A quick update on how I am doing before I get into
writing this post which has been on my heart to sit down and write for a few
days now.
I went in for an echo cardiogram on Monday and some more
blood work. It was pretty strange having
this guy use a sonogram on my chest, taking pictures of my heart and aorta,
making notes about everything he was seeing, AND NOT EXPLAINING ANYTHING TO ME
haha. I have not received any info on the
results of those tests yet but I see my doctor tomorrow to go over things and I have
been feeling really good the past couple of days so Praise the Lord!! =)
Someone very special and important to me told me recently
that they had been feeling trapped. It
got me thinking; well in fact I have been seeking the Lord and thinking a lot
about my life and the events that have taken place in the past 6 months. I have been listening to sermons, talking to
other Christians, talking and praying to God; wanting to find clarity in all of
this, asking Him and others for wisdom and understanding. It’s been a journey and along the way I am
gaining some of what I have been seeking.
I have also come to realize that life is a journey where we will always
have things happen to us that won’t always make sense and sometimes they may never
make sense until the day we die and we are with God in Heaven. I am realizing that the key during this time
in my life, which is one of the many things God is teaching me through all
this, is to simply…TRUST!
God, grant me the
serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things
I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
It might be a little cliche but I am finding out that there is great freedom in embracing that sentence and great honor in embracing the trials of life because I believe that God allows them to happen to create change; there is almost always a lesson to be learned, we just need to be open enough to let Him work and to seek His will during each trial.
It might be a little cliche but I am finding out that there is great freedom in embracing that sentence and great honor in embracing the trials of life because I believe that God allows them to happen to create change; there is almost always a lesson to be learned, we just need to be open enough to let Him work and to seek His will during each trial.
I am having trouble organizing all of my thoughts but here
goes…
I have realized that I have been trapped myself; I have
been trapped for a long time. I have been
trapped by more than I can even think of right now but what comes to mind
specifically is that I have been trapped by insecurity, low self-esteem, and low
self-consciousness. I have been trapped by thinking that I was not loved unless I was having sex or
that my appearance must equal that of a male model to be a “real catch”. I have been trapped by the fear of being
abandoned; by thinking that to be validated I had to be in a relationship. Trapped by the
fear of failing or making a mistake, that I wasn’t worthy to be forgiven and
that even once I had been forgiven, to just be able to accept it. I was trapped
by lies such as pornography to replace the intimacy I so greatly desired with a
woman (an intimacy that I will not be striving for again until I am married and I can share myself with the
only woman I should/want to create that sacred bond with; my wife!). Trapped by thinking I needed the approval of
people to validate who I was. I was
trapped by alcohol in thinking it would erase my pain or that I needed to be
drunk or high to have fun. I had no idea
what my identity was; I put it in the many “idols” in and of this world. I placed my hope in things that would always
let me down or never really fulfill me.
I looked to be saved and loved and validated and approved by so many different
things; but none that could ever “fix” me because they were all fruitless
desires. It lead me to be controlling in relationships; thinking that I had to
do everything I could to make sure I was loved and make sure there was no way
that anyone or anything could take that person away from me… I was a mess.
Fear ruled my
life.
…But I WILL NOT let it anymore; I won’t let myself be trapped anymore.
…But I WILL NOT let it anymore; I won’t let myself be trapped anymore.
Love; love has changed my life. Real love, the love found in God and in all
that He is. Through Him I am gaining
freedom!
I cannot control love or others nor should I even
try. God sure doesn’t try to control us,
and that is one of the many reasons that makes Him and His love amazing; it’s
pure, it’s freeing, and it’s unending.
The only person I can control is me, and I am finally starting to gain
the understanding that I am an awesome & great guy; that all I need to do is be
myself to be loved; that I am already loved more than I can understand by my Heavenly Father and that the way God sees me is the only point of view of who I am that
I need to be concerned about.
When bad stuff happens to people, they sometimes say “How
could God let this happen?” I believe
that God allows bad things to happen to us because He LOVES US!!! God isn’t someone who is sitting up in heaven
choosing to hurt people; in fact I don’t think God “controls” much of
anything. You see, God gave us free
will. He did that because He loves
us. Would you want to be controlled like
a puppet? Being controlled is not love; granting
freedom is to truly love. He gives us
the freedom to choose our lives and what we do with them. Of course He is all knowing and already knows
everything in our lives that is going to happen; but let’s not get into that
because as humans; we can never fully comprehend what omniscience and
omnipotent truly mean. What I am trying to explain is that true love
is freeing and to know God is to be truly free.
