class="text">“This means that anyone who belongs to
Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” - 2
Corinthians 5:17</span></b></span></div>
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<span class="text">I thank God for it all, I thank God for
the hardships I have experienced in these past 15 months and even the one’s
further in the past because they have brought me to where I am today; I also
thank Him for any future trials because they have all been and will all be for
my good and ultimately have given Him and by His mercy and grace will continue
to bring Him glory!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>HALLELUJAH!</span></div>
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<b><br /></b></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><span class="text">“Dear brothers and sisters, when
troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For you know that when your faith is tested,
your endurance has a chance to grow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So
let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect
and complete, needing nothing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you
need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke
you for asking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But when you ask him, be
sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided
loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the
wind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Such people should not expect to
receive anything from the Lord.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Their
loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in
everything they do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Believers who are
poor have something to boast about, for God has honored them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And those who are rich should boast that God
has humbled them. They will fade away like a little flower in the field.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The hot sun rises and the grass withers; the
little flower droops and falls, and its beauty fades away. In the same way, the
rich will fade away with all of their achievements.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God blesses those who patiently endure
testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God
has promised to those who love him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
remember, when you are being tempted, do not say, “God is tempting me.” God is
never tempted to do wrong, and he never tempts anyone else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Temptation comes from our own desires, which
entice us and drag us away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These
desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives
birth to death.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So don’t be misled, my
dear brothers and sisters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whatever is
good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the
lights in the heavens.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He never changes
or casts a shifting shadow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He chose to
give birth to us by giving us his true word. And we, out of all creation, became
his prized possession.” – James 1:2-18</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: #444444;"><b><span class="text">“And we know that God causes everything
to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to
His purpose for them.” – Romans 8:28</span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span class="text">Ya’ll gotta realize this; God is Always
Good!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even if you can’t tell right away,
continue to trust Him, continue to praise Him, and continue to love Him; He
never stops loving you!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span class="text">I am so excited for this new life I am
beginning to live and I just want to spread His love to as many people as I
can!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span class="text">I challenge you all this week to seek
God in some way, in any way; whether it be attending church, loving someone you
haven’t in a while, watching a Christian film, or reading the Bible etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You really have nothing to lose; except for
your old self but I promise you, the new you is still you and awesome, just
even better with God in your lives and hearts and minds!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Take a leap of faith; I PROMISE you that it
won’t kill you; but in fact actually give you <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>L I F E!</u></b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span class="text">I love you all</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span class="text">God Bless,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span class="text">-Matthew<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>=)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<u>Blog Playlist:</u></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/NFj17GYJEj0" target="_blank">Jars of Clay – Worlds Apart</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=919J2JNU" target="_blank">Bebo Norman – Here Goes</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/pkM-gDcmJeM" target="_blank">Casting Crowns – Courageous</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/i6UAGhJHmOw" target="_blank">The Afters – Lift Me Up</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=F1J1MCNU" target="_blank">Kari Jobe – We Are</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=7YPZGWNX" target="_blank">Jason Gray – Remind Me Who I Am</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=912C1FNU" target="_blank">Aaron Shust – My Hope Is In You</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/TbviTN7MKY8" target="_blank">Jeremy Camp – Here I Am To Worship</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/OX2uM0L3Y1A" target="_blank">Heather Williams – Hallelujah</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/1ohvhmGSfxI" target="_blank">Chris Tomlin – I Will Follow</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/VdAKabU3nOM" target="_blank">Brandon Heath – The Light In Me</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=FMM2C1NU" target="_blank">Kari Jobe – Here</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/smoQkJF26C0" target="_blank">Ashes Remain – Change My Life</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/314RIKWeVzo" target="_blank">Group 1 Crew – Need Your Love</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/Ive-zxmqk3Q" target="_blank">Audrey Assad – Lament</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/932s7PFdY-M" target="_blank">Flame & Chris Lee – The 6th Day</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=KP7PPPNX" target="_blank">Christy Nockels – Ever Lifting</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=7G77WWNX" target="_blank">Hillsong Chapel – Stronger</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=FBMCEJNU" target="_blank">Jeremy Camp – The Way</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/1o43kJjmXh8" target="_blank">Hillsong United – Like an Avalanche</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=912BMCNU" target="_blank">Matthew West – My Own Little World</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=J9EBFMNU" target="_blank">Addison Road – Hope Now</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=WL67KGNX" target="_blank">Rhett Walker Band – When Mercy Found Me</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/Xl_P_pQ4MGU" target="_blank">tobyMac – Me Without You (Capital Kings Remix)</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/WPm_dbg1_Zs" target="_blank">Luminate – Banner of Love</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/Emj6O__05N4" target="_blank">Mark Schultz – All Things Possible</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/TItyYhfwClM" target="_blank">Passion – One Thing Remains</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/N-lTXVA5o4Y" target="_blank">Lecrae – Tell the World</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/_cNyGM7SsrQ" target="_blank">Lecrae ft. Tenth Avenue North – Higher</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/2tMKO_9SD1Y" target="_blank">OneRepublic – Feel Again</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/Ac80JEvwjEw" target="_blank">Tedashii – I’m a Believer</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/o_6JQDsbtlM" target="_blank">The City Harmonic - Manifesto</a><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
Matthewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14266691203419135858noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1090459496212326263.post-37904571852257904372012-09-02T20:43:00.003-04:002014-02-08T13:25:41.434-05:00Closer To Love<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/EMRXXBGotnw?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<br />
<br />
"<i>She got the call today<br />
One out of the gray<br />
And when the smoke cleared<br />
It took her breath away<br />
She said she didn't believe<br />
It could happen to me<br />
I guess we're all one phone call from our knees<br />
We're gonna get there soon<br /><br />
If every building falls</i>
<i><br />
And all the stars fade<br />
We'll still be singin' this song<br />
The one they can't take away<br />
I'm gonna get there soon,<br />
She's gonna be there too<br />
Cryin' in her room<br />
Prayin' Lord, come through<br />
We're gonna get there soon<br /><br />
Oh it's your light,</i>
<i><br />
Oh it's your way,<br />
Pull me out of the dark<br />
Just to show me the way<br />
Cryin' out now<br />
From so far away...<br />
You pull me closer to love<br />
Closer to love<br /><br />
Meet me once again</i>
<i><br />
Down off Lake Michigan<br />
Where we could feel the storm blowin' down with the wind<br />
And don't apologize<br />
For all the tears you've cried<br />
You've been way too strong now for all your life<br />
I'm gonna get there soon,<br />
You're gonna be there too<br />
Cryin' in your room,<br />
Prayin' Lord come through<br />
We're gonna get there soon<br /><br />
Oh, it's your light</i>
<i><br />
Oh, it's your way<br />
Pull me out of the dark<br />
Just to show me the way<br />
Cryin' out now<br />
From so far away...<br />
Pull me closer to love<br />
Closer to love<br /><br />
'Cause you are all that I've waited for</i>
<i><br />
All of my life (We're gonna get there)<br />
You are all that I've waited for<br />
All of my life<br />
You pull me closer to love<br />
Closer to love<br />
Pull me closer to love<br />
Pull me closer to love<br />
Closer to love, oh no<br />
Closer to love<br />
Closer to love<br />
Pull me closer to love</i>"<br />
<br />
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<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: #444444;"><b>"<span class="text">Dear friends, let us continue to
love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God
and knows God.</span> <span id="en-NLT-30572"><span class="text">But anyone who
does not love does not know God, for God is love.</span></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: #444444;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: #444444;"><b><span id="en-NLT-30573"><span class="text">God showed how
much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we
might have eternal life through him.</span></span> <span id="en-NLT-30574"><span class="text">This is real love; not that we loved God, but that he loved us and
sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.</span><span id="en-NLT-30575">
Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other.</span></span>
<span id="en-NLT-30576"><span class="text">No one has ever seen God. But if we love
each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us.</span><span id="en-NLT-30577"> And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in
him and he in us.</span></span> <span id="en-NLT-30578"><span class="text">Furthermore,
we have seen with our own eyes and now testify that the Father sent his Son to
be the Savior of the world.</span></span> <span id="en-NLT-30579"><span class="text">All who confess that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in
them, and they live in God.</span></span> <span id="en-NLT-30580"><span class="text">We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love.</span></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: #444444;"><b><span class="text">God is love, and all who live in love
live in God, and God lives in them.</span> <span id="en-NLT-30581"><span class="text">And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not
be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we
live like Jesus here in this world.</span><span id="en-NLT-30582"> Such
love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is
for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his
perfect love.</span></span> <span id="en-NLT-30583"><span class="text">We love each
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<b><span id="en-NLT-30583"><span class="text">"</span></span><span id="en-NLT-30583"><span class="text"><i>Omnia Vincit Amor; et nos cedamus amori" - Virgil, (Italian Poet)</i> <i> </i></span></span></b></div>
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<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span id="en-NLT-30583"><span class="text"><b>^Translation:<i> "Love Conquers All; let us too surrender to Love"</i></b></span></span><br />
<span id="en-NLT-30583"><span class="text"><b><i> </i></b> </span></span></div>
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</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“If I could speak all the languages of earth and of
angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging
cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret
plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move
mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I
have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I
didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b>Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful
or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it
keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but
rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith,
is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b>Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special
knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! Now our knowledge is
partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the
whole picture! But when the time of perfection comes, these partial things will
become useless.</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b>When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a
child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things
imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything
with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I
will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b>Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and
the greatest of these is <u>love</u>.” – 1 Corinthians 13</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: white;"><br /></span></div>
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^The above is my favorite chapter in the whole bible.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<span class="userContent">Love is not a noun; LOVE IS A VERB!!!<br /> <br />
So today, go out there and show Love starting with your thoughts, then
in your words, and most importantly through your actions! <br /> <br /> Be Love, show Love, and give Love... It's the most important action you can do! ♥</span> </div>
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<br /></div>
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For me, I know that I will always try to be <i>CLOSER TO LOVE</i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><i> </i></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjneHE9OYQWuRtWMCr5Ou5AKASdZ_7-G8EMv065kR6QPtB8NCWQu7ROAOYfHBKmwYp6fsPVUAEufsIh8zrVlkUpRCyC3QyO6-xtmLvZImnVOyAMxapuSw_GxnkEJZTIXgCOBnJZ2kGslCU/s1600/IMG_2255.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjneHE9OYQWuRtWMCr5Ou5AKASdZ_7-G8EMv065kR6QPtB8NCWQu7ROAOYfHBKmwYp6fsPVUAEufsIh8zrVlkUpRCyC3QyO6-xtmLvZImnVOyAMxapuSw_GxnkEJZTIXgCOBnJZ2kGslCU/s400/IMG_2255.JPG" height="330" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: black;"><i> </i> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
I challenge you all this week to love one another; even if it's the "hardest thing to do"; love the "unlovable" and love each other! Just L O V E, each and everyday of your life!</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
God Bless You All</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Love,</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
-Matthew =)<i> </i> </div>
<br />
<br />
<b><u><span class="text 1John-4-19" id="en-NLT-30583">Blog Song's:</span></u></b><br />
<a href="http://youtu.be/ZXL08IoNKiE" target="_blank"><span class="text 1John-4-19" id="en-NLT-30583">The Beatles - All We Need Is Love</span></a><br />
<a href="http://youtu.be/qdn4TKNxO3w" target="_blank"><span class="text 1John-4-19" id="en-NLT-30583">Addison Road - Always Love</span></a><br />
<a href="http://youtu.be/EMRXXBGotnw" target="_blank"><span class="text 1John-4-19" id="en-NLT-30583">Mat Kearney - Closer to Love</span></a><br />
<span class="text 1John-4-19" id="en-NLT-30583"><a href="http://youtu.be/ki1RrteRP5o" target="_blank">NEEDTOBREATHE - Let Us Love</a> </span><br />
<span class="text 1John-4-19" id="en-NLT-30583"><a href="http://youtu.be/ZYNOXRifXKQ" target="_blank">Martina McBride - I'm Gonna Love You Through It</a></span><br />
<span class="text 1John-4-19" id="en-NLT-30583"><a href="http://youtu.be/KutWuAggUzQ" target="_blank">The Who - Love Reign O'er Me </a></span><br />
<span class="text 1John-4-19" id="en-NLT-30583"><a href="http://youtu.be/NKiv8mY9Oo4" target="_blank">Calling Glory - Teach Me To Love</a></span>
Matthewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14266691203419135858noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1090459496212326263.post-84306303479161181162012-08-11T21:51:00.001-04:002014-02-08T13:23:21.241-05:00Cancer/Life update (57 days into chemo)I haven’t written a cancer/life update in a while so I
thought I would fill you all in on how things have been for me lately.<br />
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<br /></div>
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I am currently in between my third and fourth chemo
sessions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had my third chemo session
on Monday July 30<sup>th</sup> and my fourth session will be on <strike>Friday
August 17<sup>th</sup></strike>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was just my
Mom and I for this one and I remember being pretty moody (sorry again
Momma!).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now that I had two sessions
under my belt; I knew pretty much what to expect and I have come to really
dread going to the hospital.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I really
dislike chemotherapy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just the thought
of it starts to make me feel a little sick; that and being in a huge cancer
treatment building is not easy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like I
have said before; it is really hard to see so many people going through what I
am going through; and in many cases doing worse than I am doing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is just heart wrenching.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s hard to be in pain myself let alone see
so many other lives in it as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
wish I could just make it all go away…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
I am learning that I can't, but rather what I can do is show people the love and hope I have found in Christ and allow His light to shine through me and hopefully
it will spread to everyone I encounter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
treatment went well; it goes smoothly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
got to the hospital around 9am and I think we left around 5pm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s all become routine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know the nurses and “technicians” that
normally work with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I try to "leave my mark" on them as they all get hugs from me when I am there (just one simple way I
like to “spread God's love”).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I get my
blood work done in the morning; have breakfast after in the cafeteria, and then
hangout until my nurse is ready for me to receive the chemo.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I take some pills before we start and then I
just lounge out in a reclining chair for the next 5-6 hours receiving the chemo.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Benadryl makes me quite sleepy so I tend
to sleep for a couple of those hours.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
would read or do other stuff but it’s hard to do with only one arm as my other
one has the IV in my forearm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My Mom had
bought some chocolate hazelnut <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=Pirouline&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a" target="_blank">Pirouline</a> sticks to give to people so I did that
at the end of my treatment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was
feeling alright on the drive back home but I quickly started to feel the chemo
again. I pretty much passed out once I got home after I ate dinner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It really hits me hard the night of now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
A really bright note though is that my blood
work & toxicity levels continue to look good and my doctor is very
pleased.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My white blood cells and my
neutrophils had even gone back up to low-mid normal levels!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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The next 5-7 days after chemo are the roughest, as I have come to
expect now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My body is really bombarded
each time I receive chemo so I am just out of energy a lot and at my weakest
then.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I take <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0000091/" target="_blank">Prednisone</a> those first 5
days of each chemo treatment which is a steroid and is part of my chemo
treatment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It makes me kind of moody and
emotional (more so than normal lol) and it also really messes up my sleeping
habits.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I haven’t had a good night’s
rest in months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am always up in the middle
of the night and have lots of trouble staying asleep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I notice a lot in these days that my kidneys
and liver tend to feel really hot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t
really know how else to explain it other than that my sides feel really warm/hot; but
I never have a fever or anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
best guess is that it is because my bodies’ purifiers are just running on
overdrive constantly; especially once I get more chemo.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s why I drink TONS of water and incorporate
liquids with electrolytes (homemade Gatorade) everyday so that I am constantly
flushing my body out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I notice it also
helps to rid me of the awful polluted feeling that I always get.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s just a strange feeling; hard to explain
except to say that you just feel really toxic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I can just tell my body has been “poisoned” and I just feel so
unbalanced and for lack of a better word; yucky!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These tend to be my worst days each
session.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Physically I have been
doing so much better than expected and definitely have not experienced the
worst of what could be happening; but my body is still quite weak most days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This isn’t too hard to deal with on its own;
where I REALLY struggle is in the emotional and mental department.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While having cancer and going through chemo
is physically demanding; your mind and emotions are what is really tested!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I really have to battle each and every day to
even just handle this difficult journey one day at a time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not easy at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have my bad days where I am just really sad
and get depressed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I get scared that the
chemo isn’t working and that I will have to go through more of this past
October.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I get anxious because I just want
to feel normal again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I dread the chemo
and there are days that I just want to “give up”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel overwhelmed by my isolation and loss
of independence and everything else that comes with having cancer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are days where it
all builds up and I literally just cry and pray.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For instance, I was having a rough day the
other day, called my Dad crying and talked to him as I “vented”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It helped to talk to him and it just reminds
me that God never meant for us to be alone in this life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
God is always there for me and is all I need;
but I think people take that too literally and don’t realize that God is not
just a deity up in heaven.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He lives in
all of us and is present everywhere.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
feel him in music, I feel him in rays of sunshine, I feel Him during a sunrise
and sunset, I feel Him on a hike and at the view of mountain top, I feel Him at the beach, and I certainly can feel His love coming from my family and
friends; if I take the time to "look" hard enough, I can almost see Him and feel Him everywhere.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
I honestly don’t think I could
do this without all your love and support; or at least it would be infinitely
harder!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I might sound like a “broken
record” at times but that’s because my current life is like a CD, playing on
repeat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have to deal with the same
things every 3 weeks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is no
escaping it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t just take a magic
pill to cure me or end all the pain and fear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I can’t take a drive or go for a bike ride to help release the stress
whenever I want to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t get away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am trapped… but what I try to do is just
bunker myself in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t change my
circumstances, but I can change how I allow them to affect me! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is what I am trying to do; to seek God
and find hope and strength through Him and through the trials.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><br />
<br />
My Dad recently ran the <a href="http://www.beach2beacon.org/" target="_blank">TDBank Beach to Beacon 10K</a> road race last
Saturday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was kind of a hard day for
me because I had run it the past 2 years in a row and had been looking forward
to doing it a 3<sup>rd</sup> consecutive year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>However, a friend of his took my Bib and they both ran in my honor wearing
t-shirts dedicated to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On the back it
said, “we cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is such a good quote describing my life right
now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t really control much in my
life right (which I believe God is trying to teach me
through) but what I can do is “adjust my sails” and try each and every day to
seek God and make the best out of my circumstances.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Easier said than done sometimes but not
impossible; for <u><b><i>ALL things are possible with God</i></b></u>!</div>
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The pastor at the church I attend down here had a great
message the other Sunday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was titled ‘wise
guys’ and was based out of Proverbs chapter 30 verses 24-28 with a few other
verses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His four main points were as
follows.</div>
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<br /></div>
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#1 The wise <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Prepare</i>
for what’s coming.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“Good planning and hard work lead to prosperity, but
hasty shortcuts lead to poverty.” – Proverbs 21:5</b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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#2 The wise acknowledge their <u>need</u> for help.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“<span class="text">The </span><span class="small-caps"><span style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span></span><span class="text"> mocks the
mockers</span> <span class="text">but is gracious to the humble.” –
Proverbs 3:34</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><span class="text">“The Lord has become my fortress, and my
God the rock in whom I take refuge.” – Psalm 94:22</span></b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span class="text">#3 The wise understand the <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">power</b> of <u>“us”</u>.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><span class="text">“</span>I also pray that you will
understand the incredible greatness of God's power for us who believe him. This
is the same mighty power” – Ephesians 1:19</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“By his divine power, God has given us everything we need
for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him,
the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and
excellence.” – 2 Peter 1:3</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we
ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes
it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.” – 2 Corinthians
4:7</b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
#4 The wise are <u>constantly persevering</u>.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for.
Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be
opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And
to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.” – Matthew 7:7-8</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just
the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. Therefore,
whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone, especially to
those in the family of faith.” – Galatians 6:9-10</b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
This sermon was great for me in many ways.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It reminded me to continue to seek God’s wisdom
in/for my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are also just great
ways to strive to live by.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes we
need to be <u>proactive</u> rather than just <i>reactive</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We need to be less prideful and more humble; not being afraid to seek
help when we need it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Asking for help
isn’t something to be “afraid” of.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
doesn’t mean you are weak; rather that you have enough courage to admit that
you could do something better with anothers help or advice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It makes me think of our lives; we are
capable of living really great lives if we simply seek God’s word on how to
live it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It reminded me of the power of
two and that there is power in numbers; the greatest power being when our
lives are aligned with God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ever heard
the phrase, “Two heads are better than one”; well it’s not just a smart thing
to say; it’s quite true and quite wise.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out
and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can
keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and
defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer.” - Ecclesiastes 4:9-12a</b></span><br />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
^a great verse for couples to be reminded of (I will be
writing a post about my thoughts on love and marriage sometime in the future;
just a heads up, this verse will be in there! =P)</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br />
Like I said before; we aren’t meant to live alone in this life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lastly and probably my favorite key point was
number four; that the wise are constantly persevering.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a very inspiring reminder for me with
all that I am going through right now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
will continue to fight!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even when it is
hard, I will keep pressing on; and pressing into God!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When times are hard is when it is most
important to seek God; because the trials of our lives don’t just happen; there
is always something that can be learned from them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also, no matter what, NEVER “become weary in
doing good, for at the proper time we shall reap a harvest as long as we <u>DO
NOT GIVE UP</u>…”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><------ SO
important to remember.</div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“So where does this leave the philosophers, the scholars,
and the world’s brilliant debaters? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God
has made the wisdom of this world look foolish.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Since God in His wisdom saw to it that the world would never know Him
through human wisdom, He has used our foolish preaching to save those who
believe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is foolish to the Jews, who
ask for signs from heaven. And it is foolish to the Greeks, who seek human
wisdom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So when we preach that Christ
was crucified, the Jews are offended and the Gentiles say its all
nonsense.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But to those called by God to
salvation, both Jews and Gentiles, Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of
God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This ‘foolish’ plan of God is wiser
than the wisest of human plans, and God’s weakness is stronger than the
greatest of human strength.” – 1 Corinthians 1:20-25</b></span></div>
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Basically that verse is reaffirming to us that we cannot
seek or trust in our own understand of things, but rather seek and trust in God’s
wisdom.</div>
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In my devotional <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Jesus
Calling</i>, the August 7<sup>th</sup> reading was a great reminder of how we
should trust in God’s wisdom and not our own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As a reminder it is written as if God was speaking to you; it reads:</div>
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“Understanding will never bring you Peace. That's why I
have instructed you to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">trust in Me, not
in your understanding</i>. Human beings have a voracious appetite for trying to
figure things out, in order to gain a sense of mastery over their lives. But
the world presents you with an endless series of problems. As soon as you
master one set, another pops up to challenge you. The relief you had
anticipated is short-lived. Soon your mind is gearing up again: searching for
understanding (mastery), instead of seeking Me (your Master).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The wisest of all men, Solomon, could never
think his way through to Peace. His vast understanding resulted in feelings of
futility, rather than in fulfillment. Finally, he lost his way and succumbed to
the will of his wives by worshiping idols.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My Peace is not an elusive goal, hidden at the center of some
complicated maze. Actually, you are always enveloped in Peace, which is
inherent in My Presence. As you look to Me, you gain awareness of this precious
Peace.”</div>
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<br /></div>
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Check out <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs%203:5-6&version=NLT" target="_blank">Proverbs 3:5-6</a>, <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans%205:1&version=NLT" target="_blank">Romans 5:1</a> and <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2%20Thessalonians%203:16&version=NLT" target="_blank">2 Thessalonians3:16</a> as they go along with the devotional for the day.<br />
<br />
To help me deal with the isolation and loneliness I sometimes feel, which does
happen even living with my grandparents; I first and foremost try and make it a
priority to pray a lot and do a Bible study every day with my Nanny &
Pop-pop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also try and see my cousin Melissa
once a week or so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have started to
volunteer at the church; which is rewarding all by
itself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have expressed to the pastor
that I want to get involved there and we are trying to put together a connection
group for 20-30 year olds that I will co-lead with his daughter and maybe the
music minister; pumped!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lately I have been
meeting with him as well as his wife which I talked about
before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s great to pick his brain and
just have some good Godly fellowship and his wife is AWESOME!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel like we are just two peas in a pod
sometimes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her friendship has been such
a blessing down here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I even went with
her to a workout class she teaches and actually got a pretty darn good workout.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My legs were sore for two days!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has been really great because I get to get
out of the house (so important being an extrovert), have some fun with people,
and I showed myself that I can still workout as long as I am careful and smart
when doing it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can only workout around
the last 5-8 days before my next chemo treatment, depending on how my body
feels.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those are the best days because I
have come to find it is when I feel the strongest during each chemo
session.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each session is roughly 21 days
apart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The first 7 days my body is
really beaten up and needs rest, the middle 7 days are when the chemo affect my
white blood cell levels the most and make me feel weak and lightheaded at times,
and the last 7 days are my ‘recovery’ days when my body has started to replace
the killed white blood cells. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Listening
to my body though is really important; I can’t push myself too far or else I
could be doing more harm than good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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Today I went on my 3 mile run that I do now in between
each chemo session.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It felt so good
after and so bad during haha.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The first
mile was again the toughest as my body screamed at me, but this time around, it
felt a little easier than last time and I was able to jog more than walk this
time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My pace was still pretty awful,
but improved from last time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Running is
such a love/hate relationship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
tough to do, but is a great way for me to challenge myself and overcome
something; as there is not much I can actively use in that department these
days. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It tires me out and my body hurts
afterwards, but the mental win is worth it all; plus I kind of like the soreness
in my chest as my lungs expand against my ribs (weird?) lol.</div>
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I am really pumped for this month.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>August is shaping up to be awesome; starting
with that my doctor has finally approved me to fly and I am on my way to Maine
tomorrow!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of my favorite things to
do in the summer is travel and take road trips; which clearly I have been
unable to do so getting up north to just get away and spend time with some
great people who I dearly miss will be awesome!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Also, FOOTBALL IS BACK and the pre-season has begun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you know me, you know that I love football
and am a diehard Redskins fan!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My cousin
Chad got tickets to the Colts vs. Redskins preseason game on August 25<sup>th</sup>
and my buddy Ben from Maine who is a Colts fan will be flying down for that
weekend and coming to the game with us to enjoy some <s>Andrew Luck</s> vs. RG3
action!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s going to be a great
month.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>=) <br />
<br />
One last devotional before I let you guys go until my next post.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This one in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Jesus Calling</i> was from yesterday August 10<sup>th</sup> and really
brought me some comfort in its words.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
reads:</div>
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“Relax in My healing, holy Presence. Allow Me to
transform you through this time alone with Me. As your thoughts center more and
more on Me, trust displaces fear and worry. Your mind is somewhat like a
seesaw. As your trust in Me goes up, fear and worry automatically go down. Time
spent with Me not only increases your trust; it also helps you discern what is
important and what is not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Energy and
time are precious, limited entities. Therefore, you need to use them wisely,
focusing on what is truly important. As you walk close to Me, saturating your
mind with Scripture, I will show you how to spend your time and energy. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">My Word is a lamp to your feet; My Presence is
a Light for your path</i>.”</div>
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Read <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians%205:15-16&version=NLT" target="_blank">Ephesians 5:15-16</a> and <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm%20119:105&version=NLT" target="_blank">Psalm 119:105</a> as they go along
with this devotional.<br />
<br />
I challenge you this next week to be wise; not just what you perceive as wisdom
but to be truly wise; and don’t be afraid to open up, don’t be scared to let
love in, to trust, and to never stop fighting for what you believe in and in
achieving your goals!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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You are never alone, God is always there.<br />
<br />
I love you guys,</div>
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Take care & God Bless</div>
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<br /></div>
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In Him,</div>
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<br /></div>
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-Matthew<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>=)</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<u>Today’s Music:</u></div>
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Pandora playlists: </div>
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Britt Nicole Radio, </div>
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Kari Jobe Radio, </div>
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and Dance Cardio Radio</div>
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<br /></div>
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As well as</div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="http://youtu.be/x8QubLxJI54" target="_blank">BarlowGirl – Never Alone</a></div>
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<a href="http://youtu.be/Xf-TVbScLeA" target="_blank">Meredith Andrews – Not For a Moment (After All)</a></div>
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<a href="http://youtu.be/UxWayfx3p2s" target="_blank">Jason Castro – Only a Mountain</a></div>
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<a href="http://youtu.be/qdn4TKNxO3w" target="_blank">Addison Road – Always Love</a></div>
Matthewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14266691203419135858noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1090459496212326263.post-61377492638506411392012-07-19T20:46:00.001-04:002014-02-08T13:23:57.167-05:00Determination/Inspiration & Learning to TRUSTYESTERDAY I RAN 3.27 MILES IN 100°F HEAT AND DID 50 PUSHUPS!!!<br />
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<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /></div>
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Okay, let me be more honest and rephrase that…</div>
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<br /></div>
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Yesterday I <u>half</u> ran (more like jogged) 3.27 miles
in 96°F
heat (felt like 100°F degrees with humidity) and did 25 pushups before I ran
(19 at once and then 6 more) and then did another 25 after the “run” (15 at
once and then 10 more). =P</div>
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Now, maybe this might not seem like much of an
accomplishment, but for me it was. For a
guy who hasn’t ran in about 2 months, has lost about 30lbs over the past 9-10
months (including plenty of muscle), has cancer, is currently undergoing
chemotherapy and is taking drugs/medicines that make him dizzy and lightheaded
at times and that tell him he shouldn’t be in prolonged sunlight exposure, it’s
a good sized accomplishment; one that I probably shouldn’t have done to be
honest, but I needed to yesterday.</div>
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<br /></div>
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What made me think doing that was an acceptable thing to
do? I started to read Lance Armstrong’s
book, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-About-Bike-Journey/dp/0425179613" target="_blank">“It’s Not About the Bike”</a> and after only 25 pages, I was PUMPED
UP!!! Now you can say whatever you want
about Lance Armstrong, maybe he has cheated and maybe he hasn’t but what you
can’t deny is that the man has been through A LOT and I can relate because when
he found out about his cancer, he was only 1 year older than me; 25 years old. Just after the few pages I read, his life and
determination got me motivated. I know I
am going to beat the cancer inside, I am absolutely determined to live on and
to keep letting God work in me and through me during this time. As ridiculous as this sounds, I started to
envision myself playing in the NFL. I
was so jacked up with raw purpose that I could see myself, after this is all
over, getting coached on football. I
secretly have always regretted not trying out for football in high school because
I love the sport and I love playing it!