I believe that God created us out of love, to love, and to be loved. In fact, God loves us so much that one of His greatest angels, Lucifer, became so jealous of God’s love for us that this dark angel thought himself better than God and has been trying ever since we were created to separate us from our loving Creator. Satan tries to trick us with his lies; the sins that are so ever present in this broken world. We have become so enchanted and bewitched by “the creation” rather than our Creator who made us and created it all for us; to enjoy as He had planned. Even from the beginning we have come to think we know better than God and have decided again and again to stray away from His perfect plan for what life should be. With the “help” of Satan, the great deceiver, we have been hurting ourselves ever since with things like hate, lust, greed, selfishness, envy, pride… and the list goes on.
I believe that God created us out of love, to love, and to be loved. In fact, God loves us so much that one of His greatest angels, Lucifer, became so jealous of God’s love for us that this dark angel thought himself better than God and has been trying ever since we were created to separate us from our loving Creator. Satan tries to trick us with his lies; the sins that are so ever present in this broken world. We have become so enchanted and bewitched by “the creation” rather than our Creator who made us and created it all for us; to enjoy as He had planned. Even from the beginning we have come to think we know better than God and have decided again and again to stray away from His perfect plan for what life should be. With the “help” of Satan, the great deceiver, we have been hurting ourselves ever since with things like hate, lust, greed, selfishness, envy, pride… and the list goes on.
Parents, I cannot fully understand what it is like to be one
yet, but just think of what it is like when your children grow up and start to
live their own lives. You have to start
to accept that you can’t always be there to prevent everything bad from
happening to your children and you have to trust their lives in their own
hands. You really love your kids when
you set them free, hoping that everything you taught them has sunk in; not by
controlling them and keeping them in a “safety prison”. You trust them and pray that they make good
decisions in their life, and if they don’t, you are always there for them. Well God is a parent too; to about 7 billion
children. God is our father; He is our Heavenly Father and we are all His
children. He has given us all complete
freedom to simply just live, hence free will.
He wrote us a book full of all His teachings and lessons to be learned;
the Bible. He gave us an amazing and
perfect man who lived among us, to be a role model for how we should try and
live our lives, and who died for all of our salvation from sin; Jesus. He gave us a conscious to help us choose
right over wrong; the Holy Spirit. God
loves us so much that He has set us all free in the hopes that we will choose
Him on our own accord.
God is not a dictator...
God will work in our lives, but He can’t until we trust
Him; to know that living for Him is really the only way to live and knowing
that living for Him is something to be prized, not rejected. I don’t believe God
makes bad things happen, but yes, He certainly does allow them to happen, not
because He can’t prevent them, but because He loves us enough not to. I am starting to think that He is up in
heaven on the edge of His throne obviously rejoicing when good happens in our
lives but also rejoicing when the bad happens as well. I can envision Him on the edge of His throne
in Heaven desperately hoping and waiting for us to come to Him during our
trials and so excited for us to choose to use the hardships in our lives to
bring us closer to Him; to really know Him, to simply trust in His goodness, in
His undying and unconditional love for us, and in allowing Him to work; to
comfort, to teach, and to know Him and His great love for us.
“Three different times I begged the Lord
to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of
Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure
in my weaknesses and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that
I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2 Corinthians 12:
8-10
God doesn’t control what happens to us, but He is
certainly there for us to help us handle what does happen in our lives. I
believe He CANNOT WAIT for us to come to Him in the trials of our lives. He cannot wait for us to learn and grow, to
comfort and love us, and to see us become stronger in our faith and, through
Him, in who we are. Dr. James Dobson
once said; “let me urge you not to be discouraged by temporal cares. Accept the
circumstances as they are presented to you. Expect periods of hardship to
occur, and don’t be dismayed when they arrive. Let us lean into the pain when
your time of suffering comes along; knowing that God will use the difficulty
for His great purposes. The Lord is very near, and he has promised that your
temptation will not be greater than you can bear.” Notice how he said for God’s great purposes.
I think people have trouble trusting God because we are too busy, probably
unaware most of the time, being selfish with doing what we want to do in our lives and a lot of the time it just ends up
hurting us, others, and God so much. If
we can realize that our God is an amazing God who loves us so much and that by
living our lives in the way He intended for us to live them; to just trust Him
in all we do and with our lives, awesome things can happen and will happen. By doing this, it is important to know that
trusting God with our lives is not something meant just to be for the good of
ourselves, but for the good of others as well because God loves ALL of us. We must strive to be more
like Jesus and do what Jesus taught us; we must become more SELFLESS and less selfish
and understand that living a life for God isn’t always going to simply benefit
us but also benefit many others.