I like to play QB and Free Safety.
I like to command the field. I
think if I actually had the physical talent to play someday, I would rather
play FS. My body is more suited for it
being 6’0” tall (of course I would need to bulk up about 50lbs since this
cancer has left me hovering at only 150lbs right now, and I would need to work
on my vertical and speed), but I do think I have the natural intelligence to
play the position.</div>
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<br /></div>
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(exiting dreamland and back to reality) lol</div>
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<br /></div>
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Anyways; after reading part of his book, I started to
think, well what can I do right now, I am all pumped up, I need to do something
with all this energy and so I told myself I would try and run “the loop” as my
Pop-pop calls it. I went to my room and
changed; put on my under armour boxer jocks and shorts, last year’s Beach to
Beacon race shirt, a bandana, and my LiveSTRONG bracelet (seemed fitting
=P). I got a water bottle ready and
turned on the iMapMyRun app on my phone and put them in my backpack, did half of my
goal for pushups and set forth on my journey; I suppose to try and push myself
into giving me the freedom of some type of normalcy that I strongly miss.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTMRyd4hVcIdgIVveqesBIaVcj-lWB8e-XxAt0LDK7zpZRZncqIGGh4WIwumBfeCstDMBrIjKmmIBcO5RqygyPreWg2WeKmPjUBVKuIWjDLVLDYJvbipljdmc7i1T1P-N1WjihV5HM0_8/s1600/IMG_0763.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTMRyd4hVcIdgIVveqesBIaVcj-lWB8e-XxAt0LDK7zpZRZncqIGGh4WIwumBfeCstDMBrIjKmmIBcO5RqygyPreWg2WeKmPjUBVKuIWjDLVLDYJvbipljdmc7i1T1P-N1WjihV5HM0_8/s400/IMG_0763.JPG" height="373" width="400" /></a>Man, when that heat hit me, it felt amazing. I could feel the cells in my body reaching
out for its warmth. I walked up a small
hill, took a left turn and started to run.
It felt so good! …for about 5
minutes haha. Quickly my heart, my
lungs, and my leg muscles began to scream at me, yelling, “what the heck are
you doing you crazy man, we aren’t ready for this quite yet!” I remember praying to God around this moment,
“Lord, be with me. Please grant me the
strength to accomplish this”. I ran the
first mile and had to stop. It made me
really mad; I kept battling within myself if I should even stop or just push,
but then wisdom hit me and I realized that passing out on the side of the road
wasn’t worth the 3 mile journey. I
stopped because I could feel a pain in my heart, my neck tensing up, and my
head and hands frequently tingled. In
fact, they tingled throughout much of my “run”.
It felt really good though, to feel free and run again, even with how
much my body was being tested. I also
found out that Southern Maryland is pretty friendly because about 75% of the
people I waved to that drove past me waved back; I even got a car honk! =P<br />
<br />
The “run” took a lot out of me. After
resting on the floor for a bit, I did the rest of my pushups and took a shower
because I was drenched in sweat. My body was completely exhausted and I fell
asleep after the shower until dinner time.
I remember feeling pretty weak when I woke up so I took my blood
pressure just as a precaution; it was only 91/61 which is not very good. Dinner helped a lot though, and I regained my
energy. I do have to say that today I am
very sore but it was worth it. I
actually feel better today and I have decided to make it my goal to try and run
the route between each of the rest of my chemo treatments; however I will be
sure to not run on such hot days in the future. </div>
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Part of why I needed to do this, was just for the general
health of my psyche. Cancer sucks, no
doubt about it. It turns your life
upside down! Lance says this early in
the book; “I won’t kid you. There are two Lance Armstrongs, pre-cancer, and post. Everybody’s favorite question is ‘How did
cancer change you?’ The real question is
how didn’t it change me? …… The truth is that cancer was the best thing that
ever happened to me. I don’t know why I
got the illness, but it did wonders for me, and I wouldn’t want to walk away
from it. Why would I want to change,
even for a day, the most important and shaping event in my life?” I can relate to those statements SO much. Of course I wish it didn’t take
cancer/heartache to bring about all the changes I am currently undergoing,
because it can be very hard, but I can see so much how it is affecting me in
such a positive way. For me, it is also
God who is changing my life. My faith
has been established, which I have always had, but never really embraced until
around the end of October of last year.
A lot of the events that have taken place since then have included a lot
of trials which are not fun at all, but I am able to find purpose in
each of them.<br />
<br />
God is really working in my life right now and changing me. One of the biggest things as I have mentioned
before is that He is trying to teach me more about trust; starting with
trusting Him. It is the most important
and hardest lesson for me to learn. I
have tried to control things in my life for a long time; mostly out of
fear. Learning to trust God, a being who
I cannot even see is my ultimate test of trust.
Once I am able to fully do that, it will enable me to be trusting with
all the aspects of my life. It will be
really healing for me actually.</div>
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This was today’s devotional in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Jesus Calling</i>; I felt like it was made for me today and what I have
been struggling with: </div>
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<i><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">“Bring Me all your
feelings, even the ones you wish you didn't have. Fear and anxiety still plague
you. Feelings per se are not sinful, but they can be temptations to sin.
Blazing missiles of fear fly at you day and night; these attacks from the evil
one come at you relentlessly. Use your shield of faith to extinguish those
flaming arrows. Affirm your trust in Me, regardless of how you feel. If you
persist, your feelings will eventually fall in line with your faith.<br />
<br />
Do not hide from your fear or pretend it isn't there. Anxiety that you hide in
the recesses of your heart will give birth to fear of fear; a monstrous
stepchild. Bring your anxieties out into the Light of My Presence, where we can
deal with them together. Concentrate on trusting Me, and fearfulness will
gradually lose its foothold within you.”</b></i></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“See, God has come to save me. I will trust in Him and
not be afraid. The Lord God is my strength and my song; He has given me
victory.” – Isaiah 12:2</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will
be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will
still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the
body armor of God’s righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from
the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all of these, <u>hold
up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil.</u> Put on
salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word
of God.” – Ephesians 6:13-17</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“This is the message we heard from Jesus and now declare
to you: God is light, and there is no darkness in him at all. So we are lying
if we say we have fellowship with God but go on living in spiritual darkness;
we are not practicing the truth. But if we are living in the light, as God is
in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus,
his Son, cleanses us from all sin.” - 1 John 1:5-7</b></span></div>
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Trust is so important, hence probably why it is the
toughest lesson for me to learn. It sometimes
is the hardest thing to do, but also the most important. If you can’t trust, you live in a
world filled with anxiety and fear; it’s one of the worst places to be in... <i>trust</i> me, I know. Trust is one of the most delicate things in
this life. It is so pure and
special. Once you break it though; it
can be almost impossible to gain it back; it definitely is something that has
to be earned more often than not. I don’t
know why it has been so hard for me to just blindly trust things in my life; I
could take a few guesses, but it’s not really worth wondering why. What is more important to me is to continue
to seek God in trusting Him with my life.
I know I can trust Him because He is good, He loves me unconditionally
and He is worthy. It comes down to
having Faith in Him. You can’t have one
without the other. I just gotta ‘let go
and let God!’ There is so much freedom
in trusting the Lord; I am so scared to do it but at the same time so excited. He deserves my trust, for He is faithful and He showed us the ultimate reason of why we should trust in Him because He showed us the ultimate showing of love; Jesus dying on the cross for us all. </div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and He
will help you.” – Psalm 37:5</b></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><b><br /></b></span>
<br />
<div>
<span style="color: black;"><b>"Faith grows only as it is tested. It is through the dark experiences of life rather than in its lightsome joys that our faith rises to new heights. Such experiences will develop in us a more restful confidence in our heavenly Father's love and providential care." - J. Oswald Sanders</b></span></div>
<b><br /></b>
<span style="color: #444444;"><b>"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds." - James 1:2 </b></span> </div>
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I challenge you all this week if you are struggling with
trust to find comfort in knowing that God has you in His loving hands and that
you don’t need to fear for God is Good and I hope that my small amount of
determination yesterday will bring you inspiration in any battles you may be
facing right now; YOU CAN DO IT! Even if
you don’t achieve your goals right away, <u>never</u> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">stop</i> <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">trying</b>!</div>
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God Bless you all!</div>
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Love in Him,</div>
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<br /></div>
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-Matthew =)</div>
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<u>Today’s Blog Playlist:</u></div>
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<a href="http://youtu.be/btPJPFnesV4" target="_blank">Survivor – Eye of the Tiger</a></div>
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<a href="http://youtu.be/z7mzEbP0CS8" target="_blank">Gym Class Heroes – The Fighter</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9md7QzUkCc" target="_blank">Fireflight – For Those Who Wait</a></div>
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<a href="http://youtu.be/_ilyVHNCNEQ" target="_blank">Unspoken – Just to Get to Me</a></div>
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<a href="http://youtu.be/xwVYxn0fonE" target="_blank">MIKESCHAIR – A Beautiful Life</a></div>
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<a href="http://youtu.be/h25Tib_Z8sI" target="_blank">Brandon Heath – Now More than Ever</a></div>
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<a href="http://youtu.be/bRLMmQOqwu4" target="_blank">MercyMe – You Know Better</a></div>
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<a href="http://youtu.be/RymNDBAAP3Y" target="_blank">Fee – Everything Falls</a></div>
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<a href="http://youtu.be/xGPS8sa-bRQ" target="_blank">Casting Crowns – Praise You in this Storm</a></div>
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<a href="http://youtu.be/P8PLBQrzWQ8" target="_blank">Elevation Worship – Give Me Faith</a></div>
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<a href="http://youtu.be/zH6uffpLslQ" target="_blank">MercyMe – You are I Am</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=9BMCMFNU" target="_blank">Leeland – Follow You</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ODe4sGCKxc" target="_blank">Chris Tomlin – I Will Follow</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjqZPaiYiRs" target="_blank">Addison Road – Hope Now</a></div>
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<a href="http://youtu.be/EgsLWFOMLwI" target="_blank">MIKESCHAIR – Love Won’t Quit On Us</a></div>
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<a href="http://youtu.be/mmkFLPPK8bI" target="_blank">MercyMe – Don’t Give Up On Me</a></div>
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Matthewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14266691203419135858noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1090459496212326263.post-36108498490985556752012-07-16T08:38:00.001-04:002014-02-08T13:26:04.187-05:00Baldy! (and Chemo update)<br />
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Alright everyone, I know this blog post is long overdue
so get comfy and put on your reading glasses; this is going to be long
one! =P</div>
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Since I last posted; a bunch has taken place. I started to lose my hair, I went through my
second treatment of chemo, had some pretty tough days and recently more good
ones and a few “revelations” about life; in particular mostly about my
own. Buckle your seatbelts kiddies, h e
r e W E
GO!!</div>
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On Sunday July 1<sup>st</sup> is when I first started to
notice my hair coming out. I was in the
shower getting ready for church and shampooing my hair. It was actually kind of an interesting shower
before I noticed hair falling out because I was at my cousin Melissa’s house
and she has the shared bathroom set up for her 2 year old Gavyn and thus my
showerhead was a whale spitting water out of his mouth at me lol. I didn’t notice hair in the drain but rather
on my hands as I was rubbing the shampoo through my hair. It was one of those moments were I just
stared at my hands for a long moment and proceeded to take a deep breath. I knew it would happen, but I think a part of
me wished it wouldn’t and it’s one of those things that doesn’t really hit you
until it actually does happen. Like
sometimes how you don’t really realize how much you miss someone until they’re
gone or, specifically for you ladies, you can’t fathom what it feels like to
have a life inside of you until you are actually pregnant. I didn’t cry or anything like that, I simply
stopped rubbing my head out of sheer fear that it would all fall out lol. Once I was out of the shower I started to
inspect and it didn’t look like any had fallen out (thank God for the thick
& coarse hair he blessed me with).
As the days went on I started to realize that I was shedding and just
running my hands through my head would result in strands of hair falling
out. Then one morning I woke up to this…</div>
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I had enough. I couldn’t keep watching
it slowly fall out or keep not taking showers lol. I reluctantly made the decision to shave my
head. Thank God because He didn’t allow
me to do it alone. My Dad and my
cousin’s husband Jeromie joined in on the fun with me which definitely helped
to have that support their and both of the hairstyles where pretty awesome as
well. The blonde one who shaved my head
is actually who my Pop-pop always goes to when he gets a haircut so I had met
her a few times and she had already cut my hair twice before this (her name is
Stephanie). We were actually all
laughing and making jokes throughout the whole thing. Below is the before and after pictures along
with a (rather boring so I won’t feel bad if you don’t watch it) short video of
me getting my hair buzzed.</div>
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A funny/not-so-funny side note was my Dad getting his
dome butchered by the girl who buzzed his head.
The girl was like, “are you okay? because your head is bleeding” and I
think my Dad responded with something along the lines of “well I guess not; I
have been holding back some tears” lol. Stephanie didn’t even charge me because
I had been there a little over a week before to get a haircut and she thanked
us for brightening up her day. </div>
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It’s kind of strange because I am not really losing hair
anywhere else; nor growing hair either.
My facial hair seems to be at a standstill on growth and the legs, arms,
and chest are still standing strong lol.
A weird thing that I learned is that once my hair does grow back after
this is all over and I BEAT THIS THING, is that my hair could grow back a
totally different color and even texture; I’m keeping my fingers crossed that
it stays the same though; I liked my hair.</div>
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If you haven’t noticed yet, my mother started a
fundraiser for me because all things pertaining to my situation are becoming a
bit of a financial burden on my family and I.
I can’t work; in fact my doctor has written that I cannot work for at
least 18 weeks if not more, so I have been looking into trying to get some type
of benefits so that I can have some type of money coming in. Dealing with the different services is a bit
of headache, along with all the paperwork.
I have needed to defer my student loans, apply for help with storing my
sperm (Sharing Hope, a part of LIVESTRONG), look into disability or
unemployment benefits, transfer my sperm from one facility to another long term
one, and deal with the numerous medical bills to name most of the stuff I have
needed to do. Plus, I just feel bad
because I can’t really contribute and my family spends a lot of money to see me
and take care of me. It’s frustrating
because I want to work and I want to be able to pay these bills and prescriptions
etc. myself, but instead of letting that all get to me, I try to just focus on
the fact that I am blessed with a great family, great friends, and that there
are options for me to try and get some help from the government. I do need to give a shout out to President
Obama; he may not be the best president we have had but if it wasn’t for Obama
Care I would not be currently insured under my father’s medical plan and would
be royally screwed when it came to all the medical costs. Let me put it to you this way, just one of my
prescription drugs <u>without</u> insurance was over $650 for only 20 pills;
with insurance it was still $80 but insurance clearly took a huge chunk of the
cost.</div>
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I met with my doctor to discuss how things were
going before my second round of chemo.
He told me that the results of my echo cardiogram looked good and that
my heart was working just fine and my blood work is pretty darn awesome
considering all that my body is being subjected to right now. We discussed certain things like the drugs I
am taking, concerns I was having etc. </div>
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I had just started to feel somewhat “normal” again by the
time I had my second chemo treatment which was on July 6<sup>th</sup>. My Dad, my Aunt Kelley, and my Aunt Beth
joined me this time. It went pretty much
the same way as the previous time except this time I was less anxious because I
now know what to expect when getting chemo. I had blood work done at 7am,
waited roughly three hours for them to make my chemo cocktail and then received
my treatment around 11am. While we
waited we had breakfast at the hospital cafeteria which isn’t half bad. If you remember from the first chemo
treatment blog post, I had mentioned that I met a woman who was handing out
chocolate cake to people and she was brightening up people’s day. I was determined to do the same at my next
chemo treatment and wanted to make brownies for people; however no amount of
determination can break past my Nanny’s wishes lol. She wouldn’t let me use the oven because it
had been so hot down here recently.
However, perhaps it’s because God had a better idea. The three of us found a local Italian bakery
and walked a couple miles to it from the hospital. There we bought two big boxes of cookies to give
out to the nurses and other chemo patients and I also got to meet and talk to
one of the owners. She was a sweet woman
who is from Venice and talked to me about the town and the wonder foods of
Italy. I promised her would come visit
her and have breakfast with her every morning from now on during my chemo
treatment days (not a hard decision with all the amazing food she made) <br />
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No strange things to report during the chemo process and this one took less to
complete; we left around 5pm I think. My
Aunt Kelley and I handed out the cookies and everyone loved them; it was funny
to see the nurses not in my chemo room give us a strange look as they took a
cookie because I am sure they just didn’t expect it. It was such a blessing
to talk with and see the smiles of the other people who have cancer as well…
definitely doing it again next time! Anyways,
what I didn’t expect was to feel the chemo effects as quickly as I did this
time around. Last time I was feeling
pretty good, just nauseous the night of if I remember right, but this time it
hit me kind of hard and within a couple hours.
I was with my Dad at my Uncle Kevin and Aunt Beth’s beach house about 20
minutes from where my Nanny & Pop-pop live.
They were preparing dinner and I started to feel nauseous and
light-headed. I went to sit on the couch
and sat there holding my head as it was starting to pound a little. My Dad kept asking me how I felt and I told him
I just felt weird and weak. I kind of
fell over as I laid down on the couch and that’s when my Dad decided it was
time for me to get back “home”. As I
started to stand up, I could feel it being abnormally harder to stand than it
should be. We got back to my Nan & Pop's, I took a nausea
pill, downed some water and passed out as my Dad rubbed my back.</div>
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This past Friday I went back to the doctor a week after
my 2<sup>nd</sup> chemo treatment to get an IV of fluids to help with any dehydration
that I might be experiencing and I also got some more blood work done and met
with my doctor briefly. My doctor was
very encouraging because he told me that I am handling the treatment quite well
while many people tend to be worse off than how I am doing. He also told me that he is very pleased with
my blood work as most of it is quite good.
(ohhh yeahhh, I am kicking this things butt! My body is strong, my will is strong, and my
heart is even stronger; this cancer WILL NOT destroy me!). The only real concerns so far are my <a href="http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003643.htm" target="_blank">whiteblood cell (WBC) counts</a>. They certainly
have taken a hit from the chemo and it is important to monitor my WBC’s because
they are the disease fighters of my body.
If they get too low, I am at a risk of a really bad infection and
possibly getting fatally sick because my body doesn’t have enough of its own anti-bodies
to protect me from a sickness entering and wreaking havoc on my body. I do take an anti-biotic pill every day and
also an even more powerful one on days 8-15 of each chemo session (when my WBC’s
take the biggest hit) to help my body out.
The doctors and I look mostly at two components of my blood; my white
blood cell counts which are the mature WBC’s in my body and also my neutrophil
numbers as these are immature white blood cells being developed in my
body. I call them my soldiers in boot
camp who aren’t quite ready to hit the battlefield yet lol. To give you an idea of how the chemo has been
affecting me; a normal range from low to high of white blood cell count levels is
between 4500 - 11,000 per cubic millimeter.
On June 6<sup>th</sup> before any of my chemo started my count was 8710/cu.mm;
the same count from my most recent blood work done on July 13<sup>th</sup> was
only 2810/cu.mm. Taking a look at my
neutrophils, a normal range from low to high is between 1500 – 7800 per cubic
millimeter. On June 6<sup>th</sup> that
level was 6530/cu.mm and now on July 13<sup>th</sup> it is only 1790/cu.mm.</div>
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Friday was actually a really fun day. My cousin Melissa brought me up to Johns
Hopkins and she is like my twin in a lot of ways. People at the hospital actually thought we
might be brother and sister and I do kind of look at her as an older
sister. It’s kind of funny because we
are exactly 10 years and 6 days apart from each other but we are on the same
level much of the time. We are both
really silly and goofy and it’s just fun hanging out with her. We can have deep intimate conversations and
then the next moment be total dorks laughing at our goofiness. For example, as we drove back from the
hospital we were jamming out in the car and I started to dance outside of the
car window waving at the passerby’s lol. To side track real quick, while I was
get the IV of fluids I had to leave early, which was fine, because my doctor
said I might not have even needed it this time but it was good to get as a
precaution. I needed to leave before the fluids were finished because
there were so many smells that kept making me feel nauseous. Let me explain, the chemo has made my sense
of smell really sensitive and certain things can make me feel nauseous, like
the alcohol they use to clean the beds and like the woman who was in the chemo
room wearing WAYY too much bad smelling <s>perfume</s>. I also get bloated at times and get constipated…
along with my nausea and cravings for things like milkshakes, pickles, and
bacon covered cheese fries; after talking to a few women, apparently I am
pregnant! =P It was also a really nice day because my
friend Teresa was on vacation in Maryland visiting two of her friends and she
met me in Baltimore and had lunch with my cousin and I. Visits are greatly appreciated folks (hint
hint) ;-). </div>
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I took pictures of some of my chemo drugs at my most
recent chemo session, but I had to delete them from my phone because just
thinking about the chemo makes me nauseous now; my body now associates them “as
not a good time” lol. One of the five
chemo drugs is <a href="http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/druginfo/meds/a682221.html" target="_blank">doxorubicin</a> which is nicknamed “<span style="color: red;">the
red devil</span>”. It is one of the
worst chemo drugs, in the sense that it causes a lot side effects and possible
complications. It is bright red and is
injected by my nurse straight into my IV at the top of my forearm; a little
side note: it turns my pee red for like my next two “fluid release sessions”
which is kinda cool/weird lol.</div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Acute adverse
effects of doxorubicin can include nausea, vomiting, and heart arrhythmias. It
can also cause neutropenia (a decrease in white blood cells), as well as
complete alopecia (hair loss). A more mild side effect is discoloration of the
urine, which can turn bright red for up to 48 hours after dosing. When the
cumulative dose of doxorubicin reaches 550 mg/m², the risks of developing
cardiac side effects, including CHF, dilated cardiomyopathy, and death,
dramatically increase. Doxorubicin cardiotoxicity is characterized by a
dose-dependent decline in mitochondrial oxidative phosphorylation. Reactive
oxygen species, generated by the interaction of doxorubicin with iron, can then
damage the myocytes (heart cells), causing myofibrillar loss and cytoplasmic
vacuolization. Additionally, some patients may develop PPE, characterized by
skin eruptions on the palms of the hand or soles of the feet, swelling, pain
and erythema. Doxorubicin may interfere with the normal menstrual cycle
(period) in women and may stop sperm production in men. Doxorubicin may
increase your risk for developing leukemia (cancer of the white blood cells),
especially when it is given in high doses or together with certain other
chemotherapy medications and radiation (x-ray) therapy. Due to these side
effects and its red color, doxorubicin has earned the nickname "red
devil" or "red death.” </i></div>
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I haven’t talked too much specifically about my chemo
drugs because as you can read, it’s kind of depressing lol.</div>
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I’m starting to notice a pattern now after two chemo
treatments where that first week or so after chemo just sucks; but on the
bright side, it was not as bad this time compared to the first week of my first
treatment. I didn’t have a really hard
night where my body ached a lot like I did the first time around. This time around I have felt weak still,
somehow got hiccups again (strange side-effect to me) but they didn’t last
nearly as long as last time, light-headed at times but not as frequent, I feel
really toxic still and just strange inside, I sweat a lot more than normally,
especially in my armpits lol (probably because my body is trying to release the
junk in me and we have lymph nodes in our armpits so it kind of makes sense),
and I still have a lot of trouble sleeping; which is partially from the chemo,
partially from the drugs I am on, and from the fact that I drink tons of water
each day to help flush my system out which results in me waking up 2-6 times in
the middle of the night to pee. I did
notice though that by the last week of each chemo session, the sleeping does
get a little better and I am starting to try and limit my fluids a few hours
before bed. Another reason I think for
the lack of sleep is that I have had a lot on my mind…<br />
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I try not to get too much into how I am doing emotionally
and mentally because I like/want/need to stay positive, but to be honest, I do
get depressed and I was depressed a lot this past week. When I feel really beaten up from the chemo
drugs and my body is at its worst each week; when I am the most limited
physically, is when I tend to really feel down.
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(prepare for a vent session =P) </div>
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I don’t have my car, and even if I did, I am not allowed
to drive by myself. I try to do some
exercises or go for a walk, but I get winded just from walking uphill and
sometimes I feel so weak or fatigued that all I want to do is stay in bed; plus
because of the state of my body and because of a certain anti-biotic that I
have to take every day, my exposure to the sun has to be quite limited. If I got sunburnt it could actually become
permanent. I also can’t get too hot
either. I tend to feel really hot in my
core a lot or sometimes my head feels really hot and if I got a temperature
above 100.4°F
I would have to rush to the hospital; luckily though whenever I feel hot and
take my temperature it has always been right around normal. I live with my grandparents, which I thank
God for because it truly is such a blessing, however, it can be quite taxing at
times to live with people who are almost 60 years old than me; but if anything,
it’s God’s way of making me even more patient than I already am lol. I get lonely and feel isolated
sometimes. I have some family here, but
they all are busy living life so it’s not like I can just see them whenever I
want. They have to come to me or I have
to be chauffeured to them; with my main chauffeur being my 82 year old Pop-pop;
who can drive, but at his age, he shouldn’t have to as much as he has been
doing for me. I appreciate them a lot
because they are doing so much for me to accommodate this sickly and goofy
young man in their home. I miss my
friends, I miss my independence, I miss my health, I miss normalcy, and I miss
my ex-girlfriend; a lot. This situation
has been extra hard for me because not only is my body and mind being tested,
but my heart is in agony as well. Now
before I get into this, I need to say that my ex-gf is an <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>AMAZING</u></b> woman and she is not making this harder for me in
anyway at all. It’s just my own feelings
and emotions that are associated with my current state of heartache that brings
me great suffering and pain. Simply put;
I miss her dearly. Just thinking about
the mess of a situation her and I’s relationship has become is bringing me to
tears right now... Some nights I can’t sleep because my mind is racing with so
many thoughts: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“I wish I could hold her
in my arms again and softly kiss her forehead”, “I wish I could still be a part
of her life”, “I wonder how her day was today”, “why aren’t we together and why
did this have to happen”, “I wish she were here with me and I could tell her
she is beautiful”, “I wonder how she is doing; I hope she is okay and smiling
that gorgeous smile of hers a lot”, “does she think of me and miss me too”, “I
regret so much the things that I did that hurt her; please God, give me a chance
to make it up to her by being this new man you have/are creating me into”</i>…
to name a few; no need to go too much into it, you get the gist. I miss seeing, talking, and spending time
with her; I miss being someone in her life that brought her joy and could make
her smile. I miss being there for her
and being her man. She became such a
close friend to me; my best friend really.
I get frustrated, angry, sad, depressed and sometimes cry because of it
all. Feelings of regret and guilt
sometimes consume me; because I have learned so much from our break up and see
why God allowed it happen; but now I want so badly to make up for not being the
best man I could have been for her… I struggle in trying to let her go and
giving her the space she has so desperately needed for the past 6 months,
mostly because I don’t really even want to let her go and have to spend our
lives not together. I don’t want to live
my life not being by her side; loving her, supporting her, comforting her,
respecting her, honoring her; so trying to get my heart and mind to sync up is
almost impossible. I have come to the
realization that someday if I truly must move on for good and be with someone
else, I will never stop loving her. She
is going to have a special part of my heart that won’t ever be able to be
erased. Frankly, to be honest, some days
the heartache is so much more painful than all of this cancer business; I think
it equates to the fact that I really love her, but ultimately I rather have her
be happy and have what’s best for her than for her to be with me and not
experience the same joy she brings me.