Imagine a married couple who were both selfless
and not selfish. The husband cared for his wife more than
himself and the wife cared more for her husband than herself. There would be no need to worry about needs
being met because they both had their spouses’ best interests in mind… just
something to think about
A personal example for me happened this week. On Monday
when I was at the hospital with my Pop-pop I noticed a guy sitting near me in
the waiting area who was wearing a Maine baseball cap. As I walked by him I told him that I liked
his hat which sparked up a conversation.
He talked some about Maine and how he had vacationed there and loved it and
I explained how I had lived there the better part of the past 9 years of my
life. Then, as I should have expected,
we started to talk about his cancer. He
told me that he has liver cancer and the doctors have told him it is terminal. He talked to me about what he has gone
through and that even after removing most of his liver, the cancer still came
back. He talked to me about his wife who
has cerebral palsy and that he has a 5 year old daughter. His story was really hitting me hard and
impacting me. My heart started to pound
the more he talked to me and my Pop-pop.
I have noticed that a lot of times when this happens, the Holy Spirit is
trying to tell me something. I could
feel in my heart, in my soul, that I needed to pray for the man right there in
the middle of the waiting room probably full with almost 100 people. Something was holding me back though; …fear. What would people think if I just started to
pray for this man or maybe I could just do it later that day not in front of
people, but the Holy Spirit kept nudging me and my heart kept pounding. After battling myself, I looked to my Pop-pop
and said ‘should we pray for him’ and he responded, ‘I don’t see why not.’ In that moment where God gave my Pop-pop courage,
I found my courage too and with it my Pop-pop and I asked if we could pray for
him. As he graciously accepted, I knelt by his
chair, put my arm around him and with the other arm lovingly caressed his thin bicep
and began to pray. In that moment where
I just let go of my selfishness and ridiculous worrying of what people would
think of me, I let God in and allowed Him to work through me. I prayed for God to heal him; that God
comfort him and his family during this hard time and that no matter what
happened that his young daughter would always know how much her father loved
her… I couldn’t keep my composure, not just because my heart broke for this man
but because it was a big moment in my faith.
My Pop-pop finished the prayer and I looked up to see the man crying and
whisper “thank you”. By trusting God, I
touched this man’s life and he touched mine… and you know what, after we prayed
for him, I noticed my heart wasn’t pounding anymore and I felt this great sense
of joy. =)
“Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh, the joys of those who
take refuge in him!” – Psalm 34:8
PRAISE THE LORD FOR GOD IS SO GOOD!!!!
I have already used this next verse once in my first blog
post, but I need to quote it again.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on
your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which
path to take.” - Proverbs 3:5-6
It’s amazing what I have come to feel, to know, to
“understand”; by seeking God.
(understanding being in quotations because I will never fully comprehend
God’s plan for my life but it’s moments like the one on Monday that show me
that I simply need to trust Him because He needs me; He needs me to share His
great love through the big, loving, and compassionate heart He blessed me with)
I am such a different person from who I was a year
ago. Although some things will never
change about me; like wanting to be a great husband and father someday, with me
being a total dork sometimes etc. because God just simply created me to be
those things in my life; I certainly have changed in many other ways and I
thank God for it! I am a new man, and by
God’s grace I will constantly let Him continue to make me new. I am delighted because it is all for the
glory of God which is ultimately for my good and all those in my life.
A man named William L. Coleman said, “new events, new
challenges, new opportunities, new lives are normal with God. The Bible is rich with the word ‘new’ because
God is not simply dedicated to the past.
God is continuously infusing change into the lives of his people.”
“This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become
a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” - 2 Corinthians 5:17
I know this may sound crazy but I believe I have cancer
for a reason and that my relationship with my ex-girlfriend needed to end for a
reason. God didn’t make them happen, but
yes He allowed them both to happen. Yes,
He knew it would cause me great pain, but He also knew that I would seek Him in
trying to find understanding in it and by doing so that it would change my
life; and all for the better. It is hard
to really explain in words, but I can just see and feel God a lot during this
time of great trial and tribulation in my life.
My breakup and the love I have for my ex-girlfriend has forced me to
really look at why the relationship ended; discovering that there were a lot of
things that I have needed to examine, change, and seek His healing on; and
ultimately I am becoming a better man for it.
My cancer has given me something that I have no “control” over. There was nothing I could have done to
prevent it from happening and in it, He is teaching me to just trust my life in
His loving hands.
This season of my life is one that I can now see is a
time of growth, of maturity, and of healing: in my mind, heart, body, and soul.