If it is not her choice to share her life with mine then I just have to
accept that and love her in whatever way is best for her, even if that means
having no relationship with her. It is
just so hard; I mean it’s nothing like this cancer business; I certainly don’t
love the tumor inside me lol.</div>
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I couldn’t sleep again last night with all the things on my
mind and decided to pray and listen to a sermon to try and ease my
spirits. At 2:30am this morning I listened
to <a href="http://marshill.com/media/trial/trial-and-jesus" target="_blank">Trial and Jesus</a> and I have to say; it relates a lot to exactly how I
am feeling right now in many ways. This
is really hard and Pastor <span class="episodemetaauthor">Mark Driscoll doesn’t
downplay how hard the trials of life are but he ended it with such a fire that
Jesus is with us and we can rejoice in the hardships of life. </span>It got me
all pumped up to finish this blog lol and am now up in the wee hours of the
morning doing so. Definitely take a
listen to it if you can; it’s a really good one. Fast forward to around the 8<sup>th</sup>
minute though because that is where the sermon actually starts.</div>
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One of the devotionals I am reading is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Jesus Calling</i> by Sarah Young. On each day for a year she wrote the words
and scriptures she felt Jesus lovingly laying on her heart. On July 9<sup>th</sup>
she wrote: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“STOP WORRYING long enough to
hear My voice. I speak softly to you, in
the depths of your being. Your mind
shuttles back and forth, hither and yon, weaving webs of anxious
confusion. As my thoughts rise up within
you, they become entangled in those sticky webs of worry. Thus, My voice is muffled, and you hear only “white
noise”. Ask My Spirit to quiet your mind
so that you can think My thoughts. This
ability is an awesome benefit of being My child, patterned after my own
image. Do not be deafened by the noise
of the world or that of your own thinking.
Instead, be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Sit quietly in My Presence, letting My
thoughts reprogram your thinking.”</i>
Read: <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Deuteronomy%2030:20&version=NLT" target="_blank">Deuteronomy 30:20</a>; <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis%201:27&version=NLT" target="_blank">Genesis 1:27</a>, and <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans%2012:2&version=NLT" target="_blank">Romans 12:2</a>. </div>
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On July 15<sup>th</sup> she wrote: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Do Not Worry About Tomorrow! This
is not a suggestion, but a command. I divided time into days and nights, so
that you would have manageable portions of life to handle. My grace is sufficient for you, but
its sufficiency is for only one day at a time. When you worry about the future,
you heap day upon day of troubles onto your flimsy frame. You stagger under
this heavy load, which I never intended you to carry. Throw off this oppressive burden with one
quick thrust of trust. Anxious thoughts meander about and crisscross in your
brain, but trusting Me brings you directly into My Presence. As you thus affirm
your faith, shackles of worry fall off instantly. Enjoy My Presence continually
by trusting Me at all times.”</i> Read: <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%206:34&version=NLT" target="_blank">Matthew 6:34</a>; <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2%20Corinthians%2012:9&version=NLT" target="_blank">2 Corinthians 12:9</a>, and <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm%2062:8&version=NLT" target="_blank">Psalm 62:8</a></div>
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For me, these are both helpful reminders for me to find
rest in God’s presence when the cogs in my head won’t stop turning lol.</div>
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God has blessed me with a great new friend down here in
Maryland; the pastor’s wife of my Nanny & Pop-pops church. I first met her at a father’s day potluck
lunch that their church was having and she talked with me and some of my family
for a couple of hours that day. We noticed
a special connection and now are starting to develop a great friendship. We are very similar in a lot of ways and what
makes our friendship so unique and special is that she is a breast cancer
survivor; going on 4 years now if I remember right. It is amazing because not only can she relate
to me on a personal level as we have similar personalities and views but she
knows in a lot of ways exactly what I am going through right now when it comes
to my battle with cancer. The time I get
to spend with her is priceless. It
provides me with someone I can hang out with since all of my other friends are
elsewhere and our new friendship gives me someone I can just talk with and receive
a lot of wisdom from because she is a cancer survivor and a Christian woman who
shares in my faith. The other day I got
to hang out with her and as she enforced how important it is to stay positive,
something from the conversation got me thinking. She asked me to focus on what makes me happy;
like a “happy place” to go to when things get tough. Immediately the first thing that came to my
mind was a night when my ex-girlfriend was snuggled up in my arms and falling
asleep on my chest. What was strange was
that once she asked me to think of other things since she knows of the
situation with my relationship with my ex; for a few moments I couldn’t think
of anything else. It was like one of those
huge eye opening moments where the light bulb goes off in your head. It made me realize that I kind of “lost myself”
in the relationship; that I placed so much of my happiness on her and I slowly
stopped just simply being great and amazing me.
This wasn’t her fault; it just kind of happened as I had become more and
more wrapped up in my own fears during that time. Now, there is nothing at all wrong having
that moment with her being one of the happiest moments in my life; it was amazing to feel the peace in that
moment. She felt so safe and secure with
me and could rest peacefully in my arms and just the knowledge of that brought me
such a feeling of joy that naturally it was one of the best moments of my life.
That peace is very similar to the peace I now feel when I pray or do a devotional
just focusing in on and spending time with God.
I believe that they both have their separate place in life and neither
one nor the other can fully replace each other because the peace I felt with
her was a very tangible peace as it was mostly derived from a physical
feeling. With God it sometimes is an
even greater feeling of peace for me because it is a spiritual peace felt internally. However, I know now that those moments cannot
be the sole thing that brings me joy and unconsciously to me at the time, she
became my sole joy. What a burden it
must have been for her… No one can live
up to that; only God can be that kind of rock in our lives.</div>
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Another devotional from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Jesus Calling</i> that was really awesome was on July 10<sup>th</sup>
and in it Sarah Young writes: <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Relax
in My Peaceful Presence. Do not bring
performance pressures into our sacred space communion. When you are with someone you trust
completely, you feel free to be yourself.
This is one of the joys of true friendship. Though I am Lord of lords and King of kings, I
also desire to be your intimate Friend. When
you are tense or pretentious in our relationship, I feel hurt. I know the worst about you, but I also see
the best in you. I long for you to trust
Me enough to be fully yourself with Me.
When you are real with Me, I am able to bring out the best in you: the
very gifts I have planted in your soul.
Relax, and enjoy our relationship.”</i></b> She also says to read <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Revelation%2017:14&version=NLT" target="_blank">Revelation 17:14</a> and
<a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%2015:13-15&version=NLT" target="_blank">John 15:13-15</a>. When I read this, it was
like an arrow straight into my heart; a good arrow though. It felt that way for many reasons and I
am left afterwards striving to allow all of my friendships to be that way;
especially with the relationship I get to have with my wife someday. I want my relationship with Jesus to mimic
the ones I also have here on earth. </div>
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This is my time to go through the “valley” as some people
say; to go through a time of trial and suffering, but in it, also a time to grow. A friend of mine told me that he thought God
was testing me early because He knows that I am strong enough to handle it and
that this was “My Everest”. It
(hopefully) will be the toughest climb of the many valleys and mountains that I
will encounter in my life but once I beat this and get through this I will be
so much stronger, wiser, mature, and better because of it. This is strengthening my faith and who I am
as a person. Even though I don’t fully
understand it always and it is extremely difficult at times, it is forcing me to trust
more and more in God and I am growing so much in many aspects of my
life; and for that, I thank Him so much!<br />
<br />
I know I am repeating a little of what I have said in previous blogs when it
comes to how God is working through this difficult season of my life; but I am
finding it is for a purpose. In life, we
need to be reminded of things a lot. For
me, I am realizing just how important it is to be reminded of whom God is and
how He calls me to live my life. The
lessons I am learning can’t always be equated to that of, lets say, riding a
bike; once you learn how to do it, you pretty much know for life. You see, life is so much more complicated and
ever-changing; it can’t be compared to riding a bike because it’s just not that
“easy” and we need to be reminded of how we should live it.<br />
<span style="color: #444444;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“<span class="text">Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it
day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then
will you prosper and succeed in all you do.” – Joshua 1:8</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><span class="text">“All Scripture is inspired by God and is
useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our
lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. God
uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work.” 2 Timothy 3:
16-17</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><span class="text">“</span>Such things were written in the
Scriptures long ago to teach us. And the Scriptures give us hope and
encouragement as we wait patiently for God’s promises to be fulfilled.” –
Romans 15:4</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“Jesus said to the people who believed in him, “You are
truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings. And you will know
the truth, and the truth will set you free.” – John 8: 31-32</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“Jesus replied, “All who love me will do what I say. My
Father will love them, and we will come and make our home with each of them. Anyone
who doesn’t love me will not obey me. And remember, my words are not my own.
What I am telling you is from the Father who sent me.” – John 14: 23-24</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“But Jesus said, “It is written, ‘Man is not to live on
bread only. Man is to live by every word that God speaks.” – Matthew 4:4</b></span></div>
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I have come to understand that my relationship with God
is the most important relationship I will ever have; and just like for any
relationship to work; you must put in the time and effort for it to
survive. I need to spend time with my
loving Creator; I need to show my love for Him by studying His word and
honoring Him. Once you get to know the
true character of God, it just starts to make sense. Once you figure out that He loves you unconditionally,
with a love that cannot be matched here on this earth, it doesn’t seem so
strange. Once you come to realize that
all of His teachings are not to take away from the pleasures of living but
rather that He is simply an amazing Father trying to prevent us from any pain
by showing us when the time is right to enjoy each and every pleasurable thing
God created for us to experience.</div>
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I recently watched the movie <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Stranger than Fiction</i> and the ending just really impacted me as it
was a day that I was feeling down. The
monologue at the end of the movie is great and below is it in text form and a
video of it.</div>
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“As Harold took a bite of Bavarian sugar cookie, he
finally felt as if everything was going to be ok. Sometimes, when we lose
ourselves in fear and despair, in routine and constancy, in hopelessness and
tragedy, we can thank God for Bavarian sugar cookies. And, fortunately, when
there aren't any cookies, we can still find reassurance in a familiar hand on
our skin, or a kind and loving gesture, or subtle encouragement, or a loving
embrace, or an offer of comfort, not to mention hospital gurneys and nose
plugs, an uneaten Danish, soft-spoken secrets, and Fender Stratocasters, and
maybe the occasional piece of fiction. And we must remember that all these
things, the nuances, the anomalies, the subtleties, which we assume only
accessorize our days, are effective for a much larger and nobler cause. They
are here to <s>save</s> our lives. I know the idea seems strange, but I also
know that it just so happens to be true.”</div>
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It helped remind me of the many awesome little joys that can
be experienced in this life and that God is with me. I need to THANK all of you who are reading
this because I feel God in every card & letter you send to me, in every encouraging
message, in every word of support and acts of love and kindness from all of
you. In the books you have sent me or in
the loving phone calls or texts to see how I am doing. I have so much to be thankful for and I just
wanted to thank each and every one of you because it truly does make the days
not so hard and lifts the sorrows that sometimes plague me these days!</div>
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“Smile, Enjoy life.
That’s what God put you here to do.
I was sixty years old before I discovered in the Bible that God created
us for His enjoyment and ours; that His wisdom is composed of love, joy, and
peace; and that He delights to give us pleasure.” – Sherwood Eliot Wirt</div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our
lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness,
and self-control. There is no law against these things!” – Galatians 5:22-23</b></span></div>
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There is no sugar coating this time in my life. This is a season where I am in a lot pain,
where I am suffering, where some days it’s hard to see His light; my heart,
mind, body, and faith are all being tested…</div>
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<b>Praise the Lord!</b> </div>
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Consequently, my faith is growing and I <u>am</u> able to
feel God in all of this; as I focus in on Him rather than my pain, I am
maturing, I am growing and as I am being refined through the fires of my trials
I will rejoice in Him! I cannot escape
the many trials that this life brings but instead of losing myself in the false
“salvations” that I once looked to for comfort, I am leaning on the only true
savior of this world; Jesus. God doesn’t
promise us a life filled without pain, but He does promise us that He will be
there for us as we experience it all and thus we are able to experience <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">JOY</b> even in the darkest of places.</div>
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Another devotional (yes I look at a lot lol) that I have
in a Bible app on my phone stated this the other day: “Spiritual maturity is
not something that comes instantly or overnight. While spiritual growth is
absolutely accessible, it requires time and a great deal of patience. Many of
the good things that come to Jesus’ followers are birthed in the oven of
adversity and can be used to lead from hardship to maturity. The Bible shows us
the practical steps used by God leading us on the journey to a deeper
relationship with Him. The journey
begins with our faith being tested (not if but when). Dealing with the testing
in a proper way leads to patience, and this patience, while we allow God to
work, will ultimately bring us to a point of maturity. C.S. Lewis said, God whispers to us in our
joy but shouts while we go through pain. Is there pain or a problem in your
life that could be God trying to get your attention as well as being the first
step leading to your spiritual maturity?”</div>
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Life is such a journey; filled with the lows of the
valleys of life and the highs at the peak of each mountain top. I am coming to realize that if I am keeping
the Lord a priority in my life, then my priorities will be taken care of. If I am honoring God, then I will be honoring
all the other aspects of my life; whether it be my relationships, my job, my
finances, my duties as a husband and father someday etc. The wisdom He is imparting on me brings me an
amazing feeling of being loved, peace, and inner joy.</div>
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Thank you God for changing my life; and thank you to all
of you who are with me and supporting me during this battle. You have no idea how much it is helping me
and means to me!!<br />
<br />
It is so easy to get caught up in fear and the negative parts of life and take
for granted all the good we do have. You
never know when those joys could be gone or end so I challenge you all to dig a
little deep and find out what the joys are in your lives and to simply thank God for
each and every one of them and vow to always do your best in appreciating them
all!</div>
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God Bless All of You!</div>
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<br /></div>
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Love in Him,</div>
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<br /></div>
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-Matthew =) </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<u>Today's Blog Playlist:</u></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/CPuvzaNb2JI" target="_blank">Keith Urban – Stupid Boy</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/7XEKiNzfQ7w" target="_blank">Mat Kearney – Runaway</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGPd9Z397YQ&feature=related" target="_blank">Maroon 5 – Payphone</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/UdTBhyIN4z4" target="_blank">Nero – Guilt</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/r4l-ZKNyl28" target="_blank">Eminem ft. Rihanna – Love the Way You Lie</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/ItGF39KgYqA" target="_blank">Rihanna – Complicated</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/UhPRN-MkKtI" target="_blank">Mat Kearney – Head or Your Heart</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/2wb8q8ZZLms" target="_blank">Brian McKnight – Anytime</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/2v5d3WHVQFY" target="_blank">Peter Gabriel – In Your Eyes</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/1zfzka5VwRc" target="_blank">Demi Lovato – Give Your Heart a Break</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/R7Gf2SOmz5Q" target="_blank">He Is We ft. Owl City – All About Us</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OU94MGK4cXc" target="_blank">Mat Kearney – Two Hearts</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oBU7d5oenQ" target="_blank">Owl City & Carly Rae Jepsen – Good Time</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBVq1iZqxLM" target="_blank">Trip Lee ft. Jai – For My Good</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/-fKrP_1z7aE" target="_blank">Hillsong United – Search My Heart</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/OA3MSqufJP4" target="_blank">Kerrie Roberts – No Matter What</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://www.myspace.com/scottzacaroli/music/albums/hope-18617884" target="_blank">Scott Zacaroli – Hope</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/jqFIwbnPy_c" target="_blank">Steven Curtis Chapman – Long Way Home</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://youtu.be/zGY_pFjyM7U" target="_blank">Luminate – Come Home</a></div>
Matthewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14266691203419135858noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1090459496212326263.post-87332638804276074462012-06-28T21:11:00.001-04:002014-02-08T13:26:42.027-05:00FREEDOM thru Faith<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
A quick update on how I am doing before I get into
writing this post which has been on my heart to sit down and write for a few
days now.</div>
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I went in for an echo cardiogram on Monday and some more
blood work. It was pretty strange having
this guy use a sonogram on my chest, taking pictures of my heart and aorta,
making notes about everything he was seeing, AND NOT EXPLAINING ANYTHING TO ME
haha. I have not received any info on the
results of those tests yet but I see my doctor tomorrow to go over things and I have
been feeling really good the past couple of days so Praise the Lord!! =)</div>
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Someone very special and important to me told me recently
that they had been feeling trapped. It
got me thinking; well in fact I have been seeking the Lord and thinking a lot
about my life and the events that have taken place in the past 6 months. I have been listening to sermons, talking to
other Christians, talking and praying to God; wanting to find clarity in all of
this, asking Him and others for wisdom and understanding. It’s been a journey and along the way I am
gaining some of what I have been seeking.
I have also come to realize that life is a journey where we will always
have things happen to us that won’t always make sense and sometimes they may never
make sense until the day we die and we are with God in Heaven. I am realizing that the key during this time
in my life, which is one of the many things God is teaching me through all
this, is to simply…<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>TRUST!</u></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>God, grant me the
serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things
I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.</i> </span><br />
<br />
It might be a little cliche but I am finding
out that there is great freedom in embracing that sentence and great honor in embracing
the trials of life because I believe that God allows them to happen to create
change; there is almost always a lesson to be learned, we just need to be open
enough to let Him work and to seek His will during each trial. </div>
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<br /></div>
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I am having trouble organizing all of my thoughts but here
goes…</div>
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<br /></div>
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I have realized that I have been trapped myself; I have
been trapped for a long time. I have been
trapped by more than I can even think of right now but what comes to mind
specifically is that I have been trapped by insecurity, low self-esteem, and low
self-consciousness. I have been trapped by thinking that I was not loved unless I was having sex or
that my appearance must equal that of a male model to be a “real catch”. I have been trapped by the fear of being
abandoned; by thinking that to be validated I had to be in a relationship. Trapped by the
fear of failing or making a mistake, that I wasn’t worthy to be forgiven and
that even once I had been forgiven, to just be able to accept it. I was trapped
by lies such as pornography to replace the intimacy I so greatly desired with a
woman (an intimacy that I will not be striving for again until I am married and I can share myself with the
only woman I should/want to create that sacred bond with; my wife!). Trapped by thinking I needed the approval of
people to validate who I was. I was
trapped by alcohol in thinking it would erase my pain or that I needed to be
drunk or high to have fun. I had no idea
what my identity was; I put it in the many “idols” in and of this world. I placed my hope in things that would always
let me down or never really fulfill me.
I looked to be saved and loved and validated and approved by so many different
things; but none that could ever “fix” me because they were all fruitless
desires. It lead me to be controlling in relationships; thinking that I had to
do everything I could to make sure I was loved and make sure there was no way
that anyone or anything could take that person away from me… I was a mess.</div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Fear</i> ruled my
life.<br />
<br />
…But I WILL NOT let it anymore; I won’t let myself be
trapped anymore.<br />
</div>
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Love; love has changed my life. Real love, the love found in God and in all
that He is. Through Him I am gaining
freedom!</div>
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<br /></div>
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I cannot control love or others nor should I even
try. God sure doesn’t try to control us,
and that is one of the many reasons that makes Him and His love amazing; it’s
pure, it’s freeing, and it’s unending.
The only person I can control is me, and I am finally starting to gain
the understanding that I am an awesome & great guy; that all I need to do is be
myself to be loved; that I am already loved more than I can understand by my Heavenly Father and that the way God sees me is the only point of view of who I am that
I need to be concerned about. </div>
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When bad stuff happens to people, they sometimes say “How
could God let this happen?” I believe
that God allows bad things to happen to us because He LOVES US!!! God isn’t someone who is sitting up in heaven
choosing to hurt people; in fact I don’t think God “controls” much of
anything. You see, God gave us free
will. He did that because He loves
us. Would you want to be controlled like
a puppet? Being controlled is not love; granting
freedom is to truly love. He gives us
the freedom to choose our lives and what we do with them. Of course He is all knowing and already knows
everything in our lives that is going to happen; but let’s not get into that
because as humans; we can never fully comprehend what <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">omniscience</i><b> </b>and
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">omnipotent</i> truly mean. What I am trying to explain is that true love
is freeing and to know God is to be truly free.<br />
<br />
I believe that God created us <u>out of love</u>, <u>to love</u>, <u>and
to be loved</u>. In fact, God loves us
so much that one of His greatest angels, Lucifer, became so jealous of God’s
love for us that this dark angel thought himself better than God and has been
trying ever since we were created to separate us from our loving Creator. Satan tries to trick us with his lies; the
sins that are so ever present in this broken world. We have become so enchanted and bewitched by “the
creation” rather than our Creator who made us and created it all for us; to
enjoy as He had planned. Even from the beginning we have come to think we know
better than God and have decided again and again to stray away from His perfect
plan for what life should be. With the “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">help”</i> of Satan, <u>the great deceiver</u>,
we have been hurting ourselves ever since with things like hate, lust, greed,
selfishness, envy, pride… and the list goes on. </div>
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Parents, I cannot fully understand what it is like to be one
yet, but just think of what it is like when your children grow up and start to
live their own lives. You have to start
to accept that you can’t always be there to prevent everything bad from
happening to your children and you have to trust their lives in their own
hands. You really love your kids when
you set them free, hoping that everything you taught them has sunk in; not by
controlling them and keeping them in a “safety prison”. You trust them and pray that they make good
decisions in their life, and if they don’t, you are always there for them. Well God is a parent too; to about 7 billion
children. God is our father; He is our Heavenly Father and we are all His
children. He has given us all complete
freedom to simply just live, hence free will.
He wrote us a book full of all His teachings and lessons to be learned;
the Bible. He gave us an amazing and
perfect man who lived among us, to be a role model for how we should try and
live our lives, and who died for all of our salvation from sin; Jesus. He gave us a conscious to help us choose
right over wrong; the Holy Spirit. God
loves us so much that He has set us all free in the hopes that we will choose
Him on our own accord. </div>
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God is not a dictator...</div>
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<br /></div>
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God will work in our lives, but He can’t until we trust
Him; to know that living for Him is really the only way to live and knowing
that living for Him is something to be prized, not rejected. I don’t believe God
makes bad things happen, but yes, He certainly does allow them to happen, not
because He can’t prevent them, but because He loves us enough not to. I am starting to think that He is up in
heaven on the edge of His throne obviously rejoicing when good happens in our
lives but also rejoicing when the bad happens as well. I can envision Him on the edge of His throne
in Heaven desperately hoping and waiting for us to come to Him during our
trials and so excited for us to choose to use the hardships in our lives to
bring us closer to Him; to really know Him, to simply trust in His goodness, in
His undying and unconditional love for us, and in allowing Him to work; to
comfort, to teach, and to know Him and His great love for us. </div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“<span class="text">Three different times I begged the Lord
to take it away.</span> <span class="text">Each time he said, </span><span class="woj">“My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.”</span><span class="text"> So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of
Christ can work through me.</span> </b></span><span class="text"><span style="color: #444444;"><b>That’s why I take pleasure
in my weaknesses and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that
I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2 Corinthians 12:
8-10</b></span> </span></div>
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God doesn’t control what happens to us, but He is
certainly there for us to help us handle what does happen in our lives. I
believe He CANNOT WAIT for us to come to Him in the trials of our lives. He cannot wait for us to learn and grow, to
comfort and love us, and to see us become stronger in our faith and, through
Him, in who we are. Dr. James Dobson
once said; “let me urge you not to be discouraged by temporal cares. Accept the
circumstances as they are presented to you. Expect periods of hardship to
occur, and don’t be dismayed when they arrive. Let us lean into the pain when
your time of suffering comes along; knowing that God will use the difficulty
for His great purposes. The Lord is very near, and he has promised that your
temptation will not be greater than you can bear.” Notice how he said for God’s great purposes.
I think people have trouble trusting God because we are too busy, probably
unaware most of the time, being selfish with doing what <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">we</i> want to do in our lives and a lot of the time it just ends up
hurting us, others, and God so much. If
we can realize that our God is an amazing God who loves us so much and that by
living our lives in the way He intended for us to live them; to just trust Him
in all we do and with our lives, awesome things can happen and will happen. By doing this, it is important to know that
trusting God with our lives is not something meant just to be for the good of
ourselves, but for the good of others as well because God loves <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">ALL</b> of us. We must strive to be more
like Jesus and do what Jesus taught us; we must become more SELFLESS and less <s>selfish</s>
and understand that living a life for God isn’t always going to simply benefit
us but also benefit many others. </div>
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Imagine a married couple who were both <u>selfless</u>
and not <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">selfish</i>. The husband cared for his wife more than
himself and the wife cared more for her husband than herself. There would be no need to worry about needs
being met because they both had their spouses’ best interests in mind… just
something to think about</div>
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<br /></div>
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A personal example for me happened this week. On Monday
when I was at the hospital with my Pop-pop I noticed a guy sitting near me in
the waiting area who was wearing a Maine baseball cap. As I walked by him I told him that I liked
his hat which sparked up a conversation.
He talked some about Maine and how he had vacationed there and loved it and
I explained how I had lived there the better part of the past 9 years of my
life. Then, as I should have expected,
we started to talk about his cancer. He
told me that he has liver cancer and the doctors have told him it is terminal. He talked to me about what he has gone
through and that even after removing most of his liver, the cancer still came
back. He talked to me about his wife who
has cerebral palsy and that he has a 5 year old daughter. His story was really hitting me hard and
impacting me. My heart started to pound
the more he talked to me and my Pop-pop.
I have noticed that a lot of times when this happens, the Holy Spirit is
trying to tell me something. I could
feel in my heart, in my soul, that I needed to pray for the man right there in
the middle of the waiting room probably full with almost 100 people. Something was holding me back though; <i>…fear</i>. What would people think if I just started to
pray for this man or maybe I could just do it later that day not in front of
people, but the Holy Spirit kept nudging me and my heart kept pounding. After battling myself, I looked to my Pop-pop
and said ‘should we pray for him’ and he responded, ‘I don’t see why not.’ In that moment where God gave my Pop-pop courage,
I found my courage too and with it my Pop-pop and I asked if we could pray for
him. As he graciously accepted, I knelt by his
chair, put my arm around him and with the other arm lovingly caressed his thin bicep
and began to pray. In that moment where
I just let go of my selfishness and ridiculous worrying of what people would
think of me, I let God in and allowed Him to work through me. I prayed for God to heal him; that God
comfort him and his family during this hard time and that no matter what
happened that his young daughter would always know how much her father loved
her… I couldn’t keep my composure, not just because my heart broke for this man
but because it was a big moment in my faith.
My Pop-pop finished the prayer and I looked up to see the man crying and
whisper “thank you”. By trusting God, I
touched this man’s life and he touched mine… and you know what, after we prayed
for him, I noticed my heart wasn’t pounding anymore and I felt this great sense
of joy. =)</div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“<span class="text">Taste and see that the </span><span class="small-caps"><span style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span></span><span class="text"> is good.</span> <span class="text">Oh, the joys of those who
take refuge in him!” – Psalm 34:8</span></b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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PRAISE THE LORD FOR GOD IS SO GOOD!!!!<span class="text"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
I have already used this next verse once in my first blog
post, but I need to quote it again.</div>
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<b><br /></b></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on
your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which
path to take.” - Proverbs 3:5-6</b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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It’s amazing what I have come to feel, to know, to
“understand”; by seeking God.
(understanding being in quotations because I will never fully comprehend
God’s plan for my life but it’s moments like the one on Monday that show me
that I simply need to trust Him because He needs me; He needs me to share His
great love through the big, loving, and compassionate heart He blessed me with)</div>
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<br /></div>
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I am such a different person from who I was a year
ago. Although some things will never
change about me; like wanting to be a great husband and father someday, with me
being a total dork sometimes etc. because God just simply created me to be
those things in my life; I certainly have changed in many other ways and I
thank God for it! I am a new man, and by
God’s grace I will constantly let Him continue to make me new. I am delighted because it is all for the
glory of God which is ultimately for my good and all those in my life. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
A man named William L. Coleman said, “new events, new
challenges, new opportunities, new lives are normal with God. The Bible is rich with the word ‘new’ because
God is not simply dedicated to the past.
God is continuously infusing change into the lives of his people.”</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become
a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” - <span class="redheading">2 Corinthians 5:17</span></b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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I know this may sound crazy but I believe I have cancer
for a reason and that my relationship with my ex-girlfriend needed to end for a
reason. God didn’t make them happen, but
yes He allowed them both to happen. Yes,
He knew it would cause me great pain, but He also knew that I would seek Him in
trying to find understanding in it and by doing so that it would change my
life; and all for the better. It is hard
to really explain in words, but I can just see and feel God a lot during this
time of great trial and tribulation in my life.
My breakup and the love I have for my ex-girlfriend has forced me to
really look at why the relationship ended; discovering that there were a lot of
things that I have needed to examine, change, and seek His healing on; and
ultimately I am becoming a better man for it.