God is changing my life and changing me and I couldn’t be
more excited about it! I wish I could
describe it but it’s indescribable, you’ll just have to experience it for
yourself. ;-)
I had to let go of the woman I love and yeah I found out that
I have cancer, yet I am rarely too scared about it. Of course there are times where it is hard to
comprehend everything and I get scared and sometimes cry; wondering why and if I will
ever find someone as great as my ex to share my life with or if the cancer
inside of me will be gone for good someday and once it is, if the side effects
from the treatment will be minimal and not permanent. For the most part though,
God has given me a real peace about everything and that I will get through this
and once I do, I will be stronger and better than ever!
It’s like I’m becoming ‘Matthew Nelson 2.0’; “we can
rebuild him, we have the technology” lol.
By the grace of God, no longer will I let fear rule my
life, but rather I will do all I can to allow God to “rule me”. To allow the understanding that He is
amazing, that He wants nothing but good in my life and to live the best life I
can possibly live, and that yes there will times of hardship and sorrow, but He will
NEVER, EVER leave me nor forsake me.
“For I can do everything through Christ,
who gives me strength.” – Philippians 4:13
“Dear brothers and sisters, when
troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a
chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance
is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.” - James
1:2-4
“Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the
fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to
you. Instead, be very glad, for these trials make you
partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy
of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world.” - 1 Peter 4:12-13
“God blesses those who patiently endure
testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God
has promised to those who love him.” – James 1:12
“And since we are his children, we are
his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we
are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering. Yet what we suffer
now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later.” - Romans
8:17-18
“And we know that God causes everything
to work together for the good of those who love God and are called
according to his purpose for them.” - Romans 8:28
“We can rejoice, too, when we run into
problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And
endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident
hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know
how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our
hearts with his love.” – Romans 5:3-5
No matter what is going on with your
life, even when you think you’ll never get through it, know that you will and
you can because with God, ANYTHING
is possible!
“Jesus looked at them intently and said,
“Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God
everything is possible.” – Matthew 19:26
If you are going through a tough time
right now too, I urge you to seek God during it. He loves you so much and there is a purpose
for what you are going through. Below
are some great sermons that I have listened to recently and a website that
might help in whatever you are facing. All
I ask of you is to spare some time. Each
sermon is about an hour long, but they are worth it. The pastor is Mark Driscoll from Mars Hill
Church in Seattle. At times he can be a little much or go over the top
sometimes, but his sermons are full of some really great stuff.
Sermons:
I pray that all of you can feel the freedom that I am
beginning to experience; that I do not
need to live up to any of the expectations the world may try to set upon me,
but that the only person I want to live for and like is Jesus. Whether you believe he was fact or fiction,
he is an amazing role model and no matter what you do, he will always love you
and through his life and through his sacrifice on the cross, God will always
forgive you so long as you believe in him.
God loves us so much, He created us, through His son He died for us, and
He wrote us a book to show us how to live, which if we followed, it would save
us from a lot of pain that we more often than not, put on ourselves through our
disobedience to our loving Heavenly Father; however through Jesus, He will
always forgive us.
“I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for
my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.” – Isaiah 43:25
“But the Lord our God is merciful and
forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him.” – Daniel 9:9
“But if we confess our sins to him, he
is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all
wickedness.” – 1 John 1:9
He did it all so that we would not be condemned to live a
life filled with agony and to save us from an eternity filled with misery;
which is the direct result of not being with Him; He did it all out of love,
because that is who God is.
“Dear friends, let us continue to love
one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows
God. But anyone who does not love does not know God,
for God is love. God showed how much he loved us by
sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life
through him. This is real love, not that we loved God,
but that He loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.
Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to
love each other. No one has ever seen God. But if we
love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in
us. And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we
live in him and he in us. Furthermore, we have seen
with our own eyes and now testify that the Father sent his Son to be the Savior
of the world. All who confess that Jesus is the Son of
God have God living in them, and they live in God. We
know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in
them. And as we live in God, our love grows more
perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him
with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world. Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we
are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully
experienced his perfect love. We love each other
because he loved us first.” - 1 John 4:7-19
My hope is in the Lord, for He is
faithful. To dedicate my life to Him and
look upon Jesus as my hero, mentor, and “idol” is, in my opinion, the least
I can do; after all, God has already done so much for me!
I challenge you all to be a little more selfless and less selfish; to remind
yourselves that you are beautiful just the way God created you and to
make someone else feel just as special as you are to Him.
God Bless All of You
Love,
-Matthew =)
Today’s Songs:
1 comment:
Honey, you are a wonderful, fun, loving, adorable person. Everyone I know who knows you thinks that. You will beat this and you will be a terrific husband/father in the future. I love you.
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