My cancer has given me something that I have no “control” over. There was nothing I could have done to
prevent it from happening and in it, He is teaching me to just trust my life in
His loving hands.</div>
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<br /></div>
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This season of my life is one that I can now see is a
time of growth, of maturity, and of healing: in my mind, heart, body, and soul.</div>
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<br /></div>
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God is changing my life and changing me and I couldn’t be
more excited about it! I wish I could
describe it but it’s indescribable, you’ll just have to experience it for
yourself. ;-)</div>
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<br /></div>
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I had to let go of the woman I love and yeah I found out that
I have cancer, yet I am rarely too scared about it. Of course there are times where it is hard to
comprehend everything and I get scared and sometimes cry; wondering why and if I will
ever find someone as great as my ex to share my life with or if the cancer
inside of me will be gone for good someday and once it is, if the side effects
from the treatment will be minimal and not permanent. For the most part though,
God has given me a real peace about everything and that I will get through this
and once I do, I will be stronger and better than ever! </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
It’s like I’m becoming ‘Matthew Nelson 2.0’; “we can
rebuild him, we have the technology” lol.</div>
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<br /></div>
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By the grace of God, no longer will I let fear rule my
life, but rather I will do all I can to allow God to “rule me”. To allow the understanding that He is
amazing, that He wants nothing but good in my life and to live the best life I
can possibly live, and that yes there will times of hardship and sorrow, but He will
NEVER, EVER leave me nor forsake me.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“<span class="text">For I can do everything through Christ,
who gives me strength.” – Philippians 4:13</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: #444444;"><b><span class="text">“Dear brothers and sisters, when
troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.</span> <span class="text">For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a
chance to grow.</span> <span class="text">So let it grow, for when your endurance
is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.” - James
1:2-4</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: #444444;"><b><span class="text">“Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the
fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to
you.</span> <span class="text">Instead, be very glad, for these trials make you
partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy
of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world.” - 1 Peter 4:12-13</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: #444444;"><b><span class="text">“God blesses those who patiently endure
testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God
has promised to those who love him.” – James 1:12</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: #444444;"><b><span class="text">“And since we are his children, we are
his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we
are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering. Yet what we suffer
now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later.” - Romans
8:17-18</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: #444444;"><b><span class="text">“And we know that God causes everything
to work together for the good of those who love God and are called
according to his purpose for them.” - Romans 8:28</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: #444444;"><b><span class="text">“We can rejoice, too, when we run into
problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And
endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident
hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know
how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our
hearts with his love.” – Romans 5:3-5</span></b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span class="text">No matter what is going on with your
life, even when you think you’ll never get through it, know that you will and
you can because with God, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">ANYTHING</b>
is possible!</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: #444444;"><b><span class="text">“Jesus looked at them intently and said,
</span><span class="woj">“Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God
everything is possible.” – Matthew 19:26</span></b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span class="woj">If you are going through a tough time
right now too, I urge you to seek God during it. He loves you so much and there is a purpose
for what you are going through. Below
are some great sermons that I have listened to recently and a website that
might help in whatever you are facing. All
I ask of you is to spare some time. Each
sermon is about an hour long, but they are worth it. The pastor is Mark Driscoll from Mars Hill
Church in Seattle. At times he can be a little much or go over the top
sometimes, but his sermons are full of some really great stuff.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://www.gci.org/disc/09-trials" target="_blank">Trials and Faith</a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b><u>Sermons:</u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://marshill.com/media/trial/suffering-to-serve" target="_blank">Suffering to Serve</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://marshill.com/media/trial/suffering-to-worship" target="_blank">Suffering to Worship</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://marshill.com/media/trial/suffering-to-learn" target="_blank">Suffering to Learn</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="http://marshill.com/media/trial/suffering-to-bless" target="_blank">Suffering to Bless</a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
I pray that all of you can feel the freedom that I am
beginning to experience; that I do not
need to live up to any of the expectations the world may try to set upon me,
but that the only person I want to live for and like is Jesus. Whether you believe he was fact or fiction,
he is an amazing role model and no matter what you do, he will always love you
and through his life and through his sacrifice on the cross, God will always
forgive you so long as you believe in him.
God loves us so much, He created us, through His son He died for us, and
He wrote us a book to show us how to live, which if we followed, it would save
us from a lot of pain that we more often than not, put on ourselves through our
disobedience to our loving Heavenly Father; however through Jesus, He will
always forgive us.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for
my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.” – Isaiah 43:25</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“<span class="text">But the Lord our God is merciful and
forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him.</span>” – Daniel 9:9</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: #444444;"><b><span class="text">“But if we confess our sins to him, he
is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all
wickedness.</span>” – 1 John 1:9</b></span></div>
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He did it all so that we would not be condemned to live a
life filled with agony and to save us from an eternity filled with misery;
which is the direct result of not being with Him; He did it all out of love,
because that is who God is.</div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><b>“<span class="text">Dear friends, let us continue to love
one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows
God.</span> <span class="text">But anyone who does not love does not know God,
for God is love.</span> <span class="text">God showed how much he loved us by
sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life
through him.</span> <span class="text">This is real love, not that we loved God,
but that He loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.</span>
<span class="text">Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to
love each other.</span> <span class="text">No one has ever seen God. But if we
love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in
us.</span> <span class="text">And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we
live in him and he in us.</span> <span class="text">Furthermore, we have seen
with our own eyes and now testify that the Father sent his Son to be the Savior
of the world.</span> <span class="text">All who confess that Jesus is the Son of
God have God living in them, and they live in God.</span> <span class="text">We
know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love.</span> <span class="text">God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in
them.</span> <span class="text">And as we live in God, our love grows more
perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him
with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.</span> <span class="text">Such love has no fear, because <span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">perfect love expels all fear</i></span>. If we
are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully
experienced his perfect love.</span> <span class="text">We love each other
because he loved us first.” - 1 John 4:7-19</span></b></span></div>
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<span class="text">My hope is in the Lord, for He is
faithful. To dedicate my life to Him and
look upon Jesus as my hero, mentor, and “idol” is, in my opinion, the least
I can do; after all, God has already done so much for me!</span></div>
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<span class="text">I challenge you all to be a little more <b>selfless</b> and less <strike>selfish</strike>; to remind
yourselves that you are beautiful <u>just the way God created you</u> and to
make someone else feel just as special as you are to Him.</span></div>
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<span class="text">God Bless All of You</span></div>
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<span class="text">Love,</span></div>
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<span class="text">-Matthew =)</span></div>
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Today’s Songs:</div>
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<a href="http://youtu.be/rHf6b8LUYCw" target="_blank">Kirk Franklin – Hello Fear</a></div>
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<a href="http://youtu.be/d_BLbj5q8_0" target="_blank">Unspoken – Who You Are</a></div>
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<a href="http://youtu.be/BVGV7acQ5TA" target="_blank">Switchfoot – Learning to Breathe</a></div>
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<a href="http://youtu.be/0JYGhQWgqq4" target="_blank">Josh Wilson – Before the Morning</a></div>
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<a href="http://youtu.be/8pIqE-Mxx1g" target="_blank">For King & Country – The Proof of Your Love</a></div>
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<a href="http://youtu.be/nNcx209-vrA" target="_blank">Britt Nicole – All This Time</a></div>
Matthewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14266691203419135858noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1090459496212326263.post-14668162660007871442012-06-24T08:23:00.001-04:002014-02-08T13:23:07.176-05:00Cancer Update (9 days into chemo)A lot has been on my mind lately and I had originally planned to write more than just an update on how I am doing, however I realized that I am just gonna need to make it into two separate blog posts; so since I can't sleep this morning, I decided to at least give you all an update on how things have been since my first round of chemotherapy.<br />
<br />
It's been a little over a week now since I had my first cycle of chemo and it has been a lot of ups and downs. To put simply how I have been feeling; I can almost describe it in just one word: POLLUTED!<br />
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Okay, so let's backtrack back to last Friday; the day of my first chemo treatment. It didn't start off very well. My Mom, Pop-pop, and cousin Melissa and I all woke up early and got to the hospital around 6:45am and within 30 minutes I was getting blood work done. Before each chemo session and also in-between treatments I need to have blood work done; before each treatment so that they can make my "chemo cocktails" appropriately and for in-between treatments to check all my levels so they can see how my kidneys are handling things, how my immune system (white & red blood cells) is handling stuff and electrolyte levels etc. Anyways, so I am getting blood work done and all of a sudden I start to feel kinda funny, my chest got really hot, I felt light-headed, my vision went black, and my hearing started to go. I felt like I was going to faint... and let me tell you, I hate this feeling. It's very foreign and strange to me. Before this year, I had NEVER experienced this. I have donated blood a bunch of times and have never had any issues in the past whenever I needed to do blood work with a physical. Yet this year, I have experienced this 3 times; I blame the cancer lol. It really stinks, although I kept calm as the nurses swarmed around me to make sure I was still conscious, knew who I was and where I was at. I simply was saying to them; "hey ladies, I feel a little weird" and described what I was experiencing. Apparently in that moment my blood pressure had suddenly dropped from 126/78 to around 84/40... not a good thing. Needles and blood have never made me feel weird before so I am gonna chalk it up to being so low in weight right now, nerves, and maybe not having a big enough breakfast. My cousin explained to me that I probably experienced something called a "vasovagal response". After laying down and drinking some water and juice I was all good again and went to my chemo info class that started around 9am. Basically for about an hour they told me about what I could expect to experience while receiving treatment and a bunch of info pertaining to possible side effects of chemo and what to do if I experience certain things and gave me things to do to help keep me not depressed and what not. To be honest, I don't really wanna get into it because it's just stuff that isn't too much fun to think about/talk about but it was good to get myself informed and all very important information to know. I started to receive my actual chemo treatment around 11am; as it takes the nurses and pharmacists a few hours to get the blood work and formulate the "chemo cocktail". This lasted for about 7 hours as we didn't leave the hospital until 6pm. I didn't really experience anything too crazy and they made sure to give me drugs to sort of prevent certain reactions from happening; I can't remember all the drugs they gave me but I know I took some benadryl lol. The chemo that I am receiving is called R-CHOP and each letter stands for a different drug they are giving me.<br />
<br />
This link gives you the name of each drug and you can click on each drug name to learn more about what each one does: <a href="http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/druginfo/R-CHOP" target="_blank">R-CHOP - National Cancer Institute</a><br />
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I slept, ate, and pee'd (A LOT lol) during the first cycle of treatment. It's pretty weird being connected to one of those electronic IV units and trying to roll it around and go to the bathroom. During the treatment (well and almost everyday) all of this gives me a strange surreal feeling that you kind of can't believe it's happening; like you see it on TV and movies and stuff and never think it will happen to you, but at the same time I am just "rolling with the punches" and allowing God to just be present during all of this.<br />
<br />
I did get some interesting news from my doctor. When I had my biopsy surgery in CT they told me that I had Large B-Cell Lymphoma which was later better described to me at Johns Hopkins as being called Primary Mediastinal Large
B-cell Lymphoma, that it was Non-Hodgkin type and consisted of mutated B-Cell lymphocytes. I was told that my cancer is pretty rare; that it accounts for around 3% of Non-Hodgkin type lymphoma tumors and that most Non-Hodgkin lymphomas don't start in the <a href="http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001086.htm" target="_blank">mediastinal</a> area. To make things even more interesting, after Johns Hopkins did their pathology tests of my tumor sample, they found traces of Hodgkin type as well which apparently is "unheard of" and that my cancer is extremely rare. I gave them permission to study it all they want haha. I feel like it suits me though; I have never really been "normal", just a big goof ball having an over abundance of energy, craziness, affection, and love. A rare, special and unique cancer for the same type of person; that's how I look at it! =)<br />
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I was feeling pretty good after the treatment and was hungry all day throughout it so naturally I wanted to eat after and we got some Chinese and had some laughs; and that's when the nausea first hit me. Luckily I had my plethora of drugs that have been prescribed to me during all of this with me (see picture below), took a pill and felt better once I got home a laid down...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXXi58PyH6xJ94e8ThFUNr2PobbQTySijRVcFklpRLAhJEQkyeW78ag7Z5itoYN-GYI4ONjmVSoKv7nuG3htaRyFYkyEQR47oeWJgHbBq5saflHK7qCr6tK51FfxGXT4d5sX-JDgj8tHY/s1600/Drugs+with+the+Chemo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXXi58PyH6xJ94e8ThFUNr2PobbQTySijRVcFklpRLAhJEQkyeW78ag7Z5itoYN-GYI4ONjmVSoKv7nuG3htaRyFYkyEQR47oeWJgHbBq5saflHK7qCr6tK51FfxGXT4d5sX-JDgj8tHY/s320/Drugs+with+the+Chemo.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />
...Alright, so I am realizing that I am writing you all a book and giving you all "play by plays" which aren't really needed =P<br />
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I will attempt to summarize the days and get back to what I meant when I said I felt "polluted".<br />
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Each day has been different, some days are okay and I feel just weak and tired. Other days I feel really nauseous but thank God for no vomiting! There was one day that I just felt like dying, I was nauseous, had a a headache all day (like my head was in a vice grip), and my body felt like it had been run over by a truck; lots of constant dull pain and random moments of sharp quick pain in my sides, back and chest. Everyday so far I feel weak and tired and just strange and not myself and I feel lightheaded a lot; especially when I get up from laying down. I don't sleep very well and get up in the middle of the night often to pee. I was trying to explain it to my Mom what it's like and I just feel polluted; I feel so toxic from all the drugs and some days I do kind of feel like my body is slowly dying. I know it's just the drugs though (since they are not only killing cancer cells, but also my good cells), there are just so many and I never liked to take drugs before this so it's uncomfortable for me but I know need to do what the doctors tell me to do.<br />
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Some days I just feel useless... I might be a guy who is comfortable showing his feelings but I am not someone who handles being physically impaired very well. I want to go running or ride a bike or go to the gym or just drive and see people/places; but I literally can't. It's hard to get used to, but I am doing my best to just take each day ONE AT A TIME and allow God's grace to hit me.<br />
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I needed to go to the hospital again on Friday because my blood pressure was pretty low one night and had a headache that lasted for two days. They thought I was dehydrated even though I am drinking TONS of water. The IV of fluids I received was apparently exactly what I needed. I immediately felt better after and have been feeling pretty good the past few days. They needed to do blood work again which went better than last time but the nurse said she couldn't get blood to come out (apparently from my dehydration) and kept moving the needle around inside my vein... not fun lol. However, the results were very positive! Almost all my levels were still in normal ranges =)<br />
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I gotta be honest and say it is hard to be at the hospital, I kind of dread going; not just because of what I am going through but there are SO many other people going through it as well and some of them are doing much worse than I am. It just breaks my heart, I want to do something for them. It's so sad but I decided I am going to bring brownies next time for everyone in the chemo room. The other day when I was there for the IV of fluids, I met a woman, in her late 20s I think, whose mother was in there and we talked a bit and she had been given chocolate cake as gift from a friend of hers who worked in the hospital to give to the people receiving treatment and I gotta say, it was really nice. It was a way to bring a smile in such a depressing place. Also on the bright side, all the nurses like me =P. I'm someone who has issues thinking highly of myself and am someone who will never be "cocky" but they all said they love my attitude and upbeat nature during all of this and when I came back they were all like "Hey Matthew!". It is such a good feeling to know I am brightening up someone's day, they definitely did the same to mine. Of course, all the nurses got a hug before I left and I thanked them all; I'm telling you guys, hugs are awesome... do it more to one another! =)<br />
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God is definitely blessing me and shining His light throughout this and oh how I need it. I need Him everyday. He is keeping my head level as I am learning to just trust Him in all of this.<br />
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GOD IS GOOD, ALWAYS! <br />
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Alright, my butt is numb now from sitting for so long and I need to eat some breakfast and get ready for church.<br />
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I pray you all have a great day today and I challenge each of you to show some love to someone you haven't in awhile or even just hug a complete stranger; you might just make their day! =)<br />
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God Bless you all<br />
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Love,<br />
<br />
-Matthew<br />
<br />
<u>Today's Songs:</u><br />
I have been listening to a ton of Britt Nicole all week... <br />
<br />
Really digging these two specifically:<br />
<a href="http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=77DGPLNX" target="_blank">Britt Nicole - The Lost Get Found</a><br />
<a href="http://youtu.be/_DjquvgAN4o" target="_blank">Britt Nicole feat. Lecrae - Ready or Not</a><br />
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AND... <br />
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<a href="http://youtu.be/7T01HmjJd5E" target="_blank">Justin Bieber - As Long As You Love Me</a><br />
^yeah, can't get enough of this jam right now; judge away but like the blog title says, I am a "Hopeful Romantic" ;-)Matthewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14266691203419135858noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1090459496212326263.post-81089857510234745132012-06-14T21:22:00.002-04:002014-02-08T11:20:40.621-05:00Sterility<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Sterility, it's not something I thought I would ever need to think about. The question of whether or not I would be able to have my own children. As I have learned more about my cancer treatments, specifically the five different chemo drugs that will aid me in fighting off this abnormality in my body, I found out that there is a chance (generally a small one) that I could become temporarily or even permanently sterile from this process. It's very strange to think about or even digest. In order to try and protect my ability to father my own children someday, I had to go to a fertility center today; also a very weird thing. To be honest I was not looking forward to it. It's pretty awkward to have to do and also something that isn't cheap. Thankfully my parents are paying for it for me which I greatly appreciate. The good news is, is that I now have some strong little "soldiers" cryogenically frozen for the next year in the horrible event that I do become sterile after chemo. If I do, then I will have to pay to keep my "little men" frozen until the day comes when I get married and my future wife and I decide to have children, but for now it is just a precaution that I hope will not need to become something long-term. I gotta say I am a little nervous, but I have faith that everything will be okay in that department.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Tomorrow I begin my chemo treatments. I gotta be honest and say I am getting pretty nervous. I don't think it has really started to hit me until now because I have already felt sick for months. Praise God because He has blessed me with feeling a real peace about all of this cancer business; but tonight I can feel the fear creeping in. Tonight, I am scared for the first time since finding out I had cancer. I am nervous about all these drugs going into my body and how they are going to affect me; but I am doing my best to stay positive and remind myself that God has me in His loving hands. My Mom also flew in today and my cousin Melissa who is a nurse is also staying the night tonight and both of them will be going with me and my Pop-pop (for those of you who don't know, a Pop-pop would be my grandfather on my mother's side lol). That brings me some comfort and also knowing that I have all of you out there thinking about me and praying for me is very encouraging. I know I have a lot of people out there who love me and who are there for me and I appreciate every single one of you. I officially want to say THANK YOU! Your kind and caring hearts are truly touching my heart and my spirit.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I have to arrive at Johns Hopkins hospital at 7am tomorrow for a bunch of lab work. At around 8:45am I will be attending a chemo class and at 10am I will be meeting with my nurse to begin treatment. As this is my first time being administered the drugs, I will be in the hospital for another 6-7 hours so they can monitor me and see how my body reacts to each separate drug... not looking forward to it at all. I will be bringing a book; hopefully I will be able to read it or maybe I will just try and sleep if they let me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">My Nanny's friend (for those of you who don't what a Nanny is, that would be my grandmother on my mother's side of the family =P) gave her a few great Bible verses for me that have been pretty great these past few days.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>"<span class="text Ps-103-3" id="en-NLT-15529">He forgives all my sins</span><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-103-3">and heals all my diseases.</span></span>" - Psalm 103:3</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>"<span class="text Jer-17-14" id="en-NLT-19348">O <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>, if you heal me, I will be truly healed;</span><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Jer-17-14">if you save me, I will be truly saved.</span></span><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Jer-17-14">My praises are for you alone!</span></span>" - Jeremiah 17:14 </b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>"<span class="text Jer-30-17" id="en-NLT-19661">I will give you back your health </span><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Jer-30-17">and heal your wounds,” says the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>."</span></span> - Jeremiah 30:17a</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>"<span class="text Prov-4-20" id="en-NLT-16487">My child, pay attention to what I say.</span><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Prov-4-20">Listen carefully to my words. </span></span><span class="text Prov-4-21" id="en-NLT-16488">Don’t lose sight of them.</span><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Prov-4-21">Let them penetrate deep into your heart, </span></span><span class="text Prov-4-22" id="en-NLT-16489">for they bring life to those who find them,</span><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Prov-4-22">and healing to their whole body.</span></span>" - Proverbs 4:20-22 </b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I know the Lord has me and He will take care of me; He knows I am strong and my spirit and heart and body can take this. These trials will only make me stronger; they will teach me and once I beat this thing it will have made my faith even stronger! I may be weak now, but in my weakness I will find strength, for my God is with me! Hallelujah! </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Until next time, God Bless all of you and I pray you all feel just how loved you are; by your family, by your friends, by your spouse if you have one, and by our Heavenly Father up above.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Love, </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">-Matthew =) </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Today's Songs of the Day:</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3w1eJuRaTpU" target="_blank">Hillsong United - Like An Avalanche</a> (I literally have been listening to this over 20 times the past two days; I just love it... it's so peaceful and powerful at the same time!)</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-xV4hZ95rk" target="_blank">Gym Class Hereos ft. Ryan Tedder - The Fighter</a> (this song is not a Christian song and I don't really listen to "secular" music these days so excuse the language, but this song just pumps me up and fits my attitude tonight... I am a FIGHTER, and I won't back down, I WILL beat this cancer!)</span></div>
Matthewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14266691203419135858noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1090459496212326263.post-26791533751277568482012-06-12T18:37:00.000-04:002014-02-08T11:20:22.357-05:00The Beginning (My First Blog Post Ever)<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;">I have never done a blog before, nor have I even wanted to create a blog before; until I found out I had cancer. I figured that since I would have all this extra time on my hands now, why not? Perhaps this can be a way of sharing my testimony to people and it is a good way to keep everyone who cares about me updated on my progress during my cancer treatment as well as giving me something to do and share my thoughts on whatever I am thinking about (hope you all don't mind) =P</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">To begin; the past year of my life has probably been the hardest/yet most eyeopening and in other ways, perhaps the best so far in my life. In June of last year I unexpectedly met a wonderful, fun, and adventurous woman. She fell in love with me and I quickly did the same; once I let go of the small walls I had put in place to try and protect myself from getting hurt. It didn't take much though, her amazing love quickly destroyed my defenses and I gave her my heart and a commitment (which I wrongly gave because the type of commitment I made inside of myself to her was one that should only be made in the covenant of marriage) that I would have loved her for the rest of my life; no matter what. At the time, she just made my good life, even better! However, something started to surface from inside of me that I wasn't even fully aware of; the more I fell in love with her, the more I found myself becoming unhealthily scared to lose her. I am already a sensitive guy, which in many ways is a good thing (or at least I think so), but once the fear of losing her started to "take over" inside me, I wrongly became reliant on her for my happiness and approval. I started to get jealous and "controlling" where I would get upset if she hung out with other people and assuming that every other guy was better looking or just better in general than I was. I started to lose confidence in myself and I forgot how great of a guy I truly am and stopped acting like the great guy that I actually am. In no way was this her fault, she never did anything to validate these feelings inside me. It was something that somehow had just manifested inside of me; perhaps from my parents divorce, the fear generated by the knowledge of low marriage rates, my past failed relationships, or perhaps from the years of being teased that I was fat and gay in school. Basically, I started to see how broken my BIG loving heart actually was and how even though I meant well and I had a lot of pure love to give, it was a love that was quite broken and in desperate need of healing. Those reasons above and more may have been reasons for my actions; however they are NOT excuses for them. She didn't deserve this man I was acting like and neither did I. It's not who I truly am and not who I want to be (nor will I allow myself to continue to be). Long story short, we continued to date even overseas for about 4 months. We shared A LOT in those 4 months with one another and we also watched as more and more baggage that we both carried (more so on my end because we didn't get to focus on her much with all of my junk) became apparent. We tried to work through it all and in a lot of ways, getting everything out in the open really benefited us both greatly. She started to regain her strong faith and as I discovered mine, we were able to sometimes support each other in that. We really did a lot for each other in a spiritual sense. However, in a physical sense, our relationship was dying. I desperately tried to keep it alive, naively thinking all we needed was to be close again and we could "start over" because now we would have God at the center of our relationship. However, too much damage was done and she put up her "shell of protection" as I call it because I was in a place where I didn't protect her; I couldn't at the time. I still moved my life to where she grew up to be there when she came home and things were okay for a few weeks but she quickly admitted to me and herself that she no longer was in love with me anymore. <i>I was devastated.</i> I had hoped with everything I had that we could make it work, as long as we did it together with God; because with God <u>ALL</u> things are truly possible. I believe that with all of my heart. However, it takes two for a relationship to work, and only one of us was in it. The next four months were the most painful of my life as everyday I watched the woman I loved slowly separate herself from me while emotionally and physically distancing herself from me as I desperately tried to show her I was different and that God was changing me in the hopes that she would have a change of heart and not only see who I was but be able to fall back in love with who I was... however, I was heartbroken and I couldn't truly be myself. To this day I am still heartbroken and working my way to trying to become myself again. It's not an easy task when you dream of marrying someone and then that dream gets crushed. To make things worse, about 3 weeks ago I found out that I had a large tumor in my chest and was recently diagnosed with having cancer, specifically lymphoma.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">However, it's not ALL bad! There is a lot of good that has come of this...</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">As I briefly alluded to above, the woman I love regained/re-found her faith and nothing is more important to me than having the woman I love (whoever she ends up being) than for her to have a great relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ; and I discovered Jesus for the first time in my life. I had grown up going to church for much of my childhood but just as a child would, I never really understood what living for Christ really meant. It wasn't until I got fed up with my brokenness and hurting the woman I loved that I surrendered to our loving Savior and said that I no longer wanted to live a life without Him; a life that was full of pain and fear. It has not been an easy journey at all; in fact it has been the hardest road I have ever been on, but I thank God for it. I do not understand it; I do not understand why my ex and I cannot begin again or why I have cancer at the age of 24; right when I was trying to start my own life after college, however, one of the MANY things I have learned throughout all of this is that life hardly ever "makes sense" and that God has a plan for me, a good plan for me, and a plan that I will never fully grasp. There are a few Bible verses that have brought me some comfort in this time among many others. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>"<span class="text Jer-29-11" id="en-NLT-19623">For I know the plans I have for you,” says the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." - Jeremiah 29:11</span></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b><span class="text Jer-29-11" id="en-NLT-19623">"</span><span class="text Prov-3-5" id="en-NLT-16437">Trust in the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> with all your heart; </span><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Prov-3-5">do not depend on your own understanding.<sup> </sup></span></span><span class="text Prov-3-6" id="en-NLT-16438">Seek his will in all you do, </span><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Prov-3-6">and he will show you which path to take." - Proverbs 3:5-6</span></span></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Prov-3-6">"</span></span><span class="text 1Pet-1-6" id="en-NLT-30341">So be truly glad.<sup> </sup>There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while.</span> </b><span class="text 1Pet-1-7" id="en-NLT-30342"><b>These
trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire
tests and purifies gold; though your faith is far more precious than
mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it
will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus
Christ is revealed to the whole world." - 1 Peter: 1-6-7</b></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Prov-3-6"> </span></span></b><span class="text Jer-29-11" id="en-NLT-19623"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="text Jer-29-11" id="en-NLT-19623">I still struggle with all of this, but I can see how the Lord has been working through me; especially in these past 5 months. My love for my ex and now since I am no longer the man in her life; my love for God and for myself has forced me to really examine who I was, who I am, and who I want to be. Praise the Lord because I have done this seeking the wisdom of my loving heavenly Father. It has been a process; and I know it will be a process that will continue for the rest of my life, but He is healing me and remaking me and I know that as long as I seek Him and do my best to live a life that models Jesus, I will live a life that will truly be worth living. He is helping me to become who I have always been and who He created me to be, and in many ways, I couldn't be happier because of it. God is making me into a better man than I was, and whether I get to be that better man for my ex, or for another woman down the road once I can move on, I will always be thankful to God for sending me her because He worked through her to help change my life.</span><span class="text Jer-29-11" id="en-NLT-19623"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="text Jer-29-11" id="en-NLT-19623">I pray for Love and Blessings to all of you reading this...</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="text Jer-29-11" id="en-NLT-19623">Until the next post, I leave you with this:</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="text Jer-29-11" id="en-NLT-19623">Think of God not as a "selfish or prideful deity" but rather as a loving and amazing Father who only wants whats best for His children who He loves greatly.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="text Jer-29-11" id="en-NLT-19623">God Bless</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">Love,</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="text Jer-29-11" id="en-NLT-19623">-Matthew</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="text Jer-29-11" id="en-NLT-19623">Today's Song:</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ezrM69rlDU" target="_blank">The Afters - Life Is Beautiful</a></span></div>
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Matthewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14266691203419135858noreply@blogger.com